The plans in place...

Everything is set for when I want to begin studying again. I'm gonna give myself at least 3 months of a break. I'm glad to know everything is in place for when I want to start up again. 

So I'm focused on my race in August, after that I'll be back in study mode. By then I'll be deep in therapy. 

I feel good about this plan. I'm not going to let these challenges get me down. 

My new plan.

So I contacted Therapist Development Center. They suggested I take a 4 month break, then contact them 2 months before I'm scheduled to take it again. I'm also doing something else. I hired a therapist, and I'm doing CBT. Doing CBT on myself. 

I think this was supposed to happen, I have some automatic thoughts that need to go away. I think, even if it's an arduous process...and it sometimes eats at me inside, this has to happen. It's letting me get inside, & I haven't allowed this to happen. 

Like my friend told me the other day, everyone struggles in an area. This just happens to be my area. I will welcome this struggle with open arms. Learning process, with myself. Not just to pass, but to go deeper within myself. 

#perspective

Yet again, I didn't pass

This time, I missed passing again by 6. At least I'm consistent. I guess the lesson is that I haven't learned what I'm supposed to have learned. This was my 4th try, 3 I actually prepared for really. But again, I failed. 

I was super positive. I actually learned from this material. I'm stronger in Legal and Diagnosis. I missed more on the other sections. I could recite to you the entire ethics, but clearly, when read to me in a subjective question, I cannot answer you the way the BBS wants me to. 

That's really it. I'm not answering the way the BBS wants me too. 

I can do the job. I have good clinical skills. But I have yet to learn how the BBS wants me to think. 

It doesn't help when I have parental figures telling me to get licensed already. As if I don't want to, as if I want to be in limbo land of being unlicensed. It is my goal to take this test as much times as possible. Like I love seeing the word, FAIL when I finish a 4 hour exam. 

It hurts so much. I can't even put it into words. 

Do good, my brother said. 

No one gets it. Stop telling me I'll get it next time. I feel like such a failure. Fail. I always see fail. The one exam I care so much about. FAIL. 

I have no words. 

I guess I'll wait for my testing company to get back to me. I already sent them 3 emails. I need them to help me. They said they'll be w/ me till I pass. I hope so. I really hope so.