Good-bye 2004

This year has had it's ups and downs, but I believe I am a lot stronger because of it... This year started out really, really bad. My Aunt Lina passed away from Breast Cancer the night before my 30th birthday. I will always associate my birthday with her death...but I will honor her and remember her by running in the Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure. Also, every time I look at my bracelet, I will remember why I run, and why I train. I was able to make a few trips throughout the year. Jersey/NY part 2, my first visit to Mammoth (daymn you Dave's run), day trips to Snow Summit and Big Bear, TJ's and Rosarito. I wrote my first personal statement to Grad School, and was eventually denied. However, I am glad the Dean of Admissions of Rutgers took the time to talk to me about other options. I obtained my first ever 4.0! I am almost ready to re-apply to Rutgers and see if Columbia or NYU want me. I hope this time around they'll be able to see my potential, and take a chance on me. I am also glad I have so much support, thank you everyone for helping me "perfect" my personal statements. I found my strength, again. My "inner" voice. Thank you for thinking so little of me. Thank you for being so judgmental, even though i've only tried to get to know who you are. Thank you for not giving me the same consideration. I learned who my true friends are, and who the time being friends are. We've all been through a lot this year. Tests were made for all of us. I'm glad I was able to see who's true, and I thank you. I'm getting better at keeping in touch. I love sending packages. =) I have made sure that all my friends, from Diego to the Bay, and all the way to the Midwest and East Coast know that I care. Friendship is a two-way street, I wish more people realized that. I still appreciate the "little things". I wish more people did. Things happen for a reason, I have accepted that. I have learned to roll with the punches. I like action, not words. Some people had to be let go. I remember the lessons learned, I will never forget. I have the ability to give someone my heart, even if I do not believe he knows that he has it. The most important one of all...I am happy with me. I found "me" again, i've been lost for a long time now--but I am focused, and "I" know. I do not care what others think, they have not been in my head recently--so how the hell would they know what "I" am thinking or feeling? I can do anything I set out to do, always have, and "I" ALWAYS will. So with all that said. Good-bye 2004. I expect 2005 to be a kick ass year, filled with lots and lots of change, risks, and adventure.

Please help if you can...

* Donate * They really need it.

The attack of the killer tumbleweed!!

So I do not know how I forgot to tell you all about this. The drive home. dun dun dun... 101 South just after the 680 merge. It was windy. They were rolling. Suddenly it starts rolling faster and faster...I had to change lanes all of a sudden, or we would have been attacked. Attacked by the killer tumbleweed!!! Luckily hardly anyone was on the freeway when we left (we were hoping everyone was stuck at work, while we took our time getting back to lala land), we watched in awe as everyone behind me swerved to avoid being attacked by the giant tumbleweed. That was not the only occurrence. 5 South. Tons of baby tumbleweed were crashing into cars left and right! Some cars were not as lucky as we were earlier. Some cars had tumbleweeds as hood ornaments, (if I was not driving I would have taken pictures of it), some tumbleweeds weren't as lucky--trucks rolled over them and they were smashed to smithereens!! Shannon did a good deed and took off some tumbleweed remnants off a car as I was getting gas, too bad she hurt her fingers in the process....a good deed nonetheless. Tumbleweed wasn't the only thing keeping our attention, there was also accidents, and police cars. This police man was cool though, he creeped up behind a car behind me and that dude moved over for him...I *tried* to move over but homey on the right wouldn't let me--so police man gave the the okay to stay where I was. Now, I hate being in front of police, so when I could I pulled over--dude was driving hella slow. Eventually he took the lead. So I pulled back to the left when I could. Stupid boy was hella bookin it and cutting people left and right, and I was waiting, waiting for police man to notice. He did. He straight pulled to the right, broke, then pulled behind speed racer/tailgaiter, then red and blue lights with the sound. Shannon was trying to help out by pointing to him through my window to pull over. I never saw that happen before. Then we were stopped again (forgive me for not telling you before the police man, we were stopped previously [we still do not know why]). This time we knew why. There was a major accident on the other side. I pray that everyone came out okay, but the car looked so badly beaten. You see people, you're supposed to be paying attention to where you are going! Do not tailgate, and do not cut people off!! That pissess people off, especially people like me! There were so many bad drivers. Of course, the wind and severe dust did not help, but hell...anything's better than fog. Oh and of course we must not forget the rain, rain, rain, rain. Pouring down rain. But it did not pour until after I dropped off Shannon, but that's a whole other story. And that was my last "official" turn around Christmas trip. I'll be making other turnaround trips, but I will be coming from the bay and back. ;)

This was my Christmas Vacation...

*click* *click* As you can see, it was a week full of friends and family sans parentals. So was NOT the same without them...but it was a great week regardless. We all had fun, and we're gonna do it again Wednesday! heheh I know I know, my ass should have stayed home instead of coming back to LA to work for a few days--then hop on a plane come Wednesday. I'm retarded (I have my reasons--believe me!). So with that said, I'm going to go rest, do laundry and get my bags ready for my NYE trip home! Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, I know I did. =) ------------ BTW, that was a pic at my first time having dim sum!! Those crabs were cool!

Just wanted to wish everyone...

A VERY MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I hope Santa Clause will be very nice to everyone, and fill all your bellies with lotsa food. =) Vacation has been really fun! Tons of pic's to upload later. Got to see old friends, watch LOTR - Return of the King extended, and just be lazy. I love being lazy, on Tuesday I woke up at 2pm...2PM!! Ahhhh, I miss those days of not having to go to work, now I have to wake up at some god awful time, and deal with LA traffic. Soon, soon I will be back home and not having to worry...then i'll be back in school *cross-fingers* *prays to God* that's all I want...to be back in school by fall (in the east coast of course). I even made time to go running! Can you believe that? I think everyone thought I was on drugs or something, running in my shorts and tank top in the freezing winds that is around the Bay Area. I think the winds froze up my sweat, but it's all good...I went for more than 3 miles possibly 4 (by my calculations). But my goal for vacation has been made...personal statements are FINISHED!! So far good reviews all around. *snap* Thank you Kristy! Without your help I would not have finished. =) I also went on a interview, but alas, I cannot take the job if offered a position. They want a year commitment. A YEAR COMMITMENT she said. I can only give 6 months, if that. I just have good feelings of my whereabouts towards the end of the year. *giggles* I sure hope so at least. So temp work it is, here's to no commitment! hehehe So yeah, that's all for now. I just wanted to wish everyone a very merry merry christmas, and have a happy new year. Don't be all partying and driving. Eat tons, be merry & be nice to one another. MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I really wish I could be with you all, but since I cannot this will have to do. *hug* Next year's plan...a New York Christmas. Wish me luck! Have a good one everyone!

A very very happy birthday to my two most favorite people in the world!!!

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to... PHIL!!! and to.... GEN!! *BIG GIANT HUGS* I really wish I could be in two places at once... If I could, I would be giving hugs to both of you, and buying drinks, hugs, drinks, and hugs.... So yeah...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! *HUG* *MWAH* *HUG* *MWAH* *HUG* *MWAH* *HUG* *MWAH* *HUG* *MWAH* *HUG*

Thick as pea soup...

That was basically how the drive home was...80% fog. Yes, we were freakin--at some points you could not see what was ahead, or behind. As soon as we got off the grapevine and got on the 5...BAYMN it hit us. The fog didn't clear up until we were almost to the 152. At some parts I was shittin bricks (especially since I was going off of less than 4 hours of sleep). Apparently, the new thing is to drive with your hazard lights while in the fog (only a few people were doing it--we decided to follow them). We made it, 152 was mostly clear (we were thinking of staying at a hotel since I was/am tired as hell [I really should be in bed--daymn coffee])...so we were good as gold. We are home. Vacation all I ever wanted, vacation had to get away. *sigh* I'm just happy we made it in one piece, and Babygirl can rest....and with that, I am off to bed.

Goal #1 accomplished!!

Congratulate me! I found out today that since I got a 93 on my final, I got an A in my Social Work Class--which means the grand total for this semester is 4.0 baby!! (I already had an A in my Policing Society Class before my final--well, close enough.) *shakes bootie* *bobs head* *fist in air* YES!! hehe, okay. Now all I have to do is perfect personal statements, collect my letters of recommendations, and transcripts (all have been ordered already). yeahhhhhh babyyyyy!!! Okay, enough with that...must start christmas cards. Have a good evening everyone!!

Firm Christmas Party 2004

Yesterday was our annual "Holiday Party"...suffice it to say, it was the best one out off all the 3 years that i've been at this firm. Wanna know why? It started when I got there. My co-worker/friend Christian is leaving in a few weeks and all he said was....Christian's gonna get drunk, and yes, Christian got drunk--and so did the rest of us. This is how it started... Would you like to see more? *click* *click* So yes, our table was the loudest, and the partners were worried about us. Christian fell like 3 or 4 times (of course trying to pick up Laura), ima miss that boy. For my last "Holiday Party" with TSMP this was the funnest (everone thanked us too). I would say more, but I need to go back to bed...i'm still feelin the alcohol. Enjoy the pics! Happy Holidays!

Ten on Tuesday

Ten Things You Want for the Holidays The impossible list 1. Trip to Jersey/NYC - Fully paid & accommodations. 2. A finished personal statement for each college i'm applying to (or help to polish them off). 3. Acceptance to Columbia/Rutgers/ or NYU - All 3 preferred. (Not impossible-I just want it NOW!) 4. Treo 600 - Unlocked. 5. 12-Inch Super Drive Apple Power Book G4 & Softwear. 6. Pentax Optio 550. 7. The complete Special Edition Collection of LOTR. 8. New Car, a Honda is preferred...but i'd like something w/ 6 speed. 9. My first years tuition. 10. My first years books. ------------------ Driving through LA during the holidays... It was actually a bit faster this evening. =) Don't mind me, it's my first free Tuesday in a long while-went to the dentist and everything. hehehhe, no cavitities, but I gotta retrain my brushing. I'm glad I went to Luciele's boyfriend-I got dinner too! THAT was the best part! Yummy in my tummy, and a free night?? Whooo hoooo!! heheh and I worked on personals while at work, that's right, I can multi-task. #2 is getting there...

LET FREEDOM RING!!

1. Semester to redeem myself academically over (so far i'm only about 90% sure of my 4.0.). 2. Must re-vamp personal statements. 3. Work on Christmas Presents & Birthday Presents. 4. Go Christmas Shopping. 5. Interview for positions while on vacation. 6. Re-apply/apply to Rutgers/Columbia/& NYU by the beginning - mid January. 7. Find people to purchase furniture (almost got it all spoken for). 8. Go through closet. DONATE!! DONATE!! DONATE!! 9. Organize move home. 10. Move. So okay, I have freedom for one night. *fist in air* I have a lot to do, I have only one thing done and I have 9 more things to do! Well, #2 is a work in progress, and i'm *mostly* done with them. I'm so crazy, and I wanna get this all done in 2 months?? Someone shoot me please!!

Today is the day...

Please, please think good thoughts of me at 8:00 p.m. Pacific Time. At that time, I will be taking my final for my Social Work class. This will secure my 4.0. *cross-fingers* I MUST GET A! MUST! This is my only way into Rutgers, Columbia and/or NYU. *sigh* Okay, that is all. Please God let me do good, let me remember everything i've studied all these weeks and over the weekend.

30 days and counting...

With every day that passes, I look forward to each new day...the thought of leaving this place has been dancing in my head. It's all I think about when I am here. How sad right? I hate LA, and I hate my job (more so my job than LA). *sigh* 30 more days, 30 more long days! I can't stand looking at some of the people I work with, but i'm going to miss some of them too. It's really sad when you think about it. I mean, i've been here for almost 3 years. 3 years!! Some people haven't changed, and yes, those same people still treat most of use like useless pieces of sh*t. Just because you have Esq. after your name does not make you a better person than I, and just because you have a higher position than me does not mean you can get all up in my face and treat me like a child. Titles mean nothing to me (unless it's something cool like King or Queen, President, Secretary of [fill in the blank], maybe even Professor, or M.D., or PhD, or in my case M.S.W.). It's really sad when all you can remember is all the bad things. One of the higher ups told one of my friends that, "you should be thankful to be working." Yes, we all know we're replaceable...thank you for reiterating that fact. Racist sons and daughters of b*tches. I'm glad we're all on the same page. Practically everyone on my side of the office is leaving. Glad we're helping out with the downsizing. I should have known it would have been this way when all the attorneys started leaving when I first started. Granted, I never intended to stay this long, it just worked out that way. If I had it my way, I would have left end of this summer...but instead, I was forced to stay another half a year. At least i'm 6 months closer to my goal. That's the one thing that I will forever hate about law firms (not attorneys, I like some of them). Try to make me feel unworthy? I am not a child. Thank you for being an ass. Thank you for thinking you're god. Oh and most especially, thank you for paying me less than everyone else who does my job. I really appreciate it.

Release...

Stolen from Bumbles...
My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated? ---------------- It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. ~ Alan Cohen ---------------- Been meaning to put this up here. Yes, I like stealing from Bumbles--I love her quotes! They've just been speaking to me more and more, actually, more like yelling...

Tragic Flaws

You believe in doing the right thing, but aren't
always sure what that is.

What is Your Shakespearian Tragic Flaw?
brought to you by Quizilla ---------------- Yeah, I agree with that. *sigh* and sometimes even talking to myself about it dosen't help, or talking myself through it...something like that. Oh, but I would NEVER kill anyone...especially not my best friend(s)!! ---------------- Aced one class, one more to go! *fist in air*

Congratulations are in order...

First to these two. I knew it was going to happen, no woman has made my brother as patient as you have Kristy. WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!! and... These guys. Like we didn't know it was going to happen, but now they're official. Yes, it's been long enough...my two favorite couples have gotten engaged!! (Besides, they don't check this--I'll promote them!!) Oh and yes, they did tag team engagements. Swear man, best friends do NOT have to do everything together! Heh, yeah it all started years ago at my Sadie Hawkins Dance when mom and dad wouldn't let me go unless Noel went...then the love affair of Howard and Noel began. Now they're engaged...to GIRLS!! REAL LIVE GIRLS!! heheh j/k guys. Howard is like a brother to me, Gen has been a part of our family for so long now--and now I get another sister-in-law! I even like this one! (Long story) CONGRATULATIONS!!! Welcome to the family! Oh and btw, I knew at least a week before they did it. I can't believe I kept my mouth shut for so long!!!

Something for the Ladies

Stolen from Bumbles. . . . 1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. 2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. 3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. 4. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. 5. Slower is better. 6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. 7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. 8. Don't settle. 9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. 10. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. 11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. 12. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently? 13. Always have your own set of friends separate from his. 14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. 15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. 16. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within. 17. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. 18. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. 19. Never let a man define who you are. 20. Never borrow someone else's man. 21. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. 22. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. 23. All men are NOT dogs. 24. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street. 25. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. 26. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. 27. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. 28. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. 29. Never move into his mother's house. 30. Never co-sign for a man. 31. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. ----------------- Yeah, yeah....i'm guilty of more than one of those...workin on it! One question though, what if your intuition confuses the hell outta you?? You become Kerryish, just constant tug-of-war. I mean, at one point you're all gung-ho about going this one way...something set's you off...then something else, and you're trying to listen to yourself deep deep down and it starts to make sense--but all these other things start attacking you in your dreams. Neverending cycles, I hate them...it's like a battle inside.

Thanksgiving Fun!!

Most of my weekend was spent with this little dude (my godson), his momma, big sister, and the rest of the family... *click* *click* for pictures. So yeah, this weekend was fun with lan and family & some of the boys from back in the day. I don't have much time, just wanted to post these pic's up and say I had the bestest time ever guys. Finals in a week...wish me luck!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Turkey Day Everyone! Okay, that's about it...gotta finish getting ready cause Lan's on her way to pick my ass up and i'm already running late. Drive took us as if we were driving to Sac but whatever! We are home. I have celly. Call me if you wanna hang. But tomorrow i'm busy. hehehh. HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!! Oh and if Mr. Ver7igo Sir is reading this. Haffy gobble gobble, and welcome back!! Hopes flights was brr much so safe and all. *hug* Oh reals, I gotta go. Happy Turkey Day everyone!!

Early Thanksgiving

Before I get started...HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOEL!!! Now, on with the show... This weekend started off kind of rocky, yes, I left celly in the apt (found her on my bar table as soon as I walked in). So suffice it to say, if I didn't sync ipod, I would have been assed out...and yeah, everyone was calling Lan to get a hold of me (umm, sorry about Saturday--I heard). wanna see pictures? *click* *click* So yes, Thursday and Friday drinking was done, had, and over again. It was good to chill with the girls, and that's okay with some of the boys (ya'll are excused)--whatever to the other one. Saturday was kinda odd, the power on our block went out (even at Walgreens). So me, having no celly had to go to Albertsons to get change from a rude ass chinese lady who yelled at me for not having smaller bills for quarters for the phone--WHATEVER! I almost had it at that point, made my calls, picked up lola and headed over to my brothers. Of course when I went back home to unplug the fridge the power was back on...then after I vacuumed one part of the house the power goes out again...yeah, was one of those weekends. Actually, that day was very eventful after all that happened...got a lot of studying done, and my bro's girl and I worked on my personal statement (yes, I'm in the process of re-writing the entire thing). My dad was even impressed with my social issue section for NYU and Columbia, so I have hopes (and those sections are staying the same!). If all goes as planned, I will be the second person in my little family to obtain a Masters. Then today, of all days, for everything to go wrong. First, I got pissed off this morning because of "family" issues/arguments. So basically the entire morning was ruined, I looked like my eyes were gonna pop out or something (or extremely tired--but they all knew better). I hate it when we don't talk, but then again I kinda walked off cause I was so mad. grrrrrrr... THEN my plane got delayed like a whole hour. Grrrrrrr, from weather problems up in Vegas i'm told. That was just the cherry on top. Thanks Ben for the ride. =) Yes, rinse repeat later this week--except next time i'm driving. Yeah, i'm just bitching, it was good to see everyone though. Oh, the good thing is I found out where the family trip will be at end of July...we are going on a cruise to the Greek Isles. Yeah baby! We're going to Venice, Rome, and more! That's gonna be the best trip ever!! If all goes as planned, that'll be the last trip for a while...I can't wait!

No celly...

So in the rush rush of getting out of the apt the other day...I porgot celly. I *thought* she was with me, but she's not. It's okay though because--I am home. If you want to get a hold of me, call my parentals, or LaN-, or email, or IM (i'm on now). =) I need to start getting ready and study now. YEAH, I'M HOME!!!

Golden Rule

I'm going back to the Golden Rule, "treat others as you want to be treated." So i'm assuming, if you treat people in a certain way, that must mean that's how you want to be treated. Correct? Funny how people always expect you to be the one to bend, or be the ones to always do whatever they want, or be okay with their rules...

Foreseeing the future (possibly)

Capricorn Quickie: The finish line is right in front of you. One last push and you'll be there. Capricorn Daily extended: It looks like this may be the day when all of your hard work and effort finally pays off. Although others may have teased you for setting such strict rules for your behavior, they may have to eat their words at this point. It's true that sometimes you make impossible demands on yourself, but right now the results are exactly what you expected and hoped for. You may be in an ideal position to help others. Tact is your best ally. -------------- I'll be home soon. I can't wait. Finished up studying for my Policing Society Class (thank goodness), only one class to concentrate on now. For my first semester being back in school, I think I did pretty good. Well, the jury is still out on that one...but it's looking good. So yeah, pretty tired. Off to bed I go. G'NITE!

Crazy schedule...

So these next couple of weeks are gonna be crazy...CRAZY! Tomorrow is my last day at the shelter, then i'm home for two weekends in a row -- so i'm upping my studying. Basically, i'm gonna kill myself before I go home -- so when I am home ima chill with my peoples. Finals are creeping up, so that's why i'm staying on the up-and-up with my studies. Personal statements are coming *close* to final versions. Ordered and requested all the necessary documentations. So basically, I should be ready to submit everything beginning of January. On top of all that I gotta plan my 1st move, so my move after that will be even easier. So I retract my earlier statement, the next couple of months will be crazy! All of that, AND training for the race. (We WILL be one of the first 10,000 to cross the finish line!!) Oh and holiday's are coming up! At least i'll have a week off from work. *shrug* I'm tired just thinking of it...

Blog Explosion!

So because of Miss Yano, I decided to try this... Okay, now what do I do? hehe j/k! If you're visiting from Blog Explosion....WELCOME! I haven't really had a chance to visit any new blogs (but I will), just been doing too much school things and all that. So yeah, welcome & enjoy your stay! Actually, I REALLY should be sleeping...I just wanted to post this before I went to dream land. G'NITE!

Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure

I just got my sign up sheet for the Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure. It looks like I mail in the donations, soooooooooo would anyone like to donate for the cause? There isn't any specific amount that I have to collect, but i'd like to collect as much as possible. Yes, there are incentives to collect money--but i'd like to get as much as I can for the main reason that i'm running, to help find a cure. There are also prizes for the runners! The first 10,000 people to cross the finish line receives a commemorative Komen LA County Race for the Cure pin. Also, the top three male and female finishers will each receive a trophy. Good thing i'm going home, I can force Lan to go running with me, intense training in February. WE CAN DO IT!! So yeah, if anyone would like to donate, please let me know on here, or IM, or via email. It looks like I have to just fill out the form and mail it all in, but i'll call tomorrow to make sure. But most likely I just gotta mail everything in all together before February 19th, 2005, but i'll find out. So yeah, donate for the cause! You know you wanna! Oh and those that want more incentive than feeling really good? I'll give you a gmail email (I have 4 invites left). =) I don't have much to offer (or give away), but won't it be nice to have that nice feeling deep inside? I know I do, and man it'll be tenfold when I cross that finish line!

Jerry McGuire Moments

me: he had me at hello. a: AHAHAHAH a: oh my me: i'm retarded! I know, you don't have to say it--I already know...

The art of listening

I have come to the realization that no one ever *really* listens anymore. What people do is listen for key words--then mumble out a response, they're not *really* listening to what you're saying. They either make quick judgments, or they tell you what their feelings of what they "think" is really going on. They don't necessarily hear the words coming out of your mouth, or they don't ask why. That is the most important three-letter word EVER, why. No matter what I say no one ever *hears* me. They like to say oh you're saying this because of this or that, and you're not like that. Either that or they make a snap judgment and that is the be all end all of it. Do not question my authority! Makes me want to do a *High Hitler Fist* into chest slam. It disgusts me. Maybe it's because when i'm talking to someone I overanalyze things and like to find out why someone would ask that, or say that. It's just in my nature. I realize that people don't have time to do that anymore, you know, to actually listen. It's a lost art, I think. I was also once told that I turn words around in my head and hear what I want to hear, or I don't take words for face value. Which I think was odd, since the person I was talking to wasn't listening to my responses--only jumping to their own conclusions. *HIGH HITLER!* Maybe I over explained myself *shrug*, which I tend to do. --------------------- On making a big gesture. Ben: If you are scared then why do it? Anna: It's the things that scare you that are the most worthwhile. -Chasing Liberty --------------------- -------------------- So yeah, that was my day. Oh and yeah, once again ... all is right in my universe. =)

Let me feel, I don�t care if I break down.

Let me fall, even if I hit the ground. And if I cry a little, die a little; at least I know I lived. Just a little... I�ve become much too good, at being invincible. I�m an expert at play at safe and keep it cool. But I swear, this isn�t who I�m meant to be. I refuse to let my life roll over me. Let me feel, I don�t care if I break down. Let me fall, even if I hit the ground. And if I cry a little, die a little; at least I know I lived. I wanna be someone. I wanna be somebody who can face the things that I�ve been running from. Let me feel, I don�t care if I break down. Let me fall, even if I hit the ground. And if I cry a little, die a little; at least I know I lived. Its October again, leaves are coming down. One more years come and gone and nothings changed at all. -Parts of Haley's song from One Tree Hill ----------------- "Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out." -Oliver Wendell Holmes ----------------- Just kinda says what i've been feeling lately....

Time flies when you're having fun...

So it's been about six years that i've been away from home. Been through relationships, and about four different jobs in a field that I have learned to hate (although I seem to be pretty good at it). So much has happened, friendships have been strengthened, bonds created, or lost. It's amazing how time passes so quickly that we don't notice it till we stop and take a look around. So, after a lot of consideration (and the fact that my rent was raised AGAIN), I have decided that it's time to go home. I'm supposed to be saving money for when I go to Grad School, i'm not supposed to be spending it. So, at the end of January I will be back with my family and loved ones once again. It took me a while to get to this point, and LA was fun but i'd rather spend some time with my people before I start (hopefully) the next phase of my life. Why wait to go? School ends the first week of December, and I don't think I can organize a move with the holidays coming so soon. So most likely all my birthday money will be spent for all my moving costs. I'm really excited about this. Yeah, I won't have the security of a job (that I hate) but, i'll be able to chill and work temp jobs (i've always liked those). The most important thing about this? I'll be home. I can't wait. So yes, some people have been promised some of my things. Other things will be donated. I HATE moving, but at least i'll get rid of everything before I make the jump to the other coast. All my LA peeps, let's hang. Three more months, but i'll be back for the Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure at the end of February. You haven't gotten rid of me yet.

Welcome to rush hour traffic....

LA STYLE!! Don't worry, I was dead stopped and I was trying out my "night shot" mode. Eh, I think I need to wash my car (at least do the windows next time i'm at the gas station). Yes, this is what I do to amuse myself in traffic. Hey, at least i'm not smoking right? As you can see it's not as pretty as it is in Collateral (even without the dirty windows). I thought this was cool too. Yes, i'm a nerd. Just go ahead and say it, I KNOW all of you are thinking it...

FOUR MORE YEARS!!

Heh. Yeah, I HAD to say that. He is NOT the Devil Incarnate, so all you Kerry lovers can go hug a tree. heh, yes...I HAD to say that too. Yes, we are the majority now, in the Executive, Legislative, and soon to be added....the JUDICIAL. Yes, this was a very important election, and if you didn't vote...sorry, not listening. You HAD your chance to speak your mind, too bad you blew it. So yeah, we all have our reasons for voting how we did. Elections are done and over with, now we all must move on. I have hope for the future, it's really sad to hear/read that some people can't get over it. You can't let this get you down, if you have a problem with it...DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Get involved, make a difference! I'm working on the making a difference part, I think obtaining my MSW will bring out the advocate in me, then I can REALLY start using that Poly Sci degree that I obtained six years ago. So yeah, hate the results? GET OVER IT! Now it's time to do something about it, stop bitching and complaining about everything--that does nothing but annoy. Talk to your Congressman/woman/person, letters do help, petitions even more...and please NEVER EVER tell me you don't have time to vote, that makes me wanna slap somebody (and I almost did). Get off your ass and do something about it! One person can change the world! heh, okay i'm done now. FOUR MORE YEARS!!!

GO VOTE!!!

Go out there and vote!! I did! *raises fist*

You Are a Liberal Republican

When you tell people that you're Republican, they rarely believe you. That's because you're socially liberal - likely pro-choice and pro-gay rights. You're also not so afraid of big goverment, as long as it benefits people and not politicians. You are the most likely of any Republican type to swing over to the Democrat side sometimes.

What political persuasion are you?

Middle of the road...

So okay, I got my midterm score. Low to Mid B. I'm so not happy. I know, I know...silver lining. Good score for the first midterm that i've had in five years, but still...not good enough. I got distracted, and you know...so NOT worth it. So, from now till my final i'm going to immerse myself in my studies, volunteering, training, and other things that I have to get done (i.e. application crap). I can't afford to be "de-railed" from my goal, I need to do the best that I possibly can (and I will NOT settle for anything less). ----- BREAK!!! (i.e. conversations w/ my peoples) ----- *Breathe* Okay, that is all. No more madness, no more sadness. Gotta do this, or I won't go to where I want to be (not that a B is bad, A is even better). Oh and yeah, go out and vote tomorrow!! I already did!

Your Daily Tarot Reading

Love: The Star Touchstone: The Sun Career: The Hanged Man What a lovely day for you, dear Eileen Joy: You have drawn two celestial bodies, the Sun and the Star. With these two illuminating your romantic life, there will be no lack of tenderness, sincerity and personal happiness. You love, and you're loved in return, and that's wonderful. There is not a cloud in your sky. Make the best of these privileged moments. They make good souvenirs for times when you're feeling a bit under the weather. At work, you're not exactly on fire, although the situation around you in the professional sphere is extremely positive. The Hanged Man stops you from feeling and taking advantage of all the positive energy radiating from the Sun. Why not risk letting yourself go a little today? Those around you will back you up! Come on, be bold, you won't regret it! ---------------- Okay, now all I have to do is a wigi board. Anyone down?

"Magic isn't just spells and potions.

Your badge, it's just a star. Your talisman. You can't stop criminals in their tracks, can it? It has power because you believe it does. Wish you could believe in me." -Practical Magic Happy halloween everyone! =)

Words that yell at you...

We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee. Service is the rent we pay to be living. It is the very purpose of life and not something you do in your spare time. -Marian Wright Edelman Anna you rock!! Thank you for remembering her, and the link. =) I also bought a quote book today (not Bartlet's), I like this one too... Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. -William Jennings Bryan ohhhh, this one too!! Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do. -Johann von Goethe I'm glad I got this book, I guess i'm gonna start working on the statements early. It's going to be perfection! Or as close as I can get it!

Need a little help pls...

So guys. I need your help with some fantobulous quotes for my personal statement. I used the one with the little boy throwing the starfish back into the sea in my last one to Rutgers, and I need something new for my new ones (for Rutgers, Columbia & NYU). Anyone have anything thoughts or ideas? Any movies I should watch to snag a quote off? Please let me know on here, or email me...I would say IM but I can't do that at work anymore, so that's pointless to say here. So yeah, anything would help. THANKS!! *MWAH*

Random quotes...

-There seems to be a kind of order in the universe, in the movement of the stars and the turning of the earth and the changing of the seasons, and even in the cycle of human life. But human life itself is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own rights and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own. -Love is purely a creation of the human imagination, the most important example of how the human imagination continually outruns the creature it inhabits. -Our being is subject to all the chances of life. There are so many things we are capable of, that we could be or do. The potentialities are so great that we never, any of us, are more than one-fourth fulfilled. -You can't write about people out of textbooks, and you can't use jargon. You have to speak clearly and simply and purely in a language that a six-year-old child can understand; and yet have the meanings and the overtones of language, and the implications, that appeal to the highest intelligence. -Katherine Ann Porter

Little achievements make me happy...

So today is my one month anniversary from quitting smoking. =) Of course, I quit so I can run the Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure without having to stop many times (for air, or water). I can now run a full 3.1 miles without stopping. *pats back* Also, *drum roll* in my Policing Society class, on my last quiz...I only missed ONE question. =) I was determined to do good, my quiz prior I missed more than I wanted to (a high B--but still). I'd like to think it was because of "performance anxiety", that was the night we had our Group Presentation...which we got 50/50 thank you very much. I just hate speaking in front of large groups of people. So I brought my grade back up to the level that I would like to be, the highest possible that I can. Yeah, you can say it...i'm a nerd. I have accepted my nerdiness, so I don't care what ya'll think about that. So today i'm taking myself out to lunch & getting myself whatever I want. =) Oh and don't forget to CLICK! It counts double this month!!

Last week to help...

Dear Eileen Joy, This is the last week to help The Breast Cancer Site fund 500 mammograms during October, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month... Together, supporters of the site have already funded approximately 400 mammograms -- your help is needed to fund 100 more mammograms for uninsured women before the Pink Ribbon Challenge ends Sunday night! Make your free click now. Want to boost your support in the fight against breast cancer? Shop the Pink Ribbon Packs & Bags Sale. Learn more about this hot deal below, plus, get the scoop on how you can search our entire store through our new search box feature included at the bottom of every Gear That Gives email. It's so easy! Gear Up with Pink Ribbon Packs & Bags -- On Sale! In honor of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we've put all our Pink Ribbon Packs and Bags on sale. Now you can tote pink ribbon pride wherever you go... We've got a do-good bag for every occasion: purses, backpacks, totes, briefcase, CD case, traveler's pouch, messenger bag and more! Each one features the pink ribbon of breast cancer awareness, and your purchase will help fund a free mammogram for a woman in need. New! Search our Entire Store with the Click of a Mouse Don't see exactly what you're looking for? Try our new search box at the bottom of every email! Now it's even easier to shop our do-good store for beautiful jewelry, cozy scarves, unique handcrafted items, and home d�cor. It's one-stop shopping for everyone on your list -- including you! Give it a try below. Simply type in a keyword or the name of the item you're looking for and click "Search." Thanks for clicking and shopping where it matters. And Happy Halloween to those of you celebrating this Sunday! Sincerely, Gear That Gives news@gearthatgives.com www.GearThatGives.com -------- I already got this, the only pink I will wear on a daily; and this, which will give me hope...since I have little. I have helped fund for 2% of a mamogram & with my daily clicks, i'm sure i've helped someone in need. =) Have you helped? Please click. Every click helps...

The walls are thick that surround me...

why did I let them get through the cracks? I need better cement, or the glue that I was using to mend everything needs to be a hell of a lot stronger. I've been debating on where i'll be applying to for the fall. I've finally decided. Straight up East Coast, Rutgers is most def on top, Columbia then of course NYU. ONLY East Coast. I was thinking i'll apply to schools at home, but you know what...home will always be home. People who are at home, they'll still be there. If things didn't work before, what the hell makes me think it'll work now? Besides, that's not enough to change my dreams (key word my dreams, my life). Especially when I end up doing more. I always end up expending more energy than I should be. They don't do a daymn thing, but I always end up changing or expending more than I should...I hate it when that happens. So this place has been on my mind lately... thanks dale for the pic. =) I can't wait till Babygirl and I get there. Soon, soon, soon. I just gotta get through this midterm, and the classes, volunteering, applications, personal statments(s) (yes, plural...gotta re-write one for Rutgers, and a brand new one for Columbia & NYU), letters of rec from my prof's & peoples... So much to do, so little time. But in the end, I think i'll finally be happy... "I dare you to move I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor i dare you to run i dare you to run Like today never happened Today never happened before"

Crazed thoughts have taken over...

my mind is on hiatus. I'm going to be bombarded with facts about social work (as if I haven't had enough). Other thoughts are going though my mind. Past thoughts. Reminding me of what had been. What went on. How it became. Do I want to do it again? I hate feeling like 2nd string. Been there before, it took me down. down... down.. down. That's the worst feeling ever. Would never wish it on my worst enemy. Tore me apart, over and over again. I can't even put it in words... to make them understand.

Hide and go seek.

So i've been playing this game (well not really), it's more like i'm here...they're not--now i'm not, and SURPRISE there they are! It's like WHOA. Yeah, well maybe it's not really like that...just seems that way. It's like you put so much time into something and get nowhere, then when you decide you've had enough and take a few steps back, lookie lookie they'rrrreee baaaaacccck. Weird how that always happens with me. So yeah, I ain't doin sh*t no more. Tired, and got too much sh*t to do. Plus i'm recovering from being sick...bastards. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

heh

a: 80 bucks for partial highlights. a: ok i usu get a half head me: oh man. me: that's how much for all highlights w/ my hairdresser. a: i might as well just go there during lunch to make sure half head = partial me: partial is 50 a: dang me: that's expensive! a: when ur place says partial do they mean 1/2 head? me: yeah me: just not full blown highlights. me: half, enough to accentuate your head. me: hahaha a: hehe a: 1/2 is usually good for me me: good! me: it's gonna take longer than a lunch hour. a: oh yea i know that me: hair cuts take longer than lunch hour. a: id jus wanna meet the ppl in person i guess before goin me: anything hair related is long. me: ahh cool a: yes..so tru a: unless ur a guy a: dammit a: haha me: i know! me: a straight guy. a: hahaaAHAHAH me: it's true!

I (Throughout Time)...

Stolen from Mel, and it took me a while to figure out how I was going to answer this... 15 Years Ago (1989), I: 1. was a freshman in high school. 2. joined the "Flag Team" & Varsity Golf. 3. went for vacation to Cali (after 5 years of living in Guam and 2 in Hawaii). 4. started learning how to drive stick from my brother. 5. had my first real crush. 10 Years ago (1994), I: 1. was in my 2nd year at San Jose State. 2. was working at DeJaiz. 3. was an assistant director for JAC. 4. changed from nursing to pscyhology major. 5. went out a lot and became the "rebel" of the family...IRC soon followed. 5 Years ago (1999), I: 1. took my "offical" last "undergrad" class in the fall, so instead of '98 my diploma says '99. 2. have been living in southern cali for a year. 3. got my first 9-5 job. 4. got my first tatoo. 5. created my first "web site" (which I recently took down). 2 Years ago (2002), I: 1. started at TSMP. 2. got my first snowboard (either this year or the year before, i'm not sure) 3. went through relationships... 4. started blogging (thanks Mike!) 5. moved into my kick ass 2 story apartment. 1 Year ago (2003), I: 1. went to the East Coast for the first time & found my new home (hopefully in the fall). 2. got my last tatoo (I think). 3. got my dope as celly w/ the keyboard...she rocks. 4. got my dope ass coach bag (swear this season SUCKS ass). 5. re-connected with old friends. 6 Months ago (April 2004), I: 1. got my ipod from momma. 2. applied to the MSW program at Rutgers. 3. wrote my first personal statement. 4. started throwing old things away, and started going through my closet. 5. boarded Mammoth!! black diamond's baby! (well really in february but i wanted to say that). Yesterday (Oct 16, 2004), I: 1. woke up late and started too late. 2. studied for almost 12 hours straight for my social work class. 2. ate pizza and cinnamon sticks. 3. drank soda. 5. watched friends at 7. Today (Oct 17, 2004), I: 1. continued studying. 2. watched spiderman for 15 minutes. 3. volunteered at the shelter. 4. surfed the net and did this because it was super slow volunteering. 5. will go grocery shopping since I don't have much to eat at home. Tomorrow (Oct 18, 2004), I: 1. work. 2. school. 3. eat. 4. study. 5. sleep.

Sending my love...

with a dozen roses. heh. They probably won't even read this before they ride, but I wanna send out my good luck wishes and huggies and kisses to my boys Keesey, and Merkos. They're in Austin, Texas for the Lance Armstrong, Ride for the Roses. It's a Century...100 friken miles. I'm beyond proud of them, it's just amazing how they're sticking to it no matter what. So guys, after my massive study session i'm doing the rosary just for ya'll. *SLAP* *MWAH* *HUG* Go out there and ride 'em HARD!! Be like Nike. ;) ;) See ya when ya'll get back (and I go home). *MWAH*

Ten on Tuesday

Ima be like Mike and do Yano's 10 on Tuesday... Ten Favorite Quotes from the Movies Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention? Love Jones: Never make the same mistake twice. . . 'cause that shit's played out like a 8 track. When that jones come down Come down like a muthafucka. Love is what you make and who you make it with. Love, Passion, It is, what it is. Mighty Ducks 3: What's the one thing all great teams have in common? . . . defense. See, unlike scoring defense never quits. But to play great defense you need one thing above all else. . . confidence. Listen, if you learn nothing else while you're here you learn this. . . alright? This is not just about hockey. It's easy to be confident when you have control of the puck, it's very very difficult to keep that confidence when you gotta take whatever strange bounces life throws your way. . . don't be careless--but don't be too careful either!! You cannot be afraid to lose!! That's how you gain the confidence to ATTACK the game when the puck isn't yours. That's how you attack life. Even when you think you don't have any control. . . and thats how you play real defense. Jerry McGuire: You had me at hello... You bet on me...like i bet on you. Some Kind of Wonderful: ...remember how i said i'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons, then alone for the right ones? I'd rather be right. Shawshank Redemption: Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies. Fear can hold you prisoner, hope can set you free. Serendipity: You have to have faith. . . in destiny. 10 Things I Hate About You: I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. The Breakfast Club: Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club. The Outsiders: Nature's first green is gold / her hardest hue to hold / her early leaves a flower / but only so an hour / then leaf sudsides to leaf / so Eden sank to grief / so dawn goes down to day / nothing gold can stay.

If I was your woman...

And you were my man You'd have no other woman You'd be weak as a lamb If you had the strength To walk out my door My love would overrule my sins And I'd call you back for more If I was your woman (x2) And you were my man, yeah She tears you down darling Says you're nothing at all But I'll pick you up darling When she lets you fall Cause, You're like a diamond But she treats you like glass Yet you begged her to love you For me you won't ask .... Life is so crazy And love is unkind Because she was first darling Will she hang on your mind? You're part of me But you don't even know it I'm what you need But I'm too afraid to show it .... If I was your woman... -alicia keys

Every day that passes,

brings me closer to my goal... This has been going though my head all day long, all the live long day. How sad right? What get's me though the day is where I want to be. I stare at the wallpaper on my celly (NY skyline taken from Jersey), it makes me happy to see the Empire State building (and all those other tall ones). That's where I want to be, but for some reason i'm still here. I'm working to getting to where I want, i'm still here for a reason. I think I know why, but I want to make sure it's the right thing to go for. I'm scared, but at the same time i'm not. I know what my path is, I know where I want to be, everyone knows where I want to be...I haven't hidden my intentions. I keep going in circles, trying to find some answers, to get some "clarity". Circles. Complete circles. Every day. One way. Then the other. Sometimes I stop...look around, and go back around again. I'm so tired. I also want this. I'm going to wear it all month long, it'll be a reminder of hope. Hope, sometimes I have so little. I think i'm just tired, when everything starts settling down...maybe i'll have my "balance" back. I always feel like i'm walking on a tight rope, does that sound bad? I want so much, it's hard to try to do it all. I think that's my problem. Never satisfied. No one wants that job either. Eh, whole other story, another day. And a whole other topic entirely...

Good-bye Superman...

Christopher Reeve September 25, 1952 - October 10, 2004 We used to watch you fly around and save the world, one of the first movies i've ever watched with my family. You stayed strong even after your accident, we wished you would have stayed with us long enough to walk again... You were a wonderful man, with a beautiful spirit. Strong, even when most would fall. Rest in peace Mr. Reeve, you will always be remembered...and to me, you'll always be my favorite Superman.

Capricorn Daily Horoscope

You're feeling an extremely strong pull to make some changes -- some very deep, very emotional changes. Don't fight it. Even if you have to let something go, remember -- nothing new can arrive if there's no room for it. ---- This has actually been on my mind, weird that everything that's been going on has been going in this direction. Let it go. Keep on movin, keep on goin'. Keep yo' head up, you'll get there. I hear all of this from everyone, even myself. So i'm sorry if I haven't been around, and i'm sorry that i'm not trying to keep things goin'. If you haven't been there for me, why should I put some extra effort to keep things afloat? Friendship, like anything is a two-way street, you can't expect one person to constantly keep things going--that's just not how it works. Busyness does not equal ignore my existence, I am not a figment of your imagination. Heh, as the Beastie Boys say...let it go, let yourself go, slow and low...that is the tempo...

A little push is all you need.

Some people live for the fortune Some people live just for the fame Some people live for the power, yeah Some people live just to play the game Some people think that the physical things Define what's within And I've been there before But that life's a bore So full of the superficial Some people want it all But I don't want nothing at all If it ain't you baby If I ain't got you baby Some people want diamond rings Some just want everything But everything means nothing If I ain't got you, Yeah ------------------------- I haven't really been slacking off with the studying, but I haven't been doing it full force as I should be (especially with my Social Work class)...but after today, i'm going full steam ahead. I need to get out of this place, this office to be exact. I hate it here, it depresses me, and it ruins my happy friday mood. I know i've been thinking of applying to a school at home, and two out east...but when push comes to shove, I think i'm going to end up out east. It's too appealing, it's been calling my name since the first time I visited. It's different, and it's not in Cali. It's not that I don't like home, it's just that I need a change (or I will lose my mind). I know some people don't understand why I feel this need (that's okay--it's my life remember), but I need something different, something that gives me a purpose, makes me happy. I hate being mad all the time. I'm not going towards something (well, I am), it's not what everyone thinks. I need a different lifestyle, I need a change. This is all for me, and I know some of my people won't understand (and maybe even resent me for it), but at this point...I don't care. If things start poppin' before I leave, well, i'll cross that bridge when I get to it. But this place, LA, my job. It sickens me. Depressed mofo's who have no life, gotta be mean to their support staff. It's not right. I moved out here to be on my own, and I've done just that. Figured out a few things. Now i'm ready to move on. Yeah, i'll be poor for a couple of years after I get into a program...but that won't be a big deal (I think). I just need to get out of here, before they take over my mind and bring me over to their world. Sometimes I wish it was back in the day, and I can just pick up and leave...

Welcome Ava Marin Cruz Lardizabal!!

I just wanted to congratulate Manong Merrick & Jen on the birth of their babygirl!! and here's the proud parents... I am so happy for you two, I know ya'll have been wanting this for a long time. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

It's all about the questions...

Sometimes I wonder how things have become the way they are. Or why I dream they way that I do. Or why do I still have insomnia (even though I try really hard to sleep early enough). My mind is full of all these questions, and i'm not exactly sure how I should answer them. Constantly bombarded by one thing or the other (sometimes all at the same time), it's getting annoying. I'm happy for the most part, then I get in these moods that make me cry over nothing. Not just tear, but cry, cry like someone has taken my heart and smashed it into pieces...but nothing has happened to make me do such a thing. It's so weird. Sometimes I wake up from dreams, crying...not the slow flowing tears, the fast, hard, can't breathe kind of tears. It happens whenever it feels like it. Sometimes when i'm driving, or at work. Thoughts enter my mind, and it upsets me so much...then the tears start to flow. I can't explain it, but i'd really like to. So much is happening all at once (maybe that's it), I don't know anymore. I feel like i'm being pulled in all sorts of directions--but i'm standing still. I want to do something--but can't, i'm in a tug of war (with myself). I'm always trying to plan things, that never come through. One day i'm told, patience hasn't always been my strong point. So yeah, the older I get the more emotional (and weaker--I think) I become. How sad right? I always thought of myself as a rock, one of the strongest people I met. No, that's not vain of me, or having a big head. It's just out of all my friends, we're all up there on strength (physical and mental). Maybe that's why I don't have much girlfriends (that's more loyalty & love than anything), but my boys...well, that's a whole other story. These tears though, it's getting annoying. I can't explain it, and no one really knows what to say to me when it happens. I started saying it's my allergies, you know...fall and all. They need to invent some sort of pill that I can take, maybe then i'll be okay. It's not that i'm not okay, my emotions are all over the place...I need something to help me stabilize, to create some sort of equilibrium. Eqifinality, I must find that (for this)...

Strange Dreams...

Now i'm not going to bore you with the details, but last night (or rather--early this morning) I had the strangest dream. I looked up the different "situations" or "elements" within the dream, and this is what I found... Fighting Fighting is a no nonsense dream of change, and the dream itself will have to point to the area of your life that will be changed. The degree of change can be determined by how hard you fought, and if you won or lost the fight. ----- That was the main theme of the dream. After I kicked ass, for some reason I ran out of the building and was being chased--to be eventually stopped (then I woke up). I can't find anything regarding that, but I have a good idea. It just seemed so real...

It's yo' birthday, get busy..

Or as you said, get sleepy. hehehehe, I just wanted to say... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANONG MERRICK!!! So this was way back when... And this was about a year ago or so, at your wedding. So you have a most beauteous day, get some rest, do what you wanna do cause... IT'S YO' BIRTHDAY! =)

Random Thought

"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts --uncritically-- to those who hardly think about us in return." -T.H. White

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

So October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please click on the link on the right, that will fund free mammograms for women in need (you can also have an email reminder sent to you every day--so every day you're helping someone out there in need). If you like yogurt, please purchase the yoplait yogurt with the pink lids and send those lids in, "save lids, save lives." There are a bunch of stuff out there that you'd normally buy, but if you buy it in October it'll go towards Breast Cancer Research. Here are a few links: Heart To Tarte Collection from Sephora Glisten-Listen Gift Set Breast Cancer Awareness Pop-Up Travel Brush You can also buy these items at the store, and yes...it will go towards Breast Cancer Research. I'm doing the Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure on February 27, 2005. I can't register yet, but when I can, you bet i'm going to be bugging everyone to sponsor me. =) I'm doing this in honor of my Aunt who passed away from Breast Cancer earlier this year. So anything that I can do to support the cause I will do. I also recruited a few friends and family members to run with me, if you want to run with me--please let me know. If I was ready, i'd do the City of Hope - Walk for Hope. But I just started training ("officially") a few weeks ago--it's going good, but I still got a ways to go. If anyone wants to train with me in so cal, please let me know (I got someone to train with at home). So please, this month, if you see anything with a pink lid (or it says proceeds goes towards Breast Cancer Research), please buy that instead of something that's not. I urge you to do what you can to help support this cause. I know a lot of women are lost because of this dreaded disease, so do what you can to help them out.

Pat me on the back...

I got another 90 on my quiz for my Policing Society class. Doing good, but I want to do better. Project is next week, right after our 3rd quiz. I'm a little worried about my Social Work class (I hope she gives us study guides for the mid term). I'm doing better now than when I was in undergrad, I wish I did better then...it would look a lot better on my behalf. This time around I think my professors know my name, which is always a good thing (seeing how quiet I usually am). My group thinks i'm a nerd, one of my best friends thinks i'm a nerdo--the other one is just happy i'm doing as good as I am. Eh whatever, I just hope this all works...a lot is riding on this. One might say the rest of my life. You know how some people say the rest of their life is based on their wedding/significant other or what not. Yeah, I don't have that, so i'm focused on myself. Nor do I have little people who look like me (that sprouted from me), so I focus on me (and those around me). Yeah, me me me. Whatever. Are YOU going to live my life for me? Thought not. Yeah, so far so good. Things seem to be falling in place. School wise at least. After all this I gotta write something that talks all about me. The Dean said i'll be a different person after I take these classes, I feel the change already. I like the challenges the professors have given me, i'd like to do more. I'd like to read more. Talk more. They're forcing me to speak, even my classmates...they poke me to raise my hand. I gotta get over this fear of speaking in front of large groups of people. I hate looking like an ass. People like to laugh at people who make an ass of themselves, as if they've never done it before. But yeah, to celebrate my "A" I got myself $1.00 nuggets. I wish they were dark meat, dark meat is so much better...

Schedule sucks more and more with each passing day...

There are things going on at home that I'd like to attend, but can't, cause my schedule sucks. I know, I know, gotta get some stuff done in order to do other things that I'd like to do...I can still complain right? For instance, my brother's best friend (and one of my good friends) is having a housewarming/house blessing...i'm still debating if I should go. I volunteer on Sundays, every Sunday till the weekend before Thanksgiving (the weekend before that is my last day), this is a requirement for one of my classes...can't go around it. I'd like to finish all that before Thanksgiving, so when the holiday's hit I can go gallivanting my merry way up and down the state. Of course when the actual holiday's hit classes will be over and the much needed 4.0 (*crosses-fingers*) will be had. So far so good. After that I can go on and apply all over the country (my mom's pretty excited about that--she hopes i'll get in somewhere in the bay w/ a scholarship). I wanted to go home for my Godson's birthday and for Halloween, i've never seen the kiddies in their costumes (and Lan was saying that if it was on a Saturday they would have come down--but it's not). I miss them, I talk to Rikki every day on aim (isn't that weird?)...ain't technology grand? I know, it's the choice I made. If my grades from undergrad were better to begin with (should not have been a nursing or psych major), I wouldn't be in this predicament. Then again, if they took me anyway I wouldn't have had this time to bond with old friends... That's one way to look at it right? I love seeing everyone, just this past weekend the boys came down. They tried to get a hold of me at like 2am, but I was in dream land apparently. At least I got to see some of you, the others of you i'd like to see next time I go home *hint* *hint* *nudge* *nudge*. Which leads me to that question. Should I lose sleep and haul ass home, fit everyone in, then haul ass back late late Saturday night/early Sunday morning? I wouldn't be able to drink. Eh, the sacrifices we all make. At least my group project will be done, and i'll just have to worry about studying after that (and volunteering)... Everyone's been really good at getting a hold of me and making time to see me. I really appreciate it. This is what I would have missed if they took me now (or actually then). Guess things do happen for a reason. I really like this. Of course, it should have been this way the entire time--but life does tend to get in the way. Options are open. Taking it one day at a time. We'll see how things go, take it from there. That's what i've been telling myself. That's why some things have worked the way they have, and some haven't. I hope it all works out in the end, and i'll be happier with the route I have chosen...my "path" will eventually be easier to handle (at least i'll get a grip on things). Just a few more months.... -------- I guess I didn't say it, my wrist is sprained and I don't know how I did it. They say it could because of an old injury and the weather. Woke up Sunday morning and it hurt like hell. Had it wrapped up since the other day. Still hurts. Hope it heals by tomorrow, I wanna lift...

Happy Birthday to one of my bestest friends!!!

Happy Birthday Lan!! It's yo' birthday girl! I know we already celebrated, and if I could...my ass would be up there tonight! But yay, you're finally 30! Some say we have reached our peak, the time of our lives even. I personally say that's another way to say that we're old (and your birthday is just another reminder that in 3 months i'll be even older =P). But whatever, we have reached another decade! I hope our 30s are way better than our 20s. As you know, we've been through hell and back, through boys, you and the little ones, and me through school and moving...and we're still standing strong. We've made some great choices, and some really bad ones...but at least now we can look back and laugh and say--what the hell were we thinking?? We've moved out and been on our own for a little while now, and it might be hard but we're still doin it (and doing it rather well I might add). We might not see each other as much as we'd like, but we still make time and talk to each other practically every day! We've been through some really great times girl! Had to drop some people along the way (their loss me thinks), but no matter what happened we've always stayed strong. I'm very thankful for that. You are one of the strongest women I know, and i'm very proud of who you have become. Yeah, i'll hopefully be working on my masters soon and be off on the other side of the country...but when you finish your undergrad, you can bet my ass will be there with bells on yelling my head off (just like you did for me). (Or when anything happens really.) We have been through so much, and we still got more to go. I just wanted to wish you a happy happy birthday!! After your parents come back and my volunteering ends (and school calms down) we're gonna go drinking (you daymn alcoholic!), and we gonna celebrate your 30-ness again! Happy birthday girl!! I luv ya! *HUG*

Restless days, and sleepless nights...

So I haven't really had a good nights rest in a long long time. Yes, insomnia has been kicking in (I have no idea why). So last night after chit chatting with Keesey I've decided to bring my once thought to be impossible goal back... Some of you might remember that I said I wanted to look like this... Now the goal is this... Check out the girls arms! I'm not quite there, but i'm getting there. Gotta cut my abs down, and cut a inch off my ass. I'm thinking training for the race will help me reach my goal. So yeah, original goal is back on! Maybe now i'll be able to sleep at night, well, after long days at work, studying into the wee hours of the night, or working out till I can't give anymore. I. Will. Get. There. The only question will be, once the race is over...what next? Then again, where will I be? Maybe this is why I can't sleep...too many questions in my head...

Beautiful wishes, and happy days...

First of all I would like to wish Dale a happy happy birthday!!! It's a no gym day, with whatever you wanna eat/do kinda day man! And i'd like to let you know that I have the bestest cousin ever! Roger is the man! He opened up my glove box and freed my radio face plate!! YES! Music in my car once again!! (I know LA, no radio?? You must be insane?!?!) He's gonna look for the replacement part for me, so I just might not have to pay for it...or as much for it. He also got me a parking spot over at school. See I have the best family, he comes to me to fix my car problems/issues. Those people must have been looking at us all crazy, he parks, I go behind him, he pulls out, I park. Niceness. Oh and he also hooked me up with a spam musobe maker he got from Longs in Hawaii. Now i'll be able to make them and not have them break on me. =) So yeah, things are good, and I think I did really good on my test the other night too *cross-fingers*. Other than that...I really wish people would listen to me, or take what I have to say at face value. I think that's my only gripe for the moment. They either have selective hearing, or just make up their own interpretation of the words that are coming out of my mouth (or emails, or im's that I type up). It's just so frustrating. But whatever, i'll get over it--I always do... So yeah, happy day Dale! Whoooo ha!! =)

Sitting alone in my corner...

Have you ever felt like you're tired of reaching, and always being the one to reach out? I know everyone has a million and one things to do (I know I do), but I'm always the first one to take the first step... Lately i've been feeling like i'm always looking for a way out. You know, you get to this place...you're there, you like what's around you. Something happens, triggers some negative feeling that only you feel, then the insecurities sink in. Of course you're the only one who feels this way, it's not triggered by anything that anyone said to you, or did. It's just something in your mind that popped up, possibly out of your imagination... I find myself always doing that, maybe it's just a self-defense that likes to be show it's ugly head every now and again, and again. I reach, I pull back, reach, pull back, reach, pull back...you get the picture. You take out one element, substitute with new element, rinse, repeat. Sometimes I feel like I go to this level, then I start suffocating...release, repeat. It's like i'm making myself go through all this "drama", but it's only in my head. I'm always afraid that my fears will become my reality, and that will always be the thing that hurts the most...

Those were the days...

These are some pic's prior digi cam years (yeah I've been snapping pic's for a while now), not the best quality--but i'm finally getting around to getting all my pictures scanned. This is Shannie, one of my bestest friends. More to come when I get around to it... Enjoy!

One down, a hell of lot more to go...

Lan told me this morning that she's doing the run with me. HELL YEAH! She made me so happy. I have a semi-training partner now, and the good thing is we're doing this together (bad habits and all--with my exception of long long drives home). But anyway, yes, that made my morning. =) We're gonna train together when i'm home, so come November and December i'm not slacking on vacation. grrrrrr, it's for a good cause I know (and I know my Auntie is looking down on me and smiling). Body is in pain from over working out from the weekend, I know I know--i'm going to slow down and pace myself. So hard to do when i'm going fast forward, but i'll slow it down from this point on. My abs are friken hurting me, but as most of you know i'm so into abs (mostly on guys) and i've been trying to get a 4 pac (at the very least) for years--I think they're finally coming through. =) So yeah, eh...happy monday all?

Helping out...

So some of you may know that with my classes I have to volunteer, today was my second day. It was rather interesting and I think the women are opening up to me. It gave me that cheery-all-over-good feeling that I have been lacking as of late. Seeing the faces on the women after serving them lunch or helping them out, or just chillin with them after their "computer" classes or whatever they do was nice. They were even talking to me about stupid little things going on, one of them noticed my hawaiian jewelry and that i'm from the islands (since I lived there I can say that--unlike some people who've never stepped a foot yet still claim.) I didn't really feel like going this morning, but as soon as I got there I felt really good about being there. The other volunteers are making me feel welcomed, and I was actually in charge of some things today (which made me feel better about being there). It was just nice, they all welcomed me...I felt like I was a part of something bigger. I left feeling a whole lot lighter, and in the end I was glad I went. I guess this whole volunteering has gotten me on this helping out kick. I even sent out an email to all my friends and family to see who wants to participate in the LA Breast Cancer Run/Walk in February. I'm gonna do it regardless if anyone does it with me or not. I even started training this weekend. This of course will only work if I quit my bad habit, or seriously cut down (which I already started to do). One of the volunteers said she'll sponser me. So yeah, once I start my training and sign up i'll be hittin ya'll up for donations. ;) Although my legs are in pain, I feel daymn good. Normally i'll work out once or twice a week, most of the time it's just step and lift...but seeing that I didn't get to the gym early enough to lift, I opted to go on Saturday and lift and run. That run just sucked big beans--probably shouldn't have done my bad habit, but I can't help it--it's addicting! So after volunteering I decided to go for a quick run. That run kicked ass, I even went overboard (of course I have my "mini-breaks" but that's only for a quick gulp of water, then I keep on going. I wanna be able to run straight through before I take on the Rose Bowl, but I will get there sometime soon (i'm hoping to enlist the help of Kinjamin with training, or at least running around the bowl every week). That would be really nice, otherwise i'll eventually make my way out there...on a not so hot southern california day. (I would so melt.) So yeah, this whole volunteering thing has actually made me go out and start doing things. I'm no longer just talking about eventually doing anything, i'm gonna do it. I wanted to do a lot of things, but i'm going to be reasonable this time around. Just like with school, i'm going to do things that are attainable (not so easy mind you, takes a lot of hard work to get whatever I want--that's always to be expected). Anyways ya'll get where i'm going with this, i'm not trying to preach or anything...it's just I like this good feeling I have inside (I wanna keep feeling this way). So I imagine that once I get my MSW i'll have this constant good feeling because i'll be trying to make tons of dents (I know I won't save the world--but i'm going to try my best too dammit!!). That's always been one of my goals, well it's actually to take over the world (but I have long since given up on that). Anyways, Emmy's is on...I want Jennifer Aniston to win. She be looking hot tonight!

Happy days, and things to save up for...

So for some reason i've been really happy (like bouncing up and down on my chair kind of happy). It's a Shannie night! Whooo hoooo! Victor might come along, but whatever he's one of the girls (j/k Victor--you're hella cool). I miss those days when your girlies or your boys call you out of the blue and ask you to hang with them. Well actually I take that back, that has been happening to me (not really out of the blue--kinda planned, but not). It just makes me so happy to be around my loved ones. *sigh* It's so rare for me since everyone has their own lives, work, and/or significant others (and it's really cool when the significant other likes to chill with your friends--makes them even better). You know, getting older isn't much fun...sometimes I wonder why I was in such a rush... And did you all know that Cingular has done away with the technicians in the store? So if you have problems with your phone (and I have a few minor probs), you have to send it away! It would help if they stated that on the website so you don't look like a dumb ass when you swing by the closest store (since they're too lazy to pick up the daymn phones!!). So I have decided that since I have a year left on my contract ima save up for a new beauteous Nokia. I'm not exactly sure which one I want, but I'll think of something...and i'm thinking of going to T-Mobile (since Verizon phones suck ass). Oh and another thing, for all you ipod owners. NEVER EVER hook your ipod up to a mac if it's already formatted for a pc (or vice versa), I wasted several hours re-formating and re-updating my ipod last night. Man oh man, my beautiful little ipod didn't know what to do with itself! It kept rejecting everything, or in the middle of updating all my songs it would quit (or in the middle of sycn'n my contacts/calendar). I think she feels abused or something. But all is good once again, she is fully updated with songs, playlists, contacts, notes and calendar. =) Ahhhh yes, success. So yeah, it's Friday!!! Hope you all have a most beauteous day & weekend! =) *mwah*

Realizations are a bitch...

Sometimes they gotta hit you in the face (or you gotta run into it full force) to even notice what's going on. I should listen to myself more. Don't get me wrong, I listen for the most part...but when it comes to carefully guarded parts--I never listen. I always think, oh eventually things will start poppin--nope wrong!! Should have went with my instincts. Sometimes I get so mad at myself!! I lecture myself sometimes, I should do that more (maybe then it'll sink in). As one of my friends told me "if you never make the journey you can't appreciate the destination." My response was, why do I always have to make my journey so daymn complicated?? Eh, time...stupid time, I know I know--I hear you. Eventually. In other news, I got a 90 on my quiz. Hell yeah! I'm focusing on school more (this time around), and since I know i'm capable of doing good...yes, I will continue this pattern in hopes of obtaining the 4.0 I so desperately need. I know I have options when it comes to what institute of higher learning I will eventually attend (with everything really). And although I dream of freezing winters and a different atmosphere all together, I will still keep in mind my sun shiny bay area home. So we shall see. I'm open to whatever life will throw my way (not that I wasn't--I was just limiting myself). So yeah, door is wide open. We'll see what happens now won't we? Just don't get in my way. ;)

It's all the questions...

That's actually part of a line from one of my favorite movies...Love Jones. If you haven't ever watched that, you should, I highly recommend it. Lately all of the lines have been going though my mind, I was going to go through my archives and re-post some of the lines, but I've done that enough. I'm sure if you wanted to, you can do the search on your own. =) Why do I like that line? It makes the most sense, why do we do anything? If we didn't question anything then we're just settling for whatever life gives us, and i'm not about to do that. What motivates you? What makes you want to do anything? What makes me want to go to school so badly? Why do I want to move cross country? I've been thinking about that a lot lately. People say you're motivated by certain people, or things...for me it's the latter. I've always wanted to have another degree, I think it's cool. And well, I want to do some good in this world, and I feel that i'll have a better chance if I go some place that i've always wanted to live...it's not the easiest path to take (seeing that i've lived most of my adult life out on the west side). I could just as easily go back to the bay, move back home, commute to S.F. or go to Berkeley (but I'd get an apt if I were to go there). It just seems to easy for me. I need a challenge. Why is it with me I have to try to do the toughest rode possible? Not impossible mind you, just the hardest rode, or the hardest path I could think of. I never try to do the easy route (well maybe in undergrad I did), now that I've had a taste of doing the nearly impossible...I want to do more. It's as if i'm never satisfied. I see my friends, and see what each and every one of them are going through...sometimes I want that. Sometimes I just want to go home. But I won't, not unless something happens that would make me change my mind entirely...but that better be a daymn good reason. I've been questioning everything lately. I even wonder why some people do some things. Motivations. Some things I just can't understand, even though I try to see things at different angles, I just don't get it. I've been going in different directions all at once. Impossible? I think not. My head hasn't been spinning out of control, my mind has been going at different speeds in different directions. Question after question, trying to reason myself into or out of things. I sound crazy, yes? Sometimes i'm sure of myself, other times I get so scared. A lot of the time I want to go home, sit in my old room and just veg...but I know I can't, I have to just try...see what else is out there. I think i've exhausted all the possibilities out here in LA. It's all getting to me. The only thing saving me from my personal hell is school (and Shannon)...down here that is. I have a million and one reasons to go home (then again, maybe I won't be so skinny since they're always feeding me). I'll admit it, I have entertained the thought...it's just too easy (maybe one day--who knows). I don't know, too much going on in my head. Of course I have doubts, everyone does. It's scary, the whole possibility of going to Grad School. Moving. Everything, and nothing all at the same time. I feel like i'm moving, but i'm standing still. One foot in front of the other, trying not to fall down. I wonder if anyone would catch me if I fall.

Happy Birthday Blog!!

It's been two years! You all have seen me through my ups and downs, all the good times, and even some of my worst moments. Through template changes, color changes, and additions. All my rants and raves about my things goings on, or my random thoughts, or movie lines or lyrics. Ahh, so much i've gone though this past year--I can't even believe it. So thanks for coming along for the ride, who knows what's next. So yay, happy birthday my little blog! *mwah*

It's been three years...

These were taken on my last visit to Jersey/NYC. They re-opened the Path's WTC station a few months earlier, so Phil took us there before we headed back to Jersey that night. It was kind of overwhelming, we were all silent as I wandered the station taking pictures of everything. You can just feel the energy, it was depressing/dismal/morose...you just felt it in the air. It was freezing, but as we walked the station it seemed to get colder with each step. So today, let's all remember 9/11, and remember what sparked the fire...

My Hero Is You

-Hayden Panettiere You know I try to be, All that I can. But there's a part of me, I still don't understand. Why do I always want, What I don't have. When in reality, It's really not that bad. Your faith has shown me that. When my world goes crazy, You won't let go. When the ground gets shaky, You kept me hope. When I try to push you away, You never move. Now when I start doubtin', You help me see. You believe there ain't nothing I can't do. my hero is you. yeah My hero is you. ---------------- I've been searching for the lyrics to this song for months (okay, maybe one month), and i've been trying to get a copy of this song too. Something about it just struck me really hard. I know, I know...it's a Disney song (teeny bopper at that), I don't care--I know what I like, and when i'm determined...I get what I want. I wanted the daymn lyrics and I FINALLY got them. Yeah, whatever (I know i'm mental), I don't care what you think of me right now--i'm happy. Lyrics just speak to me. Some people are too busy doing their daily that they don't hear the words (or notice things that are around them). I'll stop and listen, especially when I become intrigued by one line (or two). Either that or i'm just a good listener, I can hear things when people don't think I can (blame that one on my mom). So when I become "intrigued" i'll do what I can to either get what I want, or learn more about it. Either way it'll come to me (eventually), or just happen--its just a matter of time...

Crazy days, and restless nights.

So my schedule has been topsy turvey these past few weeks. Being up early for work then going to class at night, or my one work out day, or my dinners w/ shan, or study nights...it's been a lot to take. I'm trying to make some extra time for me so I can go to the gym, or hang with friends...lately it's been the later (but well worth it =) [I love you guys!]). Lately, if I don't have to study (or I can rationalize myself out of studying) I tend to veg out in front of the computer (chatting, msg board, blogs/lj's, or updating my own). Sometimes I stay up TOO late (daymn photo page)!! I tend to stay up late every night, if it's not on the computer--i'm studying. I know that's what i'm supposed to be doing, but i'm not making my 12:00 cutoff. Most of the time I hit the hay at 2:00 or close to, which results in me waking up grumpy every day for work (hit the snooze--sleep for 10 more minutes). I have a tendency to perfect everything i'm working on till it's completed (or where I want it for now), then move on to something else. I can't just let something sit knowing that something is wrong with it, i must make it EXACTLY as I want it (otherwise i'll pull out my hair--or wake up in the middle of the morning and fix it). urrgghhh, I know...my "perfectionism" will be my demise, at least my attempt to. Must find some balance. Need more sleep. How the hell did I do this in college?

Girls Weekend aka Lani's Birthday Weekend

So I spent my long holiday w/ these two ladies... It started off Friday night, well early Saturday morning (like around 4am)...and we took it from there. I pretty much took shots of everything we did [with the exception of Yard House & Crazy Horse--we were Dancing Queens Lan & I--Val was our Princess], so if you wanna check those out click here!! So as you can see, we celebrated Lan's 30th birthday all weekend long. Well, early that is...since I won't be around to celebrate on her actual birthday (and she won't be able to anyway). We walked around Venice Beach, drank at the Yard House, danced our asses off at Crazy Horse (poor boys were too scared to come up, *snap* we still got it--and those girls must have been crazy if they thought they were gonna push us out of our spot), we witnessed a fight after dancing the alcohol away, ate at Roscoe's, drank it up at TJ's, dinner w/ Ron at Peohe's, lunch at Alberto's & almost got into a car accident on our way back to my place this afternoon. A fun filled three-day weekend as you can see. So yeah, spread all that out over 2.5 days and you got our weekend. I have leftovers for the entire week! Thanks everyone! Oh and the accident...I HATE LA drivers. Especially the punks that don't bother looking before changing lanes, I almost hit the wall...good thing for those fast reflexes of mine. I'm just glad that everyone behind us slowed down so I could pull over and re-start the car. Yes, I had to slam on the brakes so hard that they locked, and I was fishtailing all over the place. But we're all okay, and live to tell the tale. Just don't get a Nissan Sentra rental, that thing sucked big beans...locking breaks--that wasn't safe. Anyway, i'm pretty tired...and I got my first quiz tomorrow night. So off I am to eat, then study my butt off. Hope you all had a good weekend! **edit: Check what I can do with my camera - *click* *click*