i'm tired...

have you ever wished you can be transported into a different place with just a snap of your fingers? or perhaps you wish that your closet opens up to narnia? i wish that all the time. i want to be transported somewhere, that's not here. maybe that's why i'm pushing so bad to go far far away, i know i'll be away from those that love me...but i'm just not ready to go home. sometimes i want to disappear...just for a little bit. or maybe for a long time, who knows! i'm just tired of how things are, how they've come to be. how i've let some things become the way they are. it's cumbersome at times. i know i shouldn't let things like this bother me (as some good friends have told me recently)--i actually promised to try not to let it all bog me down. i just get in a funk sometimes, and i don't know how to get myself out of it. i mean, i'll be in it, get out of it, then i'm back into it...it's a vicious cycle. i hate it. sometimes i just really want to pick up and go. go, far far away. maybe that's why i want to go off so badly. or maybe it's cause my dad has me trained, that i have to move every five years (well, until i find my place in the world that is). maybe i'm just searching for where i belong, and this place that i'm at is just a pitstop. maybe things happened the way that they did, so i know what to do (or not do) the next time around. lessons learned, yeah...i would say so. i'm just really really tired. i know things will pick up, they always do. i want to learn how to break vicious cycles. i want to learn what it is that makes me happy, brings me to a higher level. i want to feel a completeness. i know, one of these days right? i think i'm ready for my next step.