i'm not a perfect person...

that line has been going through my head ever since i got to work, maybe it's cause that was the last song playing on the radio. anyway. i'm sure as hell not perfect, but i know i'm friken anal! thanks to those who helped me decide on no boarders. kept putting them on, taking them off, on, off, on, off. as you can see....i decided on off. and on the colors, those are my absolutely favorite colors in the world! and as jayce pointed out, those are the colors to rutgers (IT'S A SIGN). well, and they're also the colors of the niners... i know i haven't really wrote anything of substance lately...just been my usual random self. which is good right? since i'm really friken random. i'm way random, crazy random. eh. which goes to show i'm not perfect, nor do i ever try to show or say that i am. i mean, we all are just trying to make it through the day...live our lives the best way we all know how right? like for instance, i've been in a weird ass mood funk. it's like, stay the hell away from me. i think it's just a "defense" for when i actually get things going, like it'll be easier for me to deal with things if i stay the way i am now. i mean, i have made it a point to do things with all the people who have been there for me since day one (or close enough) since i really haven't been able to. and you know, there is only so much one person can do. i know it's a bad "defense", but hey sometimes you gotta be on "d"....it helps you get through the good and bad times. it's like those daymn walls that grow with time, but it's a different kind of wall. no one wants to feel pain, so instead of dealing we all numb ourselves...we all know eventually it's going to happen--instead of dealing i go on "d". i mean my walls really aren't that thick, and the "exceptions to the rule" always ALWAYS get through. no matter how far you think you push them, or how much you don't want to--they get through. and rather than stress over things, i've learned to deal with things. so i'm on "d". it's not that bad you know, i just keep a lot of stuff inside...sometimes i let it out, but most of the time it just stays buried in my subconscious. but you know, no matter what i do the ones that mean the most will always be there. i might show my "feelings" in a "odd" way, or do things to prove to them i'm being "real", they're still there. regardless if i talked to you yesterday, or 3 months ago, or even a year ago...they're still there. i mean, i might not talk to some of my best friends for over a year, but the minute we get back together...it's as if you never left. i love that. everyone that means something, always does that with me (and me with them). priceless. it's a never-ending cycle...that i hope with some will break...