Now she rests

At 0716 I received a text from my brother that Kristy's bp was low & it was time. I was still at work. I told him I would go home, run, give Jersey his cancer pills, get ready & drive down. As I was running I heard her. She told me not to back off my pace, she told me to come to see her, she wanted me there. 

Considering how I've been feeling, I ran a pretty fast 5k. Got home, gave Jersey his pills. Tried to call Oscar, ended up messaging him. I forgot what day it was. Told him what was happening. Then I went to get ready. Then my other brother called, she left. It was 9:30 AM. He asked me to send my parents a message. I did. I told Oscar, he asked if I needed him to come home. I said if he wanted too, he asked agin & I said yes. 

I got ready. He got home 45 or so minutes later & we headed down. 

When we got there there was a lot of people in the house. Jessica told me her body was upstairs, I needed to see her. She was a shadow of her former self. To be honest, she's been declining this past month. I last saw her at the beginning of the month. She was in more pain than I have ever seen her. Then to see her yesterday, I was crushed. I held her hand. I felt her squeeze back, I know she did. 

For the most part I stayed in her room with her family. I felt I needed to be there. I stayed there until they came to take her body. Before they did, I kissed her forehead, told her I loved her & stepped to the side. I didn't want to watch them wrap her up to bring her downstairs. 

Only the family followed her to the van. It was so hard to watch them put her into the van. I told her, "love you lots, K."  She said that since the beginning, I know she has always meant it. 

You have to understand. I don't have any biological sisters, I am the only girl with three older brothers. I have 2 best friends who are females, they're sisters to me & I have 2 sister in laws. I have always been closer to Kristy out of the two. She has always been someone who was so open and loving and she is a sister to me. She had that sense about her. She always wanted to talk about what you're going through and she always understood. She understood my struggles and tried to help. At one point she was going to help me go over practice exams to help me with my licensing exams. 

She was always helping you, but when she got sick she didn't want to talk about it. They kept it between them, I know she didn't want to be a burden and trust me she never was. Like I told her and her family, if I had a choice to do it all over again, I would. 

Initially, we all spent a great amount of time together. We went snowboarding, they showed me auto cross, they took me to movies & because of Noel & Kristy I found my love of Harry Potter. Even when I moved down south, or clear across the country, she showed me she cared. Not just on vacations or when I was home. She reached out when she could, I appreciate that more than she probably knew. 

So when the time came & I helped her at night time to make sure she was okay. That time was precious to me. It was our "sleep over" time. I massaged her legs, helped do what she needed & I made sure she knew that I was there for her, not to be embarrassed or not to feel a burden. I was there because I love her. Some of my favorite memories were during those times. I even introduced her to the Big Bang Theory. We talked about future plans, going to Hawaii after I was licensed and what may happen. If I had more vacation time or FMLA, I would have stayed longer. 

Now all I have is the memories. I am forever grateful that I have them. She is family, her family is my family. We all got closer through this, I think she wanted it this way. 

But regardless, none of this prepared me to see her yesterday, none of it. I thought she would fight through. She was gaining some weight, eating more. For Chris's birthday we all got together. I was her eyes, I face timed from downstairs so she could make sure everything was done properly. That was so, Kristy.  That was a good day. 

Seeing her yesterday, you die a little on the inside. I know she is at peace now, her spirit free and no more pain. But part of you dies when a loved one leaves this world. 

I know I was just a sister in law, but like I said, she was like a sister I never had. She was pure love, giving her all. To her faith, to her family. She tried to force God to take her, but he took her when it was time. 

I thank you Lord for bringing her to my brother, for bringing our families together. I miss you lots, K. I love you lots, K. It's not going to be the same. You are so brave. You did it all with a smile on your face, and even in death I know you're smiling. Do me a favor? Show yourself sometime. I know I hear you as I run, but show me you're okay. 

Love you lots, K.