#alwaysinmyheart

Whenever I was injured, I always had someone to turn to. Today I didn't really have her to ask. Unless she was the one who helped me find my solution. She was my personal physical therapist, she even tried to give me a massage on one of our sleep over nights. Always the stubborn one. I just wanted her to get some sleep, but she never really did those nights when she was lucid or not so lucid.

We made a lot of memories over the years, but the best ones were when I stayed over to help. 

Oh I am praying taping, & the inserts will make my 20 miler tomorrow bearable. I just need to get through 20 miles before Big Sur. 

I ran it for her. Actually, this past year, when I started my streak, I always thought of her. One of my fastest 5ks was the day she left us. She is always in my thoughts & #alwaysinmyheart. 

So with each step, tomorrow is for you K. Santa Cruz, BSIM & Chicago. Whenever I run a race, it's for you & when I train, I will remember why. 

Thank you for reminding me. 💜💙

 

Distractions

I've come to realize that as a therapist I'm trained to figure out my own distraction techniques, however, the bad thing is that I have used a lot of distraction techniques over this entire past year.

I know it's a process & have been completely logical about my process. I don't know if it's because it makes it easier for me to deal with, or, that is just how I'm dealing. I started really resenting people who tried to tell me how I'm supposed to feel, so instead, I've just not. 

DABDA. I know what it means & I know it's different for everyone & she's meant something different to everyone. I know that, I get that. Again, I have been completely logical about it. Maybe it makes me unapproachable or maybe people who are uncomfortable with this...who knows. 

Doesn't matter, this year I've learned who are real & who don't even matter. That's really important in this process. I've also learned not to put expectations on anyone. Cause you'll just get disappointed & ive been disappointed a lot. I'm really over it. 

But back to distractions. I've used it since week 1, studying, testing, getting licensed, getting a new job, working 2 jobs...all the while making sure pup's okay, boyfriends okay, best friends & family are okay. Cause really best friends are family...running family included.  It really makes one tired & I am super tired, even if I get lots & lots of sleep on a quality bed. 

So I've noticed it, & this month is gonna be hard. I've accepted it. This entire year has been hard. I think I'm at the last D & A right now...with dabs of the first A. But if you really care, just make sure I don't go over the edge. I know I don't talk much about it, it's a defense. Trust me, I know.