It's been quite the year & eight months.

I've been at my current place of employment for a year & eight months. Two months into it I thought, what the hell was I thinking??  My focus soon became (as if it ever changed) just pass, pass that daymn exam. Of course come April I failed by 7. Got really mad at myself, then I saw the reality of my situation. How people on this "team" aren't abiding by our ethics, but I was also reminded that on this "team" it's not just MSW's. You'd think that if you were in this field, you'd want to help others, work together & be understanding. So not the case. I was upset about failing, so instead of talk to me about it, complain to your supervisor that I'm moody. That is the way you handle that type of situation. I learned early on to just shut up, it was like DMH all over again. 

That's just one of the many things that have happened while on this "team."   The way they treat you, it's like I was in Mean Girls, I couldn't believe it. Till this day I'm in Mean Girls. They don't work together & if you leave work for them, they question why you didn't do it. It's not like they have caseloads & it's not always busy.  Or if there's a change in your schedule & no one told them, they need to know why & again with the questioning. 

Not all on the "team" are bad. My supervisor is really trying, but it's hard to pull together a broken down group that refuses to work together. Talk behind everyone's back, that's what it's like here. Mean girls. I think I didn't push to change my shift because I didn't want to work on a shift with them. 

I have learned many things after working here: You can't trust people, you say one thing, they go & spread it. The trust circle needs to be tight.  I have stronger boundaries because I had to deal w/ a borderline who is probably bipolar as well.  You need breaks & as much as possible. If you don't want to say something, don't. You don't have to justify anything to anyone who's not your supervisor. Karma is a bitch & will bite you in the ass. But I knew that one already. 

I hope they learn lessons, I know I have. I do not wish bad things on anyone, but I do hope they learn. 

Reflections

You come to a point where you're just done. You stop trying or doing because you trust your instincts, listen to your gut & know that what you've been feeling...it's true. 

People come in & out of your life, it's the constant cycle...and that's okay. Either they die, or you just start seeing them for what they've always been. 

Over these past few months I've seen things in a better light. Ive stopped adding in what I wanted to see & just observed what truly is there. It's a hard pill to swallow. 

People who are meant to be, they will always be there. But those others, for whatever reason, they'll eventually slip away...because really. Were they ever there to begin with? Or was it something I wanted them to be? Maybe they were there for what they needed to be & you just grew apart. It happens. 

Sometimes you just get tired of all the bull shit they keep spewing & it's nicer to stay away. Cause people grow apart, the ones that stay, those were truly there, in good & especially the hard times. Some say they tried, but if they actually -tried- they would still at minimal give you the benefit of the doubt & maybe still be around. 

I'm just done. Tired. Because if they were true, they wouldn't have even ventured off, no matter how hard things got or were. Death, good things, bad, terrible, happy, they'd still care enough to be around or figure out what went wrong. But they didn't. So I will just take their lead, and bid adieu. 

You always know who are the ones who are true, you just know.