seasons change you know sometimes (or so i'm told). . .you wake up. things that used to bother you, don't. or things that you thought mattered, well. . .don't. i take that back--of course they matter (it's just not so much). it's normal for things to change like the seasons (it's just sad when they do). but you welcome the change because new things seem to pop up from out of nowhere. i think. . .earlier this week i woke up. one of my friends told me i would and i didn't believe him (but i did). so now i'm welcoming new things, changes if you will. hell, i'll be in jersey in 33 days and counting. so yeah. i think i'm actually happy now. not content. . .actually happy. the seasons change, people change. . . as expose sang it best, "Seasons change, feelings change. It's been so long since I found you, yet it seems like yesterday. Seasons change, people change." ahh, the times they are a changing my friend. adieu. 33/34 p.s. thanks dean. . . for the lesson. i'll keep it in mind for next time!

IF I KNEW

IF I KNEW If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming you would KNOW I do. If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything just right. There will always be another day to say "I love you," and certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do?" But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day. That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone what turned out to be their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear, tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear. Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay." And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * got this from my girl Gen. thanks girlie!! something to keep in mind, indeed. 34/34

I GOT IT!!!! wheeee!!! i got it this morning!! wheee!! watch out now!!! jersey, here i come!!! you're about to be invaded by a lil hyper ass californian!!! wheeee!! i can't wait, gonna see and do so many things!! yay!! i've been wanting to go for YEARS!! finally i can go!! yipeeee!! i'm so excited, and i just can't hide it! yay! okay a month and few days to go, but hey, i'm going to jersey/ny!!!! wheeeeeee!!!! *MWA* 34/34

The special people in my life People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But...only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. * * * * * * * * * * * * got this forward, so i'm forwarding this to all of you. ain't the internet grand? *mwa*

Steps to Happiness Everybody knows: You can't be all things to everybody. You can't do all things at once. You can't do all things equally well. You can't do all things better than everyone else. Your humanity is showing just like everybody else. So: You have to find out who you are and be that. You have to decided what comes first and do that. You have to discover your strengths and use them. You have to learn not to compete with others because no one else is in the contest of being you. Then: You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions. You will have learned to live with your limitations. You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due. And you will be a most vital mortal. Dare to believe: That you are a wonderful, unique person. That you are a once-in-all-history event. That it's more than a right... It's your duty to be who you are. That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish. And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * got this off of bumblebootie's blog. ahhhhh, it just speaks. thanks mel! *mwa*

something to ponder "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." - Gilda Radner * * * * * * * * * * * i got this from my friend Jharv's blog. hits ya in the right spot. *fist in air*

Truism... As I've Matured... I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes . I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think. I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off. I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished. I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things. I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back. I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity. I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it. I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent. * * * * * * * * * * got this from my friend erik. thanks man! so very true, well, most of them anyway.

it's their anniversary so okay 36 years ago, in a little chapel somewhere on the east coast (i think in virginia) my mom and dad and two of their friends got together in front of a priest and said their i do's. wasn't a big event, but they've been together ever since. 8 months later, my big bro eric came, alfrancis came a year after that [rip], noel came a year after that, then i came 4 years after that. they've stuck together through all the good and the bad. because of them, i know what love is. to this day they still cap on each other, then giggle. they still play fight, my mom always has to be right, my dad is still chill, letting her have her way. man, i love them so. because of them, i am who i am today. of course i fought them every step of the way, but what daughter dosen't fight with her parents? yes, the mistake likes to fight. heh. i remember the first time my dad told me that, i think i cried. but then my mom told me she wanted me, so i was happy once again. then again, daddy wants me to be the one to give him grandkids, and my mom wants me to have a kick ass wedding. eh, whatcha gonna do? i just hope i'm as lucky as they were to find each other. well, i'm told, my mom was playing hard to get with daddy for a while. maybe that's the key? hmmmm, or perhaps i already met him. *shrug* regardless, today is a day to celibrate. i celibrated with them this weekend. it's my brothers turn to take them out. yay, it's their anniverary. wheeeee!!!!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOMMY & DADDY!!! i love you guys so!! *mwa* *mwa* *mwa* *mwa*

names, names, names i stole this off of yano's blog. you can get it from fun stuff. it's pretty cool. Eileen Joy The name of Eileen Joy creates a restless, creative nature that takes you into many ventures, but does not allow you to see things through to a satisfactory completion. Yours is a versatile, musical, artistic, but independent nature and you must have the freedom to express your creative ideas and abilities to be happy. An urge for independence causes dissatisfaction and frustration in close relationships and you find the "ties that bind" restricting. The qualities of this name would find a more constructive outlet in work that involves high-pressure selling or promotional activities, possibly in community affairs, for it contains a positive, driving power. It is difficult for you to merge with others; although you have quickness of mind, you lack tolerance and can give way to impatience at another's slowness or shortcomings. If you cannot complete your plans when you wish to do so, you could suffer intense moods of depression and extreme sensitivity in the region of the solar plexus, resulting possibly in ulcers or nervous disorders. This name could take you into bitter experiences through impulsive action. You need more stability to find peace of mind, relaxation and happiness in life. interesting huh. both my first names are similar in meaning. i just put it together because after reading it, it was word for word the same. hmmmmmm. wonder if the parentals knew that when they were naming me.

THE FOLLOWING IS A CHINESE GOOD LUCK TANTRA TOTEM. You may not believe in this but the advice is great! Read all the way down, you might discover something new!!! ==================================================== ONE (1) Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. TWO (2) Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. THREE (3) Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. FOUR (4) When you say, "I love you", mean it. FIVE (5) When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye. SIX (6) Be engaged at least six months before you get married. SEVEN (7) Believe in love at first sight. EIGHT (8) Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE (9) Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely. TEN (10) In disagreements, fight fairly. Please no name calling. ELEVEN (11) Don't judge people by their relatives. TWELVE (12) Talk slowly but think quickly. THIRTEEN (13) When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" FOURTEEN (14) Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk... FIFTEEN (15) Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. SIXTEEN (16) When you lose, don't lose the lesson. SEVENTEEN (17) Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions. EIGHTEEN (18) Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. NINETEEN (19) When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY (20) Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. TWENTY ONE (21) Spend some time alone.

"Happiness is what happens to us when we try to make someone else happy." i'm really happy right now. =)

random thought i want it to be the best.

random lines [can't get enough] never make the same mistake twice. . . 'cause that shit's played out like a 8 track. romance, is about the possibility of a thing you see, it's about the time between when you meet some fine ass woman and when you first make love to her or when you first ask a woman to marry you and when she says i do. when people who've been together for a long time say the romance is gone uhh um, what they're really saying is they've exhausted the possibility. it's like poetry it's the possiblity of language. jealosy is a sickness let it go and just walk away. i don't need poetry to get women. naw brother, you need a personality. you said it was bad timing and i figured if i asked again maybe you'd say yes and if not that time then maybe the next time till the next time became the right time ahhh, persistence you'd be suprised how far it can get you. it's about reaching your level i'm like a thief in the night you know what i mean? fbi's still on my tail but they can't get me. sometimes i think i'm going to far with you. it's a destiny type thing, baby. true love my ass, man love is what you make and with whom you make it that's it. it ain't supposed to make sense. . . it is, what it is.

random lines [3] hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies. fear can hold you prisoner, hope can set you free. if i didn't care, more than words can say, if i didn't care, would i feel this way, if this isn't love, then why do i thrill and what makes my head go round and round while my heart stands still...

random lines [2] that shit's played out like an 8 track. when that jones come down come down like a muthafucka. this is a destiny type thing, baby. whatcha wanna do? you only get two. . . love is what you make and who you make it with. love, passion, it is, what it is. you always want what you want, when you want it. . . . let me tell you something this here, right now, is all that matters to me. i love you. that's urgent like a muthafucka.

a blues for nina say baby, can i be your slave i've got to admit girl, you're the shit girl and i'm diggin` you like a grave now do they call you daughter to the spinnin post, or or maybe queen of 10,000 moons sister to the distant, yet risin` star is your name yimmy-ya oh hell nah, it`s got to be ocean ooo, is that a smile me put on your face child wide as a field of jasmine and glover talk that talk honey, walk that walk money hound legs that'll spank jehovah shit, who am i? it's not important but they call me brother to the night and right now i'm the blues in your left thigh tryin to become the funk in your right who am I? i'll be whoever you say but right now, i'm the sigh traped hunter blindly pursuing you as my prey and i just wanna give you injections, of sublime erections and get you to dance to my rhythm make you dream archaetypes, of black angels in flight upon wings, of distorted, contorted, metaphoric jism come on slim fuck yo` man, i ain`t worried about him it's you who i wanna step to my scene cause rather than deal with the fallacy of this dry ass reality i rather dance and romance your sweet ass, in a wet dream who am I? well they all call me brother to the night and right now, i'm the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right is that alright? * * * * * * * * * * * i love this movie, darius is so cool. . . i don't care if he's only a character, he's fresh.

romance, is about the possibility of a thing you see, it's about the time between when you meet some fine ass woman and when you first make love to her or when you first ask a woman to marry you and when she says i do. when people who've been together for a long time say the romance is gone uhh um, what they're really saying is they've exhausted the possibility. . . . . . . . . . . it's like poetry it's the possiblity of language. * * * * * * * * * * i love this movie. any guesses?

the little things are infinitely important -sir arthur conan doyle

got this from a really good friend A good woman is proud of herself. She respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, nor does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her needs. A good woman is hopeful. She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love. She recognizes that her love has a great value and must be reciprocated. If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears. A good woman has a dash of inspiration and a dabble of endurance. She knows that she will, at times, have to inspire others to reach the potential God gave them. A good woman knows her past, understands her present and moves toward the future. A good woman knows God. She knows that with God the world is her playground, but without God she will just be played. A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past. Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons, meant to bring her closer to self knowledge and unconditional self love. I just sent this to a good woman ............... why don't you? * * * * * * * * * * so true, my friend. *mwa*

serendipity you have to have faith. . . in destiny.