It's all about the questions...

Sometimes I wonder how things have become the way they are. Or why I dream they way that I do. Or why do I still have insomnia (even though I try really hard to sleep early enough). My mind is full of all these questions, and i'm not exactly sure how I should answer them. Constantly bombarded by one thing or the other (sometimes all at the same time), it's getting annoying. I'm happy for the most part, then I get in these moods that make me cry over nothing. Not just tear, but cry, cry like someone has taken my heart and smashed it into pieces...but nothing has happened to make me do such a thing. It's so weird. Sometimes I wake up from dreams, crying...not the slow flowing tears, the fast, hard, can't breathe kind of tears. It happens whenever it feels like it. Sometimes when i'm driving, or at work. Thoughts enter my mind, and it upsets me so much...then the tears start to flow. I can't explain it, but i'd really like to. So much is happening all at once (maybe that's it), I don't know anymore. I feel like i'm being pulled in all sorts of directions--but i'm standing still. I want to do something--but can't, i'm in a tug of war (with myself). I'm always trying to plan things, that never come through. One day i'm told, patience hasn't always been my strong point. So yeah, the older I get the more emotional (and weaker--I think) I become. How sad right? I always thought of myself as a rock, one of the strongest people I met. No, that's not vain of me, or having a big head. It's just out of all my friends, we're all up there on strength (physical and mental). Maybe that's why I don't have much girlfriends (that's more loyalty & love than anything), but my boys...well, that's a whole other story. These tears though, it's getting annoying. I can't explain it, and no one really knows what to say to me when it happens. I started saying it's my allergies, you know...fall and all. They need to invent some sort of pill that I can take, maybe then i'll be okay. It's not that i'm not okay, my emotions are all over the place...I need something to help me stabilize, to create some sort of equilibrium. Eqifinality, I must find that (for this)...