Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Random Thoughts...

This was stolen from Bumblebootie... "I really like people who wear their hearts on their sleeves because I hate having to feel around in the dark for zippers I have to unzip and buttons I have to undo and ribcages I have to smash through just to find what they mean and what they feel." Why do I like that? Because I like doing that (it's a nice concept), even though most of the time my heart can't decide on where she wants to be. Sometimes she wants to be out there--but other times she likes to be under lock and key...she's really moody most of the time. I think she's just scared to feel (probably cause she always get's torn up every time she does), either that or just numb to all that is around her. I know one of these days i'll figure it all out, but for now i'm kinda in limbo...and you know, limbo ain't that bad.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

The Ben & M.J. weekend...

So all this weekend I was hangin out with these two fellas... It started out Friday night, and ended today when we dropped off M.J. at the airport. I'm really glad that we all hung out, ate, chilled, drank, saw Hero, drank, chilled, watched the Olympics, drank. I haven't had that much alcohol in a long time, thanks guys! I'm glad I have the ability to finish a boones (I haven't done that in a long ass time). But yeah, it's funny how you don't realize who your friends are till years and years later...it's also great how some friendships grow (even with people who you've never really thought would). But yeah, i'm realizing how great some of my friends are (even if you don't hang out with them all the time--they're still there for you). It was just great not having to "act" a certain way cause this or that...it's like you can completely let your guard down and open up--cause you all understand where you're coming from. I just thought that was really cool. And here's some pic's from my weekend with the boys: *click* *click* So yeah, it was great. Ya'll had me laughing my ass off, and I realized some things about myself too...it was just great. So yeah, next time i'm in the bay M.J. (and you don't go home) we're gonna hang. Ben you come too. Lan will come, and we'll all be out drinked by her. haha I love my friends. I'm glad ya'll are still around (even when I go psycho on some of you), if I could I would give you all a hug right now. But since I can't, I guess ya'll will have to wait till I see you next (which will have to wait till the semesters over [for the east coasters--bay area heads...eh, Thanksgiving? Holidays?])...we'll see. Just know that no matter what, i'm here--ya'll know how to get a hold of me. =) *MWAH*

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Back to school & other things...

So the wait is finally over, I got the classes I wanted. whooo ha! One I got on a pure "technicality," the other I got 'cause people don't want to (or can't) do the extra work, or they just simply didn't show up. Either way I don't care, I got my classes! So far I'm pretty much booked for the semester, and when my professor okay's my volunteer site--I'm going to be over booked. I already made friends, and am in groups for the "group projects" that will eventually happen. Man oh man, so much to do...but to be quite honest, I like it. I feel right at home in my Intro to Social Work Class, but in my Policing Society Class...I feel so old. I know for a fact that I AM the oldest in that class. The other one, I think I'm part of the "average". Either way, at least I don't look like it...I tend to "blend" well. Ahh, nice to be pinay. Anyway, this break has turned into something bigger since I was having problems logging back in after updating to SP2 (bastards)...but after talking to one of my "techies," I'm back on via wireless baby! Thank you kindly Rob, you know your sh*t. Okay, gotta get back to the books. School is good, I feel old--yet this studying is more fun this time around (I'm sure that'll change when I get into Grad School)--I am after all just taking two classes (undergrad/upper div at that). So yeah, back to the books...gotta make my 12:00 cutoff!!

HealthWatch: Sugary Soda May Lead to Diabetes

Dr. Kim Mulvihill Many Americans love to drink soda. But a new study suggests that women who drink sugar-sweetened sodas are more likely to develop diabetes. Harvard researchers reviewed data from a national survey involving 50,000 young and middle-aged women. They looked at what beverages these women drank over the course of nine years, and whether they gained weight or developed diabetes. "Women who were drinking sugar-sweetened soft drinks every day, or more than once a day, had an 80% increase in risk of diabetes compared with women who hardly ever drank sugared sodas," said Dr. Meir Stampfer of the Harvard School for Public Health. Researchers say sugar-sweetened drinks are high in calories, but you most likely won't feel full after drinking them. That means you can drink a lot, and the sodas -- which contain high fructose corn syrup -- may actually encourage diabetes to develop. "The sugared soft drinks are very rapidly absorbed and they cause a sharp up-swing in blood sugar, which causes a sharp increase in insulin production, and then this causes the blood sugar to go down," said Stampfer. Researchers call the cycle a recipe for diabetes, a potentially devastating disease. "This is not rocket science. If you're taking in calories, especially calories in the form of sugared soft drinks that have no other nutrient value, it's not at all surprising that you'd see weight gain," Stampfer said. The researchers found that diet soda and real fruit juice did not cause an increased risk of diabetes. A soft drink trade group says the study's conclusions are not scientifically sound, and that an unhealthy lifestyle -- not soda -- leads to weight gain and diabetes. article ------------------------ Good thing I hardly drink soda, water & coffee are my friends. And yes, diabetes runs in my family...so anything I can do to stay away (besides my love for sugar in my coffee & ice tea) i'll do. I know, i'm working on those other things! *covers ears and runs away* Easier said than done (just like smoking, or my love for fatty foods).

Monday, August 23, 2004

I am what I am...

L: Hi Fresh Meat Me: hi bastard. L: =P Me: hehehe L: heheh L: put that in your blog Me: =P L: you are "FRESH MEAT"

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Strong Enough

I have a face I cannot show I make the rules up as I go So try and love me if you can Are you strong enough to be my man? -Sheryl Crow

Friday, August 20, 2004

Fun with the webcam...

First there's this: *click* Then these: Yes, i am a dork.

Patterson wins all-around gold

By Greg Boeck, USA TODAY ATHENS � Don't call her the next Mary Lou Retton anymore. Carly Patterson made a name for herself Thursday. She's the Golden Girl of gymnastics now Carly Patterson competes in the floor exercise, scoring the highest of this competition � 9.712. Right in front of Russian diva Svetlana Khorkina, the pony-tailed princess of the burgeoning U.S. women's gymnastics program turned into a queen at Olympic Indoor Hall. Inspired by fellow American Paul Hamm's magical comeback in winning gold Wednesday in the men's all-around, Patterson overcame a shaky eighth-place start after the vault to match Retton's 1984 Olympic gold in the women's all-around. "It's a new era," bellowed Bela Karoyli, the coach who turned Retton into the U.S.'s first all-around Olympic champion in 1984. " It's a new chapter in American gymnastics." Added Martha Karolyi, U.S. team coordinator: "This is Carly's coming out." The page officially turned with Patterson, 16, celebrating atop her coach's shoulders and Khorkina, 25 and competing in her third and final Olympics, waving to the crowd as she left the floor, beaten by .176 points. Patterson, from Allen, Texas, totaled 38.387 in the four events and Khorkina 38.211. China's Nan Zhang won bronze (38.049). Courtney Kupets of Gaithersburg, Md., finished ninth, obviously hampered by a muscle pull in her right leg. Khorkina, who beat Patterson out of the gold at last year's world championships in Anaheim, Calif., relinquished her throne reluctantly, if not defiantly. "I'm still Olympic champion," said Khorkina, the three-time world all-around champion who has won two Olympic golds in bars. Asked to explain, she added, "I'm saying I'm twice an Olympic champion. If somebody doesn't know, I was an Olympic champion in Atlanta and Sydney." But that was then, and this is now. Patterson, sitting next to her in the interview room, looked quizzically at the rival she beat, then turned away and smiled. This was her moment, her time, her stage and no one could take it away now. "I don't even know what to say right now I'm so happy," she said. "I've dreamed of this my whole life. It's amazing." So was she. Patterson came into the competition the top qualifier, but she displayed uncharacteristic cracks in her armor with sub-par showings in the vault and bars in the U.S.'s silver effort in the team finals two nights earlier. Then she opened the all-around with a crooked landing on the vault and a score of 9.375 that placed her eighth. Her coach, Evgeny Marchenko, took her aside. "I told her, 'It's OK,'" he said. "It's only the beginning. Don't worry about scores, keep working." The pressure was on, but Patterson rose to the top of the U.S. program with pressure performances. She embraced the challenge, and tore a page out of Hamm's golden comeback. "I know about Paul Hamm's story and his comeback," she said. "And I knew if I could hit the best routines I would have a chance." She moved into fourth with a 9.575 score on bars, then put Khorkina in her rearview mirror with a stunning 9.725 on the beam. That set the stage for the final event of the night, the floor exercise which is one of her strengths. She watched Khorkina score a 9.562 and prance off. Patterson had to wait through two more performers. That left her as the final competitor on the floor, a pressure-cooker position with the gold on the line. She needed 9.573 to win, and she nailed a nearly flawless 9.712. "She proved she's the one who can handle the pressure," said Marchenko. When the winning score flashed on the scoreboard overhead, she leaped into Marchenko's arms and cried. "There was a lot of emotion there," he said. "It's been a tough, long road." Patterson emerged from the pack of U.S. women gymnasts the last 18 months and drew comparisons to Retton from Martha Karolyi. She arrived at the Games with her leaping split on 70 million McDonald bags � and delivered the goods Thursday. "She loves the crowd," said Kupets. "She is so mentally tough," said Martha Karolyi. The clutch performance left her casting her own shadow in gymnastics. "This means a whole lot," she said. "I worked all my life to be an Olympic champion. All the work paid off." It paid off on the biggest stage in the world, against Khorkina, one of the most decorated gymnasts in history with five Olympic and 20 world medals won in her career. Marchenko soaked in the moment. "It's sweet revenge," he said. "We've been waiting all year to do this. I know Svetlana is a great gymnast. She made a statement in the world forever. But Carly said her words tonight." They rang loud and clear. And royally. USA Today - Article ----------------------------- She did it! I saw her on vault, uneven, balance beam, floor....but I passed out before I saw who got what. YES! This IS my favorite event at the Olympics, and I had to fall asleep. Anyway, congratulations Carly! Whoooo hoooooo! Nicely done! =)

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Accidents DO happen....

Yeah, especially when you're shaving blind. Man! This morning...blood everywhere in the shower, and it kept stinging and stinging. ARGH!! And i've been having problems typing all day... I guess it doesn't really matter since our network was down at work (again--didn't kick back in till 3 p.m. [thank god]). Besides, after lunch all I was doing was playing with my cam. ;) And since I can't really type, look what I did... That was taken the night before I left the bay, and started my life down in Southern California. ahhhhh, the memories...

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

i'm stronger than i look..

but when you hit that spot, i'll bleed...or break down (either one really). i used to think i was invincible, that no one could break down the walls that i created...i would cry for no one. but you know, the older i get...the more emotional i have become. sucks i tell you. my body has been breaking down too, i have sprained my ankle at least once for the past 2 or 3 years...and i got a charlie horse after running sometime last year. i found out this year that my cholesterol is getting a tiny bit high, and i'll eventually get diabetes since it runs in my family (and i love that sugar in my coffee). maybe in highschool i would cry after every boy that broke my "heart", then in college i started to define anything that had to do with the heart as a "concept". i think that has carried on to today. it's a very well guarded part of me, and good thing too...people like to try to rip it apart. maybe that's why i am the way i am now, especially with my friends. i try to protect them, i won't lie to them...i like being straight with them (now). if something is really bothering me now, i'll say it (i'll watch my verbage of course, but in the end i'll get my point across). but i'm very loyal to those that i consider friends, especially my best friends and good friends. nothing can come between that...nothing. that of course makes me sensitive to everything...so if somethings going on with them, i try to make sure they know i'm there for them (no matter what--distance means nothing to me!) and if i think somethings wrong between us, then i'll try to fix whatever it is (even if really there's nothing--it's my daymn imagination i tell you). so lately i think i've been on "ultra-sensitivity mode", i don't know why...it just started popping up lately. all my insecurities have started to surface, and i know i'm faulty (i'm working on it), my "paranoidness" has started setting in...i'm learning how to "let go" of things. sometimes i feel that it get's too much, i start to get "emotional" (no you bastards...it's not PMS). it's hard to explain, sometimes i just want to shut everyone out--other times i want to let everyone in. but no matter what, i have learned to speak my mind. sometimes i feel like i'm ganging up on someone, being too sensitive to things that i think are going on--but at the same time i feel like i'm pushing them away while doing that. maybe i do that on purpose (not a test or anything), it's just i have to make sure (otherwise it'll just eat at me to no end). it's weird really. but just know that i'm working on it. it's really hard when my imagination starts playing tricks on me, i have these vivid dreams with some people (to the point that i start questioning if these things happened--or not--or if they're "premonitions" [which really scares me]). hard to explain really. i start to distance myself, or bring myself closer, or stay in the middle. sometimes i feel like a yo-yo. sometimes i think i'm doing it to find a way out (even when i know i'm still in it). i guess i've had to much time on my hands (can't wait till school starts--half a week to go!) i don't know. it's usually just easier to let things go, completely. shut the door. walk away. but for some reason, i can't walk. something holds me to where i am. i'm on pause. but at the same time, i'm doing new things. trying to open up, but remembering the past (trying not to make those same mistakes). but while remembering everything, little things here and there start to re-surface and those insecurities start to pop up here and there. i know, i've been through a lot--everyone has. these past few years have been really trying on the soul. but, i am still standing...and i'm going for my goals (as most of you know i'm very goal oriented). i might not be all together here, and some of you might think i've completely lost my mind. yes, i do think the worst (and i'll come up with the worst possible senario)...it's just that it's been really bad, and every time i made a bet with myself on something bad--it comes true. well maybe i haven't won all the bets i made with myself, but a good number of them i have. those that i lost, i have learned to let go...those that i won, well...still working on it. that's when the yo-yo set's in, and it starts my never ending cycle. but seeing that i'm still around, still on my own, and my ankle's haven't been sprained lately...i think for the most part, i'm alright. i've learned to live with some things, other things i have sadly let go. but the things that i have now, i hold dear to. i will protect everything and everyone as much as i can. i might be silent, i might just watch. but when i speak, please listen. sometimes i don't even have to say a word--just hear me out. don't talk over me, don't push me out of your way, and don't push me. don't give me a label, i've already given myself one. i'm figuring things out for myself, and i'm trying to not break me in the process (nothing else has). so yeah, i am stronger than i look. i'm finally realizing that. my silver lining is starting to appear. i'm just taking it day by day. i still have hope, i hold that the dearest...above all else.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004


that was the best shot from the night (after all the testing we did with her during the night). we tried night mode, but regular mode w/ timer worked pretty daymn good right? so yeah, this was my first night to use my little pentax. she rocks man! wanna see more? *click* *click* so yeah, i'm pretty daymn full. roscoe's was not good for my cholesterol, but the company was so good...and i met YANO! i'm really glad you came out & had our "traditional" la "irc" din din. so it was a most lovely night for myself. good conversation, and tons of laughs. man, we might not be irc'n any more, but we're still meeting years later! ha! so thanks guys for comin out & thanks for testing my new cam out w/ me!

when your imagination takes over your mind...

and you can't separate it from reality (or don't want to)...then you're in trouble. do you ever think up situations and start believing them to be true (like your imagination would create images--weird ass images/made you cry images)? i was doing that for the past few months. thinking the worst situation possible, and then i started to believe them to be true. but the more i go on, i find that none of it was true. i just have a problem of thinking the worst possible situation, and sometimes (well at least they used to) come true. someone told me...if you think it, it will happen. so i'm going to try to think of positive thoughts. *sends good vibes out* i mean, to some point that is possible...but in my case it takes a lot of hard work and good vibes to make anything happen. but that is my theme isn't it? my destiny = making things happen (no matter what). it's just weird how i let all those different "images" take control of what was reality. then i went and told some people about these said "images" and they encouraged me to go the other way (not deal--fly far away), after all not like there was anything really "there" *shrug* (or maybe they just wanted me to open up another door). i don't know. it's just weird how some things panned out. maybe the next time "images" start poppin in i won't go to everyone else, and just the one the "images" are about. *shrug* sometimes i don't know about what people say to me (like they have an ulterior motive)...the ones that don't know me that well that is. then again sometimes the ones that do know me sometimes say the oddest things that throw me off even more. i don't know. i'm probably just babbling. or maybe when i have questions, i should just ask...or when i have problems (instead of questioning myself or asking for advice) i'll just go straight to the source (cut off the middle man) and deal. that seems to work, well at least lately. it's just sometimes my mind can play the weirdest tricks on me, and i'll just start believing them to be true...no matter how hard i try to fight it (it still does).

Monday, August 16, 2004

after you put everything in perspective...

you start having the time of your life. thanks to everyone who stuck by me (especially when i went all psycho/depressed/blah). *hug*

you make me feel so beautiful...

beautiful -faith hill (Spoken:) I love the way you stand in my way You won't move 'til you get a kiss And how you tell me that my name It tastes so sweet on your lips I love the way you hold me with your eyes Hold me so tight that I can't move It's like everything I've ever known is a lie And you're the simple truth Is it a dream or is it real? All I know is you make me feel so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful You make me feel so beautiful (Feel like I could fly) Beautiful (cross the clear blue sky) Beautiful (Baby I could cry) You make me feel so beautiful (Spoken:) I love how soft you touch my skin Like you're touching the wings of a butterfly I wish we could just lock ourselves away in a room Where there was no such thing as time I've never let anyone get this close I've always been afraid But you break down every wall and I feel so safe Every part of who I am Is so in love cause what I have is beautiful Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful You make me feel so beautiful (Feel like I could fly) Beautiful (cross the clear blue sky) Beautiful (Baby I could cry) You make me feel so beautiful Beautiful... You make me feel so beautiful (When you touch my face) Beautiful (When you say my name) Beautiful (Always find the way) You make me feel so Beautiful ----------------- a lot has to do with my imagination, but you know...things come and go in my mind. (even though these things that go on in my mind have never actually happened--its just one of many things i think about.) little things that happen make me smile, and i hold dear to those little things. i know things haven't been that great for me, but i'm trying to find the silver lining to everything...i think i found it (or am getting closer to it). but i do feel better...taking it day by day. school starts next week. i'm really looking forward to it. time's gonna pass with a quickness, and before you know it...i'll be re-applying to east coast schools (well just one re-apply--the others i'm still debating on). so far 2004 has had it's up's and downs...but i'm also getting closer to all my friends (both here and there), i'm really liking that part about this year. i wish i had more money, so i could do a trip out east...but i don't have any time till next year (so i'm better off saving money for when i go check out apts and all that). man. i just wanna get out of la, just tired of it...and i'm not ready to go home yet. a masters would be nice, then i could finally do something that i want to do...not just something that i kind of fell into. i'm liking the person in the mirror more and more. maybe i was just experiencing "cabin fever", or perhaps i was just tired of doing nothing (going absolutely no where). i'm glad i'm taking this next step. i'm finally doing things for me, not just for the money either...for me. i know, i'm babbling. i'm just glad i have everyone that's around me. i miss you all so very much, and i look forward to seeing everyone (hopefully very soon). school schedule's gonna screw me up--so patience please...just know that everyone is in my thoughts.... *mwah* & *HUG*

Sunday, August 15, 2004

babygirls back...

babygirls ass looks daymn good! the dude who hit me, did a good job. she's hot once again! whoooo ha! --------------- i've been playing with my new toy...pentax optio s4 *sigh* she is friken hot! so i must thank louie for telling me about his sis's cam. so thin! fits even in my smallest purse! she rocks! i'll be testing her out on tuesday when we all have dinner with yano. --------------- and i started a new workout schedule. hehehe daymn school is interrupting with my workout schedule, so i gotta work around it. i started this week (also they're re-doing the aerobics room floor so step is cancelled for 2 weeks), so i've been running my ass off and lifting again. i'm already feeling the burn. so yeah, i figure this will keep me busy. school/volunteer work, work, and gym. i am most definitely going to be busy. i gotta focus on getting a's so i can get into rutgers in the fall. ahhh, can't wait till it all begins. one more week!

Friday, August 13, 2004

stressed out?

yeah, i think so. stress, negativity, rear-ending...i think everythings been building up. after talking to some of my people this afternoon/night i realized how unnecessary it all is. i apologize for this. you didn't deserve it, no one does...i'm going to try to fix this. i'm gonna try to be how i used to be--before all the negativity started to surface. maybe my past has been resurfacing (not the people, just the issues), finding it's way back into my mind...thinking the worst possible situations--and having them come true. i know, not supposed to bring the past into the present. (i'm gonna have to keep telling that to myself--until it sticks!) my body has also been acting funky (cholesterol and all), pain in my thighs (gotta keep on running). it never used to hurt this much, i never had heart burn before--but i did this week! i gotta get back to my happy place. i was happiest when i was being the gym bunny that i was...gotta get back into the habit (and it's good for my health!) i'm gonna fix this. i'm gonna get back to normal. i'm just glad my people are still around. i guess they have as much faith in me, as i do in them. and ima keep this in mind--that a friend pointed out to me..."because if you spend too much time and effort worrying about those other things you're not even sure about, you'll totally miss out on enjoying what you already have." i think it's because of my past that i'm like this. i know you learn from your past, but sometimes the past kinda fucks you over and messes with your head--then you believe that, that that's how you are (when really it's the complete opposite). weird how you realize things. guess it's been haunting me. but no more. didn't break me back then, and it won't now. taking it day by day now. working on gettin' to my happy place. thank you for being there with me, cause you know my ass is there for you (all of you).

Thursday, August 12, 2004

babygirl got smacked on the ass AGAIN!!

so i was on hollywood & highland, fully stopped...light just turned green--we all go. a truck cuts in front of two cars in front of me, we stop...except for the guy behind me. baymn! i heard it, felt it a little...now my head hurts. pulled into the parking lot at BK, got the info (but i should have gotten more--i know). turns out he works at honda, so he's gonna fix her all up. i hate this. doctor apt tomorrow morning at 8:30. maybe she can give me something to make my headache to go away... this is the 3rd time i've gotten rear ended, first time was in the sentra (really bad), 2nd time i wasn't even in the car--i just watched as she was slammed into the wall (and a .5 for when the bitch rammed into me in the parking lot and stayed there), and now this. always on the ass. what the hell man? i just don't get it...

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

kobe bryant updates...

here's this fascinating link that i've been looking at over the past few weeks... abc news - kobe bryant - latest news i just wanted to share with ya'll...you can read the civil complaint on there! man, i hope he'll be able to play next season.... ----------- [side note] daymn, i'm writing a lot more now....

don't sweat the small stuff...

i think some of the things i'm going through is a test. who's test? i don't know, but i think the universe is sending out "tests" to see if i can handle the bigger things that will eventually be thrown in my path. do you think that's possible? that before you take that "giant leap", little things here and there are thrown in your path...and depending on your reaction--the next thing will be thrown your way (and so on and so on). do you think that God (or whomever/whatever you believe in) in his/their own way will test you before you go to wherever you're meant to be? or do? or become? because if that's the case, i think i'm doing just fine. little things (stupid, stupid litte things) keep being thrown in my path...and although they irritate the hell outta me--i'm learning to let go. i see the bigger picture, and the good outweigh the bad (so far)...so i think i'm good. it's all a learning process right? although, i do love the litte things, i'm not gonna sweat the small stuff...it's just not worth it. especially if in the end, i'm where i wanna be (doing exactly what i'm meant/want to do). it's all relative. besides, it's a new day. =)

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

happy birthday wishes...

happy birthday jayce!!! i so wanted to do this earlier (and wish you a happy day early on)...at least i texted right? hehe so yeah, hope ya'll had fun at hopkee. happy birthday!! =)

Monday, August 09, 2004

i'm tired...

have you ever wished you can be transported into a different place with just a snap of your fingers? or perhaps you wish that your closet opens up to narnia? i wish that all the time. i want to be transported somewhere, that's not here. maybe that's why i'm pushing so bad to go far far away, i know i'll be away from those that love me...but i'm just not ready to go home. sometimes i want to disappear...just for a little bit. or maybe for a long time, who knows! i'm just tired of how things are, how they've come to be. how i've let some things become the way they are. it's cumbersome at times. i know i shouldn't let things like this bother me (as some good friends have told me recently)--i actually promised to try not to let it all bog me down. i just get in a funk sometimes, and i don't know how to get myself out of it. i mean, i'll be in it, get out of it, then i'm back into it...it's a vicious cycle. i hate it. sometimes i just really want to pick up and go. go, far far away. maybe that's why i want to go off so badly. or maybe it's cause my dad has me trained, that i have to move every five years (well, until i find my place in the world that is). maybe i'm just searching for where i belong, and this place that i'm at is just a pitstop. maybe things happened the way that they did, so i know what to do (or not do) the next time around. lessons learned, yeah...i would say so. i'm just really really tired. i know things will pick up, they always do. i want to learn how to break vicious cycles. i want to learn what it is that makes me happy, brings me to a higher level. i want to feel a completeness. i know, one of these days right? i think i'm ready for my next step.

the voice within...

sometimes it's good to listen to what others have to say about certain subjects, but i have come to the realization (with some help ;) ) that when it comes right down to it...the decision is mine to make. no matter what anyone else says, or tries to influence me in any way...it's not their decision to make. i just wish some people would listen to me--as much as i listen to them. is that so hard to do? i mean, when it comes down to it....my decision is the one that matters right? especially if i'm the one going through it.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

for all you who use ipod for PC

if you're like me and would like to use your ipod to it's "full" capacity (or want to use all the options it comes with), use this. i have been searching the net for something like this, and i finally found it! now i'm using my "pod" like a "palm"...it's so cool. but i'm not using the "isync" with my "contacts", i saved all those individually as vCards and just copied them into my "pod's" folder. but the "sync" works wonders with the calendar, it's just outlook was being a little bitch getting everything exactly the way i wanted it.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

scheduling problems...

so i had to work out a work schedule to work with the classes i wanted to take at UCLA. well, that didn't happen. so when i finally came to grips with that, i looked into CSUN. i found 2 perfect classes that start late, and CSUN isn't too terribly far from work. so i emailed the dean of admissions at rutgers with the class synopsis of each class, so i could see if they were okay for me to take. and while waiting for her response i worked out my schedule with my boss, he took it to the partners and BAYMN...new work schedule for me. so i called the dean this morning to verify my classes, and she said they would be very good for me to take...and and and she said she wanted to take one of those classes to. so yeah. everything worked out. and...one of the classes may be transferable once i get into the program as an elective. i already emailed the prof's of the classes to get a syllabi of each, got one response...still waiting on the other. at least they know i'm interested in taking their classes (and why), i'm just hoping all the upper div students are all taking morning (or afternoon) classes-so the night classes will be open for us working people to take. ;) hope everyone's doing good. you're always always always in my thoughts. *mwah* *hug*

Wednesday, August 04, 2004


SYMBOL: WO DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs, but known to vary from 85 to 550 lbs. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: Surface often covered with painted film. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. Melts if given correct treatment. Bitter if incorrectly used. Found in various stages ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: Has a great affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no apparent reason. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol. The greatest money reducing agent known to man. COMMON USES: Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. Can be a great aid to relaxation. TESTS: Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen. HAZARDS: Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Illegal to possess more than one. Extremely volatile when disposing of, regardless of level of caution and care exercised. CONCLUSION: While this element is highly unpredictable in its behavior, there is no other known element in the universe to replace it. Despite the hazards listed above, it is highly sought after and irreplaceable. Without it, the element known as MAN would cease to exist in its present state. In fact, it would cease to exist altogether. got this one from mike. thanks man! it says it all in the conclusion...

Sunday, August 01, 2004

my findings...

so this is what i've been doing since i got my computer back (i promised one of my bests that i'd do this). so all weekend i've been staring at my screen, checking out other schools...but i think so far i'm still going to focus on rutgers (i am working with the dean of admissions to get in). right now, i'm taking a break...my eyes are hurting! although, i am diggin' excel more (i think i just like my new version--even though i've had it, i finally had an excuse to use it). so there you have it. i'm still going to look into these schools (since i got the time), oh and i'm still looking into those classes at UCLA (someone keeps adding into that class i want--they need to stop already!!). oh and just to let ya'll know, in the fall...i'm going to the #11 ranked grad school for social work. see, there IS a silver lining. =)