Pat me on the back...

I got another 90 on my quiz for my Policing Society class. Doing good, but I want to do better. Project is next week, right after our 3rd quiz. I'm a little worried about my Social Work class (I hope she gives us study guides for the mid term). I'm doing better now than when I was in undergrad, I wish I did better then...it would look a lot better on my behalf. This time around I think my professors know my name, which is always a good thing (seeing how quiet I usually am). My group thinks i'm a nerd, one of my best friends thinks i'm a nerdo--the other one is just happy i'm doing as good as I am. Eh whatever, I just hope this all works...a lot is riding on this. One might say the rest of my life. You know how some people say the rest of their life is based on their wedding/significant other or what not. Yeah, I don't have that, so i'm focused on myself. Nor do I have little people who look like me (that sprouted from me), so I focus on me (and those around me). Yeah, me me me. Whatever. Are YOU going to live my life for me? Thought not. Yeah, so far so good. Things seem to be falling in place. School wise at least. After all this I gotta write something that talks all about me. The Dean said i'll be a different person after I take these classes, I feel the change already. I like the challenges the professors have given me, i'd like to do more. I'd like to read more. Talk more. They're forcing me to speak, even my classmates...they poke me to raise my hand. I gotta get over this fear of speaking in front of large groups of people. I hate looking like an ass. People like to laugh at people who make an ass of themselves, as if they've never done it before. But yeah, to celebrate my "A" I got myself $1.00 nuggets. I wish they were dark meat, dark meat is so much better...

Schedule sucks more and more with each passing day...

There are things going on at home that I'd like to attend, but can't, cause my schedule sucks. I know, I know, gotta get some stuff done in order to do other things that I'd like to do...I can still complain right? For instance, my brother's best friend (and one of my good friends) is having a housewarming/house blessing...i'm still debating if I should go. I volunteer on Sundays, every Sunday till the weekend before Thanksgiving (the weekend before that is my last day), this is a requirement for one of my classes...can't go around it. I'd like to finish all that before Thanksgiving, so when the holiday's hit I can go gallivanting my merry way up and down the state. Of course when the actual holiday's hit classes will be over and the much needed 4.0 (*crosses-fingers*) will be had. So far so good. After that I can go on and apply all over the country (my mom's pretty excited about that--she hopes i'll get in somewhere in the bay w/ a scholarship). I wanted to go home for my Godson's birthday and for Halloween, i've never seen the kiddies in their costumes (and Lan was saying that if it was on a Saturday they would have come down--but it's not). I miss them, I talk to Rikki every day on aim (isn't that weird?)...ain't technology grand? I know, it's the choice I made. If my grades from undergrad were better to begin with (should not have been a nursing or psych major), I wouldn't be in this predicament. Then again, if they took me anyway I wouldn't have had this time to bond with old friends... That's one way to look at it right? I love seeing everyone, just this past weekend the boys came down. They tried to get a hold of me at like 2am, but I was in dream land apparently. At least I got to see some of you, the others of you i'd like to see next time I go home *hint* *hint* *nudge* *nudge*. Which leads me to that question. Should I lose sleep and haul ass home, fit everyone in, then haul ass back late late Saturday night/early Sunday morning? I wouldn't be able to drink. Eh, the sacrifices we all make. At least my group project will be done, and i'll just have to worry about studying after that (and volunteering)... Everyone's been really good at getting a hold of me and making time to see me. I really appreciate it. This is what I would have missed if they took me now (or actually then). Guess things do happen for a reason. I really like this. Of course, it should have been this way the entire time--but life does tend to get in the way. Options are open. Taking it one day at a time. We'll see how things go, take it from there. That's what i've been telling myself. That's why some things have worked the way they have, and some haven't. I hope it all works out in the end, and i'll be happier with the route I have chosen...my "path" will eventually be easier to handle (at least i'll get a grip on things). Just a few more months.... -------- I guess I didn't say it, my wrist is sprained and I don't know how I did it. They say it could because of an old injury and the weather. Woke up Sunday morning and it hurt like hell. Had it wrapped up since the other day. Still hurts. Hope it heals by tomorrow, I wanna lift...

Happy Birthday to one of my bestest friends!!!

Happy Birthday Lan!! It's yo' birthday girl! I know we already celebrated, and if I could...my ass would be up there tonight! But yay, you're finally 30! Some say we have reached our peak, the time of our lives even. I personally say that's another way to say that we're old (and your birthday is just another reminder that in 3 months i'll be even older =P). But whatever, we have reached another decade! I hope our 30s are way better than our 20s. As you know, we've been through hell and back, through boys, you and the little ones, and me through school and moving...and we're still standing strong. We've made some great choices, and some really bad ones...but at least now we can look back and laugh and say--what the hell were we thinking?? We've moved out and been on our own for a little while now, and it might be hard but we're still doin it (and doing it rather well I might add). We might not see each other as much as we'd like, but we still make time and talk to each other practically every day! We've been through some really great times girl! Had to drop some people along the way (their loss me thinks), but no matter what happened we've always stayed strong. I'm very thankful for that. You are one of the strongest women I know, and i'm very proud of who you have become. Yeah, i'll hopefully be working on my masters soon and be off on the other side of the country...but when you finish your undergrad, you can bet my ass will be there with bells on yelling my head off (just like you did for me). (Or when anything happens really.) We have been through so much, and we still got more to go. I just wanted to wish you a happy happy birthday!! After your parents come back and my volunteering ends (and school calms down) we're gonna go drinking (you daymn alcoholic!), and we gonna celebrate your 30-ness again! Happy birthday girl!! I luv ya! *HUG*

Restless days, and sleepless nights...

So I haven't really had a good nights rest in a long long time. Yes, insomnia has been kicking in (I have no idea why). So last night after chit chatting with Keesey I've decided to bring my once thought to be impossible goal back... Some of you might remember that I said I wanted to look like this... Now the goal is this... Check out the girls arms! I'm not quite there, but i'm getting there. Gotta cut my abs down, and cut a inch off my ass. I'm thinking training for the race will help me reach my goal. So yeah, original goal is back on! Maybe now i'll be able to sleep at night, well, after long days at work, studying into the wee hours of the night, or working out till I can't give anymore. I. Will. Get. There. The only question will be, once the race is over...what next? Then again, where will I be? Maybe this is why I can't sleep...too many questions in my head...

Beautiful wishes, and happy days...

First of all I would like to wish Dale a happy happy birthday!!! It's a no gym day, with whatever you wanna eat/do kinda day man! And i'd like to let you know that I have the bestest cousin ever! Roger is the man! He opened up my glove box and freed my radio face plate!! YES! Music in my car once again!! (I know LA, no radio?? You must be insane?!?!) He's gonna look for the replacement part for me, so I just might not have to pay for it...or as much for it. He also got me a parking spot over at school. See I have the best family, he comes to me to fix my car problems/issues. Those people must have been looking at us all crazy, he parks, I go behind him, he pulls out, I park. Niceness. Oh and he also hooked me up with a spam musobe maker he got from Longs in Hawaii. Now i'll be able to make them and not have them break on me. =) So yeah, things are good, and I think I did really good on my test the other night too *cross-fingers*. Other than that...I really wish people would listen to me, or take what I have to say at face value. I think that's my only gripe for the moment. They either have selective hearing, or just make up their own interpretation of the words that are coming out of my mouth (or emails, or im's that I type up). It's just so frustrating. But whatever, i'll get over it--I always do... So yeah, happy day Dale! Whoooo ha!! =)

Sitting alone in my corner...

Have you ever felt like you're tired of reaching, and always being the one to reach out? I know everyone has a million and one things to do (I know I do), but I'm always the first one to take the first step... Lately i've been feeling like i'm always looking for a way out. You know, you get to this place...you're there, you like what's around you. Something happens, triggers some negative feeling that only you feel, then the insecurities sink in. Of course you're the only one who feels this way, it's not triggered by anything that anyone said to you, or did. It's just something in your mind that popped up, possibly out of your imagination... I find myself always doing that, maybe it's just a self-defense that likes to be show it's ugly head every now and again, and again. I reach, I pull back, reach, pull back, reach, pull back...you get the picture. You take out one element, substitute with new element, rinse, repeat. Sometimes I feel like I go to this level, then I start suffocating...release, repeat. It's like i'm making myself go through all this "drama", but it's only in my head. I'm always afraid that my fears will become my reality, and that will always be the thing that hurts the most...

Those were the days...

These are some pic's prior digi cam years (yeah I've been snapping pic's for a while now), not the best quality--but i'm finally getting around to getting all my pictures scanned. This is Shannie, one of my bestest friends. More to come when I get around to it... Enjoy!

One down, a hell of lot more to go...

Lan told me this morning that she's doing the run with me. HELL YEAH! She made me so happy. I have a semi-training partner now, and the good thing is we're doing this together (bad habits and all--with my exception of long long drives home). But anyway, yes, that made my morning. =) We're gonna train together when i'm home, so come November and December i'm not slacking on vacation. grrrrrr, it's for a good cause I know (and I know my Auntie is looking down on me and smiling). Body is in pain from over working out from the weekend, I know I know--i'm going to slow down and pace myself. So hard to do when i'm going fast forward, but i'll slow it down from this point on. My abs are friken hurting me, but as most of you know i'm so into abs (mostly on guys) and i've been trying to get a 4 pac (at the very least) for years--I think they're finally coming through. =) So yeah, eh...happy monday all?

Helping out...

So some of you may know that with my classes I have to volunteer, today was my second day. It was rather interesting and I think the women are opening up to me. It gave me that cheery-all-over-good feeling that I have been lacking as of late. Seeing the faces on the women after serving them lunch or helping them out, or just chillin with them after their "computer" classes or whatever they do was nice. They were even talking to me about stupid little things going on, one of them noticed my hawaiian jewelry and that i'm from the islands (since I lived there I can say that--unlike some people who've never stepped a foot yet still claim.) I didn't really feel like going this morning, but as soon as I got there I felt really good about being there. The other volunteers are making me feel welcomed, and I was actually in charge of some things today (which made me feel better about being there). It was just nice, they all welcomed me...I felt like I was a part of something bigger. I left feeling a whole lot lighter, and in the end I was glad I went. I guess this whole volunteering has gotten me on this helping out kick. I even sent out an email to all my friends and family to see who wants to participate in the LA Breast Cancer Run/Walk in February. I'm gonna do it regardless if anyone does it with me or not. I even started training this weekend. This of course will only work if I quit my bad habit, or seriously cut down (which I already started to do). One of the volunteers said she'll sponser me. So yeah, once I start my training and sign up i'll be hittin ya'll up for donations. ;) Although my legs are in pain, I feel daymn good. Normally i'll work out once or twice a week, most of the time it's just step and lift...but seeing that I didn't get to the gym early enough to lift, I opted to go on Saturday and lift and run. That run just sucked big beans--probably shouldn't have done my bad habit, but I can't help it--it's addicting! So after volunteering I decided to go for a quick run. That run kicked ass, I even went overboard (of course I have my "mini-breaks" but that's only for a quick gulp of water, then I keep on going. I wanna be able to run straight through before I take on the Rose Bowl, but I will get there sometime soon (i'm hoping to enlist the help of Kinjamin with training, or at least running around the bowl every week). That would be really nice, otherwise i'll eventually make my way out there...on a not so hot southern california day. (I would so melt.) So yeah, this whole volunteering thing has actually made me go out and start doing things. I'm no longer just talking about eventually doing anything, i'm gonna do it. I wanted to do a lot of things, but i'm going to be reasonable this time around. Just like with school, i'm going to do things that are attainable (not so easy mind you, takes a lot of hard work to get whatever I want--that's always to be expected). Anyways ya'll get where i'm going with this, i'm not trying to preach or anything...it's just I like this good feeling I have inside (I wanna keep feeling this way). So I imagine that once I get my MSW i'll have this constant good feeling because i'll be trying to make tons of dents (I know I won't save the world--but i'm going to try my best too dammit!!). That's always been one of my goals, well it's actually to take over the world (but I have long since given up on that). Anyways, Emmy's is on...I want Jennifer Aniston to win. She be looking hot tonight!

Happy days, and things to save up for...

So for some reason i've been really happy (like bouncing up and down on my chair kind of happy). It's a Shannie night! Whooo hoooo! Victor might come along, but whatever he's one of the girls (j/k Victor--you're hella cool). I miss those days when your girlies or your boys call you out of the blue and ask you to hang with them. Well actually I take that back, that has been happening to me (not really out of the blue--kinda planned, but not). It just makes me so happy to be around my loved ones. *sigh* It's so rare for me since everyone has their own lives, work, and/or significant others (and it's really cool when the significant other likes to chill with your friends--makes them even better). You know, getting older isn't much fun...sometimes I wonder why I was in such a rush... And did you all know that Cingular has done away with the technicians in the store? So if you have problems with your phone (and I have a few minor probs), you have to send it away! It would help if they stated that on the website so you don't look like a dumb ass when you swing by the closest store (since they're too lazy to pick up the daymn phones!!). So I have decided that since I have a year left on my contract ima save up for a new beauteous Nokia. I'm not exactly sure which one I want, but I'll think of something...and i'm thinking of going to T-Mobile (since Verizon phones suck ass). Oh and another thing, for all you ipod owners. NEVER EVER hook your ipod up to a mac if it's already formatted for a pc (or vice versa), I wasted several hours re-formating and re-updating my ipod last night. Man oh man, my beautiful little ipod didn't know what to do with itself! It kept rejecting everything, or in the middle of updating all my songs it would quit (or in the middle of sycn'n my contacts/calendar). I think she feels abused or something. But all is good once again, she is fully updated with songs, playlists, contacts, notes and calendar. =) Ahhhh yes, success. So yeah, it's Friday!!! Hope you all have a most beauteous day & weekend! =) *mwah*

Realizations are a bitch...

Sometimes they gotta hit you in the face (or you gotta run into it full force) to even notice what's going on. I should listen to myself more. Don't get me wrong, I listen for the most part...but when it comes to carefully guarded parts--I never listen. I always think, oh eventually things will start poppin--nope wrong!! Should have went with my instincts. Sometimes I get so mad at myself!! I lecture myself sometimes, I should do that more (maybe then it'll sink in). As one of my friends told me "if you never make the journey you can't appreciate the destination." My response was, why do I always have to make my journey so daymn complicated?? Eh, time...stupid time, I know I know--I hear you. Eventually. In other news, I got a 90 on my quiz. Hell yeah! I'm focusing on school more (this time around), and since I know i'm capable of doing good...yes, I will continue this pattern in hopes of obtaining the 4.0 I so desperately need. I know I have options when it comes to what institute of higher learning I will eventually attend (with everything really). And although I dream of freezing winters and a different atmosphere all together, I will still keep in mind my sun shiny bay area home. So we shall see. I'm open to whatever life will throw my way (not that I wasn't--I was just limiting myself). So yeah, door is wide open. We'll see what happens now won't we? Just don't get in my way. ;)

It's all the questions...

That's actually part of a line from one of my favorite movies...Love Jones. If you haven't ever watched that, you should, I highly recommend it. Lately all of the lines have been going though my mind, I was going to go through my archives and re-post some of the lines, but I've done that enough. I'm sure if you wanted to, you can do the search on your own. =) Why do I like that line? It makes the most sense, why do we do anything? If we didn't question anything then we're just settling for whatever life gives us, and i'm not about to do that. What motivates you? What makes you want to do anything? What makes me want to go to school so badly? Why do I want to move cross country? I've been thinking about that a lot lately. People say you're motivated by certain people, or things...for me it's the latter. I've always wanted to have another degree, I think it's cool. And well, I want to do some good in this world, and I feel that i'll have a better chance if I go some place that i've always wanted to live...it's not the easiest path to take (seeing that i've lived most of my adult life out on the west side). I could just as easily go back to the bay, move back home, commute to S.F. or go to Berkeley (but I'd get an apt if I were to go there). It just seems to easy for me. I need a challenge. Why is it with me I have to try to do the toughest rode possible? Not impossible mind you, just the hardest rode, or the hardest path I could think of. I never try to do the easy route (well maybe in undergrad I did), now that I've had a taste of doing the nearly impossible...I want to do more. It's as if i'm never satisfied. I see my friends, and see what each and every one of them are going through...sometimes I want that. Sometimes I just want to go home. But I won't, not unless something happens that would make me change my mind entirely...but that better be a daymn good reason. I've been questioning everything lately. I even wonder why some people do some things. Motivations. Some things I just can't understand, even though I try to see things at different angles, I just don't get it. I've been going in different directions all at once. Impossible? I think not. My head hasn't been spinning out of control, my mind has been going at different speeds in different directions. Question after question, trying to reason myself into or out of things. I sound crazy, yes? Sometimes i'm sure of myself, other times I get so scared. A lot of the time I want to go home, sit in my old room and just veg...but I know I can't, I have to just try...see what else is out there. I think i've exhausted all the possibilities out here in LA. It's all getting to me. The only thing saving me from my personal hell is school (and Shannon)...down here that is. I have a million and one reasons to go home (then again, maybe I won't be so skinny since they're always feeding me). I'll admit it, I have entertained the thought...it's just too easy (maybe one day--who knows). I don't know, too much going on in my head. Of course I have doubts, everyone does. It's scary, the whole possibility of going to Grad School. Moving. Everything, and nothing all at the same time. I feel like i'm moving, but i'm standing still. One foot in front of the other, trying not to fall down. I wonder if anyone would catch me if I fall.

Happy Birthday Blog!!

It's been two years! You all have seen me through my ups and downs, all the good times, and even some of my worst moments. Through template changes, color changes, and additions. All my rants and raves about my things goings on, or my random thoughts, or movie lines or lyrics. Ahh, so much i've gone though this past year--I can't even believe it. So thanks for coming along for the ride, who knows what's next. So yay, happy birthday my little blog! *mwah*

It's been three years...

These were taken on my last visit to Jersey/NYC. They re-opened the Path's WTC station a few months earlier, so Phil took us there before we headed back to Jersey that night. It was kind of overwhelming, we were all silent as I wandered the station taking pictures of everything. You can just feel the energy, it was depressing/dismal/morose...you just felt it in the air. It was freezing, but as we walked the station it seemed to get colder with each step. So today, let's all remember 9/11, and remember what sparked the fire...

My Hero Is You

-Hayden Panettiere You know I try to be, All that I can. But there's a part of me, I still don't understand. Why do I always want, What I don't have. When in reality, It's really not that bad. Your faith has shown me that. When my world goes crazy, You won't let go. When the ground gets shaky, You kept me hope. When I try to push you away, You never move. Now when I start doubtin', You help me see. You believe there ain't nothing I can't do. my hero is you. yeah My hero is you. ---------------- I've been searching for the lyrics to this song for months (okay, maybe one month), and i've been trying to get a copy of this song too. Something about it just struck me really hard. I know, I know...it's a Disney song (teeny bopper at that), I don't care--I know what I like, and when i'm determined...I get what I want. I wanted the daymn lyrics and I FINALLY got them. Yeah, whatever (I know i'm mental), I don't care what you think of me right now--i'm happy. Lyrics just speak to me. Some people are too busy doing their daily that they don't hear the words (or notice things that are around them). I'll stop and listen, especially when I become intrigued by one line (or two). Either that or i'm just a good listener, I can hear things when people don't think I can (blame that one on my mom). So when I become "intrigued" i'll do what I can to either get what I want, or learn more about it. Either way it'll come to me (eventually), or just happen--its just a matter of time...

Crazy days, and restless nights.

So my schedule has been topsy turvey these past few weeks. Being up early for work then going to class at night, or my one work out day, or my dinners w/ shan, or study nights...it's been a lot to take. I'm trying to make some extra time for me so I can go to the gym, or hang with friends...lately it's been the later (but well worth it =) [I love you guys!]). Lately, if I don't have to study (or I can rationalize myself out of studying) I tend to veg out in front of the computer (chatting, msg board, blogs/lj's, or updating my own). Sometimes I stay up TOO late (daymn photo page)!! I tend to stay up late every night, if it's not on the computer--i'm studying. I know that's what i'm supposed to be doing, but i'm not making my 12:00 cutoff. Most of the time I hit the hay at 2:00 or close to, which results in me waking up grumpy every day for work (hit the snooze--sleep for 10 more minutes). I have a tendency to perfect everything i'm working on till it's completed (or where I want it for now), then move on to something else. I can't just let something sit knowing that something is wrong with it, i must make it EXACTLY as I want it (otherwise i'll pull out my hair--or wake up in the middle of the morning and fix it). urrgghhh, I know...my "perfectionism" will be my demise, at least my attempt to. Must find some balance. Need more sleep. How the hell did I do this in college?

Girls Weekend aka Lani's Birthday Weekend

So I spent my long holiday w/ these two ladies... It started off Friday night, well early Saturday morning (like around 4am)...and we took it from there. I pretty much took shots of everything we did [with the exception of Yard House & Crazy Horse--we were Dancing Queens Lan & I--Val was our Princess], so if you wanna check those out click here!! So as you can see, we celebrated Lan's 30th birthday all weekend long. Well, early that is...since I won't be around to celebrate on her actual birthday (and she won't be able to anyway). We walked around Venice Beach, drank at the Yard House, danced our asses off at Crazy Horse (poor boys were too scared to come up, *snap* we still got it--and those girls must have been crazy if they thought they were gonna push us out of our spot), we witnessed a fight after dancing the alcohol away, ate at Roscoe's, drank it up at TJ's, dinner w/ Ron at Peohe's, lunch at Alberto's & almost got into a car accident on our way back to my place this afternoon. A fun filled three-day weekend as you can see. So yeah, spread all that out over 2.5 days and you got our weekend. I have leftovers for the entire week! Thanks everyone! Oh and the accident...I HATE LA drivers. Especially the punks that don't bother looking before changing lanes, I almost hit the wall...good thing for those fast reflexes of mine. I'm just glad that everyone behind us slowed down so I could pull over and re-start the car. Yes, I had to slam on the brakes so hard that they locked, and I was fishtailing all over the place. But we're all okay, and live to tell the tale. Just don't get a Nissan Sentra rental, that thing sucked big beans...locking breaks--that wasn't safe. Anyway, i'm pretty tired...and I got my first quiz tomorrow night. So off I am to eat, then study my butt off. Hope you all had a good weekend! **edit: Check what I can do with my camera - *click* *click*

Happiness is in the eye of the beholder.

So i've had my ups and downs, and lately...i've been on the up and up. (Sounds so gay--I know.) Things have just been good. School started, and even though i'm seriously tired (like every night)...i'm getting it. For the first time in my life, i'm loving school (and everything is sinking in). I even got all my extra's for class set up (I made sure I had that lined up before anything). My schedule looks tough, and I won't be able to go home (or anywhere for that matter) till Thanksgiving. But it's okay, I know my people understand my situation...and even though i'm not around--my phone is turned on 24/7 (and sometimes IM is on too--even if i'm not heheheh). So the long weekend is upon us, and i'm leaving early. The girls will be invading my space all weekend long. I can't wait! Gotta clean & study--you know daymn well I won't be allowed to study while they're here. But yeah, I can't wait. Girlie time is always a must (even if we don't act like girlies--I know I'm more manly than anything). And no, we're not gonna get in our pj's and have a pillow fight, and no the web cam WON'T be turned on if we do. hahahaha Have a good one guys! Happy friday!!! Lan's gonna test out her new cam, so yes even more pictures!!! =) *MWAH*