Sitting alone in my corner...

Have you ever felt like you're tired of reaching, and always being the one to reach out? I know everyone has a million and one things to do (I know I do), but I'm always the first one to take the first step... Lately i've been feeling like i'm always looking for a way out. You know, you get to this place...you're there, you like what's around you. Something happens, triggers some negative feeling that only you feel, then the insecurities sink in. Of course you're the only one who feels this way, it's not triggered by anything that anyone said to you, or did. It's just something in your mind that popped up, possibly out of your imagination... I find myself always doing that, maybe it's just a self-defense that likes to be show it's ugly head every now and again, and again. I reach, I pull back, reach, pull back, reach, pull back...you get the picture. You take out one element, substitute with new element, rinse, repeat. Sometimes I feel like I go to this level, then I start suffocating...release, repeat. It's like i'm making myself go through all this "drama", but it's only in my head. I'm always afraid that my fears will become my reality, and that will always be the thing that hurts the most...