Sunday, October 31, 2004

Your Daily Tarot Reading

Love: The Star Touchstone: The Sun Career: The Hanged Man What a lovely day for you, dear Eileen Joy: You have drawn two celestial bodies, the Sun and the Star. With these two illuminating your romantic life, there will be no lack of tenderness, sincerity and personal happiness. You love, and you're loved in return, and that's wonderful. There is not a cloud in your sky. Make the best of these privileged moments. They make good souvenirs for times when you're feeling a bit under the weather. At work, you're not exactly on fire, although the situation around you in the professional sphere is extremely positive. The Hanged Man stops you from feeling and taking advantage of all the positive energy radiating from the Sun. Why not risk letting yourself go a little today? Those around you will back you up! Come on, be bold, you won't regret it! ---------------- Okay, now all I have to do is a wigi board. Anyone down?

Saturday, October 30, 2004

"Magic isn't just spells and potions.

Your badge, it's just a star. Your talisman. You can't stop criminals in their tracks, can it? It has power because you believe it does. Wish you could believe in me." -Practical Magic Happy halloween everyone! =)

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Words that yell at you...

We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee. Service is the rent we pay to be living. It is the very purpose of life and not something you do in your spare time. -Marian Wright Edelman Anna you rock!! Thank you for remembering her, and the link. =) I also bought a quote book today (not Bartlet's), I like this one too... Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. -William Jennings Bryan ohhhh, this one too!! Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do. -Johann von Goethe I'm glad I got this book, I guess i'm gonna start working on the statements early. It's going to be perfection! Or as close as I can get it!

Need a little help pls...

So guys. I need your help with some fantobulous quotes for my personal statement. I used the one with the little boy throwing the starfish back into the sea in my last one to Rutgers, and I need something new for my new ones (for Rutgers, Columbia & NYU). Anyone have anything thoughts or ideas? Any movies I should watch to snag a quote off? Please let me know on here, or email me...I would say IM but I can't do that at work anymore, so that's pointless to say here. So yeah, anything would help. THANKS!! *MWAH*

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Random quotes...

-There seems to be a kind of order in the universe, in the movement of the stars and the turning of the earth and the changing of the seasons, and even in the cycle of human life. But human life itself is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own rights and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own. -Love is purely a creation of the human imagination, the most important example of how the human imagination continually outruns the creature it inhabits. -Our being is subject to all the chances of life. There are so many things we are capable of, that we could be or do. The potentialities are so great that we never, any of us, are more than one-fourth fulfilled. -You can't write about people out of textbooks, and you can't use jargon. You have to speak clearly and simply and purely in a language that a six-year-old child can understand; and yet have the meanings and the overtones of language, and the implications, that appeal to the highest intelligence. -Katherine Ann Porter

Little achievements make me happy...

So today is my one month anniversary from quitting smoking. =) Of course, I quit so I can run the Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure without having to stop many times (for air, or water). I can now run a full 3.1 miles without stopping. *pats back* Also, *drum roll* in my Policing Society class, on my last quiz...I only missed ONE question. =) I was determined to do good, my quiz prior I missed more than I wanted to (a high B--but still). I'd like to think it was because of "performance anxiety", that was the night we had our Group Presentation...which we got 50/50 thank you very much. I just hate speaking in front of large groups of people. So I brought my grade back up to the level that I would like to be, the highest possible that I can. Yeah, you can say it...i'm a nerd. I have accepted my nerdiness, so I don't care what ya'll think about that. So today i'm taking myself out to lunch & getting myself whatever I want. =) Oh and don't forget to CLICK! It counts double this month!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Last week to help...

Dear Eileen Joy, This is the last week to help The Breast Cancer Site fund 500 mammograms during October, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month... Together, supporters of the site have already funded approximately 400 mammograms -- your help is needed to fund 100 more mammograms for uninsured women before the Pink Ribbon Challenge ends Sunday night! Make your free click now. Want to boost your support in the fight against breast cancer? Shop the Pink Ribbon Packs & Bags Sale. Learn more about this hot deal below, plus, get the scoop on how you can search our entire store through our new search box feature included at the bottom of every Gear That Gives email. It's so easy! Gear Up with Pink Ribbon Packs & Bags -- On Sale! In honor of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we've put all our Pink Ribbon Packs and Bags on sale. Now you can tote pink ribbon pride wherever you go... We've got a do-good bag for every occasion: purses, backpacks, totes, briefcase, CD case, traveler's pouch, messenger bag and more! Each one features the pink ribbon of breast cancer awareness, and your purchase will help fund a free mammogram for a woman in need. New! Search our Entire Store with the Click of a Mouse Don't see exactly what you're looking for? Try our new search box at the bottom of every email! Now it's even easier to shop our do-good store for beautiful jewelry, cozy scarves, unique handcrafted items, and home d�cor. It's one-stop shopping for everyone on your list -- including you! Give it a try below. Simply type in a keyword or the name of the item you're looking for and click "Search." Thanks for clicking and shopping where it matters. And Happy Halloween to those of you celebrating this Sunday! Sincerely, Gear That Gives -------- I already got this, the only pink I will wear on a daily; and this, which will give me hope...since I have little. I have helped fund for 2% of a mamogram & with my daily clicks, i'm sure i've helped someone in need. =) Have you helped? Please click. Every click helps...

Saturday, October 23, 2004

The walls are thick that surround me...

why did I let them get through the cracks? I need better cement, or the glue that I was using to mend everything needs to be a hell of a lot stronger. I've been debating on where i'll be applying to for the fall. I've finally decided. Straight up East Coast, Rutgers is most def on top, Columbia then of course NYU. ONLY East Coast. I was thinking i'll apply to schools at home, but you know what...home will always be home. People who are at home, they'll still be there. If things didn't work before, what the hell makes me think it'll work now? Besides, that's not enough to change my dreams (key word my dreams, my life). Especially when I end up doing more. I always end up expending more energy than I should be. They don't do a daymn thing, but I always end up changing or expending more than I should...I hate it when that happens. So this place has been on my mind lately... thanks dale for the pic. =) I can't wait till Babygirl and I get there. Soon, soon, soon. I just gotta get through this midterm, and the classes, volunteering, applications, personal statments(s) (yes, plural...gotta re-write one for Rutgers, and a brand new one for Columbia & NYU), letters of rec from my prof's & peoples... So much to do, so little time. But in the end, I think i'll finally be happy... "I dare you to move I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor i dare you to run i dare you to run Like today never happened Today never happened before"

Friday, October 22, 2004

Crazed thoughts have taken over...

my mind is on hiatus. I'm going to be bombarded with facts about social work (as if I haven't had enough). Other thoughts are going though my mind. Past thoughts. Reminding me of what had been. What went on. How it became. Do I want to do it again? I hate feeling like 2nd string. Been there before, it took me down. down... down.. down. That's the worst feeling ever. Would never wish it on my worst enemy. Tore me apart, over and over again. I can't even put it in words... to make them understand.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Hide and go seek.

So i've been playing this game (well not really), it's more like i'm here...they're not--now i'm not, and SURPRISE there they are! It's like WHOA. Yeah, well maybe it's not really like that...just seems that way. It's like you put so much time into something and get nowhere, then when you decide you've had enough and take a few steps back, lookie lookie they'rrrreee baaaaacccck. Weird how that always happens with me. So yeah, I ain't doin sh*t no more. Tired, and got too much sh*t to do. Plus i'm recovering from being sick...bastards. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

Monday, October 18, 2004


a: 80 bucks for partial highlights. a: ok i usu get a half head me: oh man. me: that's how much for all highlights w/ my hairdresser. a: i might as well just go there during lunch to make sure half head = partial me: partial is 50 a: dang me: that's expensive! a: when ur place says partial do they mean 1/2 head? me: yeah me: just not full blown highlights. me: half, enough to accentuate your head. me: hahaha a: hehe a: 1/2 is usually good for me me: good! me: it's gonna take longer than a lunch hour. a: oh yea i know that me: hair cuts take longer than lunch hour. a: id jus wanna meet the ppl in person i guess before goin me: anything hair related is long. me: ahh cool a: tru a: unless ur a guy a: dammit a: haha me: i know! me: a straight guy. a: hahaaAHAHAH me: it's true!

Sunday, October 17, 2004

I (Throughout Time)...

Stolen from Mel, and it took me a while to figure out how I was going to answer this... 15 Years Ago (1989), I: 1. was a freshman in high school. 2. joined the "Flag Team" & Varsity Golf. 3. went for vacation to Cali (after 5 years of living in Guam and 2 in Hawaii). 4. started learning how to drive stick from my brother. 5. had my first real crush. 10 Years ago (1994), I: 1. was in my 2nd year at San Jose State. 2. was working at DeJaiz. 3. was an assistant director for JAC. 4. changed from nursing to pscyhology major. 5. went out a lot and became the "rebel" of the family...IRC soon followed. 5 Years ago (1999), I: 1. took my "offical" last "undergrad" class in the fall, so instead of '98 my diploma says '99. 2. have been living in southern cali for a year. 3. got my first 9-5 job. 4. got my first tatoo. 5. created my first "web site" (which I recently took down). 2 Years ago (2002), I: 1. started at TSMP. 2. got my first snowboard (either this year or the year before, i'm not sure) 3. went through relationships... 4. started blogging (thanks Mike!) 5. moved into my kick ass 2 story apartment. 1 Year ago (2003), I: 1. went to the East Coast for the first time & found my new home (hopefully in the fall). 2. got my last tatoo (I think). 3. got my dope as celly w/ the keyboard...she rocks. 4. got my dope ass coach bag (swear this season SUCKS ass). 5. re-connected with old friends. 6 Months ago (April 2004), I: 1. got my ipod from momma. 2. applied to the MSW program at Rutgers. 3. wrote my first personal statement. 4. started throwing old things away, and started going through my closet. 5. boarded Mammoth!! black diamond's baby! (well really in february but i wanted to say that). Yesterday (Oct 16, 2004), I: 1. woke up late and started too late. 2. studied for almost 12 hours straight for my social work class. 2. ate pizza and cinnamon sticks. 3. drank soda. 5. watched friends at 7. Today (Oct 17, 2004), I: 1. continued studying. 2. watched spiderman for 15 minutes. 3. volunteered at the shelter. 4. surfed the net and did this because it was super slow volunteering. 5. will go grocery shopping since I don't have much to eat at home. Tomorrow (Oct 18, 2004), I: 1. work. 2. school. 3. eat. 4. study. 5. sleep.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Sending my love...

with a dozen roses. heh. They probably won't even read this before they ride, but I wanna send out my good luck wishes and huggies and kisses to my boys Keesey, and Merkos. They're in Austin, Texas for the Lance Armstrong, Ride for the Roses. It's a Century...100 friken miles. I'm beyond proud of them, it's just amazing how they're sticking to it no matter what. So guys, after my massive study session i'm doing the rosary just for ya'll. *SLAP* *MWAH* *HUG* Go out there and ride 'em HARD!! Be like Nike. ;) ;) See ya when ya'll get back (and I go home). *MWAH*

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Ten on Tuesday

Ima be like Mike and do Yano's 10 on Tuesday... Ten Favorite Quotes from the Movies Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention? Love Jones: Never make the same mistake twice. . . 'cause that shit's played out like a 8 track. When that jones come down Come down like a muthafucka. Love is what you make and who you make it with. Love, Passion, It is, what it is. Mighty Ducks 3: What's the one thing all great teams have in common? . . . defense. See, unlike scoring defense never quits. But to play great defense you need one thing above all else. . . confidence. Listen, if you learn nothing else while you're here you learn this. . . alright? This is not just about hockey. It's easy to be confident when you have control of the puck, it's very very difficult to keep that confidence when you gotta take whatever strange bounces life throws your way. . . don't be careless--but don't be too careful either!! You cannot be afraid to lose!! That's how you gain the confidence to ATTACK the game when the puck isn't yours. That's how you attack life. Even when you think you don't have any control. . . and thats how you play real defense. Jerry McGuire: You had me at hello... You bet on i bet on you. Some Kind of Wonderful: ...remember how i said i'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons, then alone for the right ones? I'd rather be right. Shawshank Redemption: Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies. Fear can hold you prisoner, hope can set you free. Serendipity: You have to have faith. . . in destiny. 10 Things I Hate About You: I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. The Breakfast Club: Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club. The Outsiders: Nature's first green is gold / her hardest hue to hold / her early leaves a flower / but only so an hour / then leaf sudsides to leaf / so Eden sank to grief / so dawn goes down to day / nothing gold can stay.

If I was your woman...

And you were my man You'd have no other woman You'd be weak as a lamb If you had the strength To walk out my door My love would overrule my sins And I'd call you back for more If I was your woman (x2) And you were my man, yeah She tears you down darling Says you're nothing at all But I'll pick you up darling When she lets you fall Cause, You're like a diamond But she treats you like glass Yet you begged her to love you For me you won't ask .... Life is so crazy And love is unkind Because she was first darling Will she hang on your mind? You're part of me But you don't even know it I'm what you need But I'm too afraid to show it .... If I was your woman... -alicia keys

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Every day that passes,

brings me closer to my goal... This has been going though my head all day long, all the live long day. How sad right? What get's me though the day is where I want to be. I stare at the wallpaper on my celly (NY skyline taken from Jersey), it makes me happy to see the Empire State building (and all those other tall ones). That's where I want to be, but for some reason i'm still here. I'm working to getting to where I want, i'm still here for a reason. I think I know why, but I want to make sure it's the right thing to go for. I'm scared, but at the same time i'm not. I know what my path is, I know where I want to be, everyone knows where I want to be...I haven't hidden my intentions. I keep going in circles, trying to find some answers, to get some "clarity". Circles. Complete circles. Every day. One way. Then the other. Sometimes I stop...look around, and go back around again. I'm so tired. I also want this. I'm going to wear it all month long, it'll be a reminder of hope. Hope, sometimes I have so little. I think i'm just tired, when everything starts settling down...maybe i'll have my "balance" back. I always feel like i'm walking on a tight rope, does that sound bad? I want so much, it's hard to try to do it all. I think that's my problem. Never satisfied. No one wants that job either. Eh, whole other story, another day. And a whole other topic entirely...

Monday, October 11, 2004

Good-bye Superman...

Christopher Reeve September 25, 1952 - October 10, 2004 We used to watch you fly around and save the world, one of the first movies i've ever watched with my family. You stayed strong even after your accident, we wished you would have stayed with us long enough to walk again... You were a wonderful man, with a beautiful spirit. Strong, even when most would fall. Rest in peace Mr. Reeve, you will always be remembered...and to me, you'll always be my favorite Superman.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Capricorn Daily Horoscope

You're feeling an extremely strong pull to make some changes -- some very deep, very emotional changes. Don't fight it. Even if you have to let something go, remember -- nothing new can arrive if there's no room for it. ---- This has actually been on my mind, weird that everything that's been going on has been going in this direction. Let it go. Keep on movin, keep on goin'. Keep yo' head up, you'll get there. I hear all of this from everyone, even myself. So i'm sorry if I haven't been around, and i'm sorry that i'm not trying to keep things goin'. If you haven't been there for me, why should I put some extra effort to keep things afloat? Friendship, like anything is a two-way street, you can't expect one person to constantly keep things going--that's just not how it works. Busyness does not equal ignore my existence, I am not a figment of your imagination. Heh, as the Beastie Boys say...let it go, let yourself go, slow and low...that is the tempo...

Friday, October 08, 2004

A little push is all you need.

Some people live for the fortune Some people live just for the fame Some people live for the power, yeah Some people live just to play the game Some people think that the physical things Define what's within And I've been there before But that life's a bore So full of the superficial Some people want it all But I don't want nothing at all If it ain't you baby If I ain't got you baby Some people want diamond rings Some just want everything But everything means nothing If I ain't got you, Yeah ------------------------- I haven't really been slacking off with the studying, but I haven't been doing it full force as I should be (especially with my Social Work class)...but after today, i'm going full steam ahead. I need to get out of this place, this office to be exact. I hate it here, it depresses me, and it ruins my happy friday mood. I know i've been thinking of applying to a school at home, and two out east...but when push comes to shove, I think i'm going to end up out east. It's too appealing, it's been calling my name since the first time I visited. It's different, and it's not in Cali. It's not that I don't like home, it's just that I need a change (or I will lose my mind). I know some people don't understand why I feel this need (that's okay--it's my life remember), but I need something different, something that gives me a purpose, makes me happy. I hate being mad all the time. I'm not going towards something (well, I am), it's not what everyone thinks. I need a different lifestyle, I need a change. This is all for me, and I know some of my people won't understand (and maybe even resent me for it), but at this point...I don't care. If things start poppin' before I leave, well, i'll cross that bridge when I get to it. But this place, LA, my job. It sickens me. Depressed mofo's who have no life, gotta be mean to their support staff. It's not right. I moved out here to be on my own, and I've done just that. Figured out a few things. Now i'm ready to move on. Yeah, i'll be poor for a couple of years after I get into a program...but that won't be a big deal (I think). I just need to get out of here, before they take over my mind and bring me over to their world. Sometimes I wish it was back in the day, and I can just pick up and leave...

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Welcome Ava Marin Cruz Lardizabal!!

I just wanted to congratulate Manong Merrick & Jen on the birth of their babygirl!! and here's the proud parents... I am so happy for you two, I know ya'll have been wanting this for a long time. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

It's all about the questions...

Sometimes I wonder how things have become the way they are. Or why I dream they way that I do. Or why do I still have insomnia (even though I try really hard to sleep early enough). My mind is full of all these questions, and i'm not exactly sure how I should answer them. Constantly bombarded by one thing or the other (sometimes all at the same time), it's getting annoying. I'm happy for the most part, then I get in these moods that make me cry over nothing. Not just tear, but cry, cry like someone has taken my heart and smashed it into pieces...but nothing has happened to make me do such a thing. It's so weird. Sometimes I wake up from dreams, crying...not the slow flowing tears, the fast, hard, can't breathe kind of tears. It happens whenever it feels like it. Sometimes when i'm driving, or at work. Thoughts enter my mind, and it upsets me so much...then the tears start to flow. I can't explain it, but i'd really like to. So much is happening all at once (maybe that's it), I don't know anymore. I feel like i'm being pulled in all sorts of directions--but i'm standing still. I want to do something--but can't, i'm in a tug of war (with myself). I'm always trying to plan things, that never come through. One day i'm told, patience hasn't always been my strong point. So yeah, the older I get the more emotional (and weaker--I think) I become. How sad right? I always thought of myself as a rock, one of the strongest people I met. No, that's not vain of me, or having a big head. It's just out of all my friends, we're all up there on strength (physical and mental). Maybe that's why I don't have much girlfriends (that's more loyalty & love than anything), but my boys...well, that's a whole other story. These tears though, it's getting annoying. I can't explain it, and no one really knows what to say to me when it happens. I started saying it's my allergies, you know...fall and all. They need to invent some sort of pill that I can take, maybe then i'll be okay. It's not that i'm not okay, my emotions are all over the place...I need something to help me stabilize, to create some sort of equilibrium. Eqifinality, I must find that (for this)...

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Strange Dreams...

Now i'm not going to bore you with the details, but last night (or rather--early this morning) I had the strangest dream. I looked up the different "situations" or "elements" within the dream, and this is what I found... Fighting Fighting is a no nonsense dream of change, and the dream itself will have to point to the area of your life that will be changed. The degree of change can be determined by how hard you fought, and if you won or lost the fight. ----- That was the main theme of the dream. After I kicked ass, for some reason I ran out of the building and was being chased--to be eventually stopped (then I woke up). I can't find anything regarding that, but I have a good idea. It just seemed so real...

Monday, October 04, 2004

It's yo' birthday, get busy..

Or as you said, get sleepy. hehehehe, I just wanted to say... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANONG MERRICK!!! So this was way back when... And this was about a year ago or so, at your wedding. So you have a most beauteous day, get some rest, do what you wanna do cause... IT'S YO' BIRTHDAY! =)

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Random Thought

"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts --uncritically-- to those who hardly think about us in return." -T.H. White

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

So October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please click on the link on the right, that will fund free mammograms for women in need (you can also have an email reminder sent to you every day--so every day you're helping someone out there in need). If you like yogurt, please purchase the yoplait yogurt with the pink lids and send those lids in, "save lids, save lives." There are a bunch of stuff out there that you'd normally buy, but if you buy it in October it'll go towards Breast Cancer Research. Here are a few links: Heart To Tarte Collection from Sephora Glisten-Listen Gift Set Breast Cancer Awareness Pop-Up Travel Brush You can also buy these items at the store, and will go towards Breast Cancer Research. I'm doing the Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure on February 27, 2005. I can't register yet, but when I can, you bet i'm going to be bugging everyone to sponsor me. =) I'm doing this in honor of my Aunt who passed away from Breast Cancer earlier this year. So anything that I can do to support the cause I will do. I also recruited a few friends and family members to run with me, if you want to run with me--please let me know. If I was ready, i'd do the City of Hope - Walk for Hope. But I just started training ("officially") a few weeks ago--it's going good, but I still got a ways to go. If anyone wants to train with me in so cal, please let me know (I got someone to train with at home). So please, this month, if you see anything with a pink lid (or it says proceeds goes towards Breast Cancer Research), please buy that instead of something that's not. I urge you to do what you can to help support this cause. I know a lot of women are lost because of this dreaded disease, so do what you can to help them out.