Friday, August 13, 2004

stressed out?

yeah, i think so. stress, negativity, rear-ending...i think everythings been building up. after talking to some of my people this afternoon/night i realized how unnecessary it all is. i apologize for this. you didn't deserve it, no one does...i'm going to try to fix this. i'm gonna try to be how i used to be--before all the negativity started to surface. maybe my past has been resurfacing (not the people, just the issues), finding it's way back into my mind...thinking the worst possible situations--and having them come true. i know, not supposed to bring the past into the present. (i'm gonna have to keep telling that to myself--until it sticks!) my body has also been acting funky (cholesterol and all), pain in my thighs (gotta keep on running). it never used to hurt this much, i never had heart burn before--but i did this week! i gotta get back to my happy place. i was happiest when i was being the gym bunny that i was...gotta get back into the habit (and it's good for my health!) i'm gonna fix this. i'm gonna get back to normal. i'm just glad my people are still around. i guess they have as much faith in me, as i do in them. and ima keep this in mind--that a friend pointed out to me..."because if you spend too much time and effort worrying about those other things you're not even sure about, you'll totally miss out on enjoying what you already have." i think it's because of my past that i'm like this. i know you learn from your past, but sometimes the past kinda fucks you over and messes with your head--then you believe that, that that's how you are (when really it's the complete opposite). weird how you realize things. guess it's been haunting me. but no more. didn't break me back then, and it won't now. taking it day by day now. working on gettin' to my happy place. thank you for being there with me, cause you know my ass is there for you (all of you).

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