Right in front of Russian diva Svetlana Khorkina, the pony-tailed princess of the burgeoning U.S. women's gymnastics program turned into a queen at Olympic Indoor Hall. Inspired by fellow American Paul Hamm's magical comeback in winning gold Wednesday in the men's all-around, Patterson overcame a shaky eighth-place start after the vault to match Retton's 1984 Olympic gold in the women's all-around.
"It's a new era," bellowed Bela Karoyli, the coach who turned Retton into the U.S.'s first all-around Olympic champion in 1984. " It's a new chapter in American gymnastics."
Added Martha Karolyi, U.S. team coordinator: "This is Carly's coming out."
The page officially turned with Patterson, 16, celebrating atop her coach's shoulders and Khorkina, 25 and competing in her third and final Olympics, waving to the crowd as she left the floor, beaten by .176 points. Patterson, from Allen, Texas, totaled 38.387 in the four events and Khorkina 38.211. China's Nan Zhang won bronze (38.049).
Courtney Kupets of Gaithersburg, Md., finished ninth, obviously hampered by a muscle pull in her right leg.
Khorkina, who beat Patterson out of the gold at last year's world championships in Anaheim, Calif., relinquished her throne reluctantly, if not defiantly.
"I'm still Olympic champion," said Khorkina, the three-time world all-around champion who has won two Olympic golds in bars. Asked to explain, she added, "I'm saying I'm twice an Olympic champion. If somebody doesn't know, I was an Olympic champion in Atlanta and Sydney."
But that was then, and this is now. Patterson, sitting next to her in the interview room, looked quizzically at the rival she beat, then turned away and smiled. This was her moment, her time, her stage and no one could take it away now.
"I don't even know what to say right now I'm so happy," she said. "I've dreamed of this my whole life. It's amazing."
So was she.
Patterson came into the competition the top qualifier, but she displayed uncharacteristic cracks in her armor with sub-par showings in the vault and bars in the U.S.'s silver effort in the team finals two nights earlier.
Then she opened the all-around with a crooked landing on the vault and a score of 9.375 that placed her eighth. Her coach, Evgeny Marchenko, took her aside. "I told her, 'It's OK,'" he said. "It's only the beginning. Don't worry about scores, keep working."
The pressure was on, but Patterson rose to the top of the U.S. program with pressure performances. She embraced the challenge, and tore a page out of Hamm's golden comeback.
"I know about Paul Hamm's story and his comeback," she said. "And I knew if I could hit the best routines I would have a chance."
She moved into fourth with a 9.575 score on bars, then put Khorkina in her rearview mirror with a stunning 9.725 on the beam.
That set the stage for the final event of the night, the floor exercise which is one of her strengths. She watched Khorkina score a 9.562 and prance off.
Patterson had to wait through two more performers. That left her as the final competitor on the floor, a pressure-cooker position with the gold on the line. She needed 9.573 to win, and she nailed a nearly flawless 9.712.
"She proved she's the one who can handle the pressure," said Marchenko.
When the winning score flashed on the scoreboard overhead, she leaped into Marchenko's arms and cried.
"There was a lot of emotion there," he said. "It's been a tough, long road."
Patterson emerged from the pack of U.S. women gymnasts the last 18 months and drew comparisons to Retton from Martha Karolyi. She arrived at the Games with her leaping split on 70 million McDonald bags � and delivered the goods Thursday.
"She loves the crowd," said Kupets.
"She is so mentally tough," said Martha Karolyi.
The clutch performance left her casting her own shadow in gymnastics.
"This means a whole lot," she said. "I worked all my life to be an Olympic champion. All the work paid off."
It paid off on the biggest stage in the world, against Khorkina, one of the most decorated gymnasts in history with five Olympic and 20 world medals won in her career.
Marchenko soaked in the moment.
"It's sweet revenge," he said. "We've been waiting all year to do this. I know Svetlana is a great gymnast. She made a statement in the world forever. But Carly said her words tonight."
They rang loud and clear. And royally.
USA Today - Article
-----------------------------
She did it! I saw her on vault, uneven, balance beam, floor....but I passed out before I saw who got what. YES! This IS my favorite event at the Olympics, and I had to fall asleep. Anyway, congratulations Carly! Whoooo hoooooo! Nicely done! =)
Friday, August 20, 2004
Patterson wins all-around gold
By Greg Boeck, USA TODAY
ATHENS � Don't call her the next Mary Lou Retton anymore. Carly Patterson made a name for herself Thursday. She's the Golden Girl of gymnastics now Carly Patterson competes in the floor exercise, scoring the highest of this competition � 9.712.
Right in front of Russian diva Svetlana Khorkina, the pony-tailed princess of the burgeoning U.S. women's gymnastics program turned into a queen at Olympic Indoor Hall. Inspired by fellow American Paul Hamm's magical comeback in winning gold Wednesday in the men's all-around, Patterson overcame a shaky eighth-place start after the vault to match Retton's 1984 Olympic gold in the women's all-around.
"It's a new era," bellowed Bela Karoyli, the coach who turned Retton into the U.S.'s first all-around Olympic champion in 1984. " It's a new chapter in American gymnastics."
Added Martha Karolyi, U.S. team coordinator: "This is Carly's coming out."
The page officially turned with Patterson, 16, celebrating atop her coach's shoulders and Khorkina, 25 and competing in her third and final Olympics, waving to the crowd as she left the floor, beaten by .176 points. Patterson, from Allen, Texas, totaled 38.387 in the four events and Khorkina 38.211. China's Nan Zhang won bronze (38.049).
Courtney Kupets of Gaithersburg, Md., finished ninth, obviously hampered by a muscle pull in her right leg.
Khorkina, who beat Patterson out of the gold at last year's world championships in Anaheim, Calif., relinquished her throne reluctantly, if not defiantly.
"I'm still Olympic champion," said Khorkina, the three-time world all-around champion who has won two Olympic golds in bars. Asked to explain, she added, "I'm saying I'm twice an Olympic champion. If somebody doesn't know, I was an Olympic champion in Atlanta and Sydney."
But that was then, and this is now. Patterson, sitting next to her in the interview room, looked quizzically at the rival she beat, then turned away and smiled. This was her moment, her time, her stage and no one could take it away now.
"I don't even know what to say right now I'm so happy," she said. "I've dreamed of this my whole life. It's amazing."
So was she.
Patterson came into the competition the top qualifier, but she displayed uncharacteristic cracks in her armor with sub-par showings in the vault and bars in the U.S.'s silver effort in the team finals two nights earlier.
Then she opened the all-around with a crooked landing on the vault and a score of 9.375 that placed her eighth. Her coach, Evgeny Marchenko, took her aside. "I told her, 'It's OK,'" he said. "It's only the beginning. Don't worry about scores, keep working."
The pressure was on, but Patterson rose to the top of the U.S. program with pressure performances. She embraced the challenge, and tore a page out of Hamm's golden comeback.
"I know about Paul Hamm's story and his comeback," she said. "And I knew if I could hit the best routines I would have a chance."
She moved into fourth with a 9.575 score on bars, then put Khorkina in her rearview mirror with a stunning 9.725 on the beam.
That set the stage for the final event of the night, the floor exercise which is one of her strengths. She watched Khorkina score a 9.562 and prance off.
Patterson had to wait through two more performers. That left her as the final competitor on the floor, a pressure-cooker position with the gold on the line. She needed 9.573 to win, and she nailed a nearly flawless 9.712.
"She proved she's the one who can handle the pressure," said Marchenko.
When the winning score flashed on the scoreboard overhead, she leaped into Marchenko's arms and cried.
"There was a lot of emotion there," he said. "It's been a tough, long road."
Patterson emerged from the pack of U.S. women gymnasts the last 18 months and drew comparisons to Retton from Martha Karolyi. She arrived at the Games with her leaping split on 70 million McDonald bags � and delivered the goods Thursday.
"She loves the crowd," said Kupets.
"She is so mentally tough," said Martha Karolyi.
The clutch performance left her casting her own shadow in gymnastics.
"This means a whole lot," she said. "I worked all my life to be an Olympic champion. All the work paid off."
It paid off on the biggest stage in the world, against Khorkina, one of the most decorated gymnasts in history with five Olympic and 20 world medals won in her career.
Marchenko soaked in the moment.
"It's sweet revenge," he said. "We've been waiting all year to do this. I know Svetlana is a great gymnast. She made a statement in the world forever. But Carly said her words tonight."
They rang loud and clear. And royally.
USA Today - Article
-----------------------------
She did it! I saw her on vault, uneven, balance beam, floor....but I passed out before I saw who got what. YES! This IS my favorite event at the Olympics, and I had to fall asleep. Anyway, congratulations Carly! Whoooo hoooooo! Nicely done! =)
Right in front of Russian diva Svetlana Khorkina, the pony-tailed princess of the burgeoning U.S. women's gymnastics program turned into a queen at Olympic Indoor Hall. Inspired by fellow American Paul Hamm's magical comeback in winning gold Wednesday in the men's all-around, Patterson overcame a shaky eighth-place start after the vault to match Retton's 1984 Olympic gold in the women's all-around.
"It's a new era," bellowed Bela Karoyli, the coach who turned Retton into the U.S.'s first all-around Olympic champion in 1984. " It's a new chapter in American gymnastics."
Added Martha Karolyi, U.S. team coordinator: "This is Carly's coming out."
The page officially turned with Patterson, 16, celebrating atop her coach's shoulders and Khorkina, 25 and competing in her third and final Olympics, waving to the crowd as she left the floor, beaten by .176 points. Patterson, from Allen, Texas, totaled 38.387 in the four events and Khorkina 38.211. China's Nan Zhang won bronze (38.049).
Courtney Kupets of Gaithersburg, Md., finished ninth, obviously hampered by a muscle pull in her right leg.
Khorkina, who beat Patterson out of the gold at last year's world championships in Anaheim, Calif., relinquished her throne reluctantly, if not defiantly.
"I'm still Olympic champion," said Khorkina, the three-time world all-around champion who has won two Olympic golds in bars. Asked to explain, she added, "I'm saying I'm twice an Olympic champion. If somebody doesn't know, I was an Olympic champion in Atlanta and Sydney."
But that was then, and this is now. Patterson, sitting next to her in the interview room, looked quizzically at the rival she beat, then turned away and smiled. This was her moment, her time, her stage and no one could take it away now.
"I don't even know what to say right now I'm so happy," she said. "I've dreamed of this my whole life. It's amazing."
So was she.
Patterson came into the competition the top qualifier, but she displayed uncharacteristic cracks in her armor with sub-par showings in the vault and bars in the U.S.'s silver effort in the team finals two nights earlier.
Then she opened the all-around with a crooked landing on the vault and a score of 9.375 that placed her eighth. Her coach, Evgeny Marchenko, took her aside. "I told her, 'It's OK,'" he said. "It's only the beginning. Don't worry about scores, keep working."
The pressure was on, but Patterson rose to the top of the U.S. program with pressure performances. She embraced the challenge, and tore a page out of Hamm's golden comeback.
"I know about Paul Hamm's story and his comeback," she said. "And I knew if I could hit the best routines I would have a chance."
She moved into fourth with a 9.575 score on bars, then put Khorkina in her rearview mirror with a stunning 9.725 on the beam.
That set the stage for the final event of the night, the floor exercise which is one of her strengths. She watched Khorkina score a 9.562 and prance off.
Patterson had to wait through two more performers. That left her as the final competitor on the floor, a pressure-cooker position with the gold on the line. She needed 9.573 to win, and she nailed a nearly flawless 9.712.
"She proved she's the one who can handle the pressure," said Marchenko.
When the winning score flashed on the scoreboard overhead, she leaped into Marchenko's arms and cried.
"There was a lot of emotion there," he said. "It's been a tough, long road."
Patterson emerged from the pack of U.S. women gymnasts the last 18 months and drew comparisons to Retton from Martha Karolyi. She arrived at the Games with her leaping split on 70 million McDonald bags � and delivered the goods Thursday.
"She loves the crowd," said Kupets.
"She is so mentally tough," said Martha Karolyi.
The clutch performance left her casting her own shadow in gymnastics.
"This means a whole lot," she said. "I worked all my life to be an Olympic champion. All the work paid off."
It paid off on the biggest stage in the world, against Khorkina, one of the most decorated gymnasts in history with five Olympic and 20 world medals won in her career.
Marchenko soaked in the moment.
"It's sweet revenge," he said. "We've been waiting all year to do this. I know Svetlana is a great gymnast. She made a statement in the world forever. But Carly said her words tonight."
They rang loud and clear. And royally.
USA Today - Article
-----------------------------
She did it! I saw her on vault, uneven, balance beam, floor....but I passed out before I saw who got what. YES! This IS my favorite event at the Olympics, and I had to fall asleep. Anyway, congratulations Carly! Whoooo hoooooo! Nicely done! =)
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Accidents DO happen....
Yeah, especially when you're shaving blind. Man! This morning...blood everywhere in the shower, and it kept stinging and stinging. ARGH!! And i've been having problems typing all day...
I guess it doesn't really matter since our network was down at work (again--didn't kick back in till 3 p.m. [thank god]). Besides, after lunch all I was doing was playing with my cam. ;)
And since I can't really type, look what I did...
That was taken the night before I left the bay, and started my life down in Southern California. ahhhhh, the memories...
That was taken the night before I left the bay, and started my life down in Southern California. ahhhhh, the memories...
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
i'm stronger than i look..
but when you hit that spot, i'll bleed...or break down (either one really). i used to think i was invincible, that no one could break down the walls that i created...i would cry for no one. but you know, the older i get...the more emotional i have become. sucks i tell you.
my body has been breaking down too, i have sprained my ankle at least once for the past 2 or 3 years...and i got a charlie horse after running sometime last year. i found out this year that my cholesterol is getting a tiny bit high, and i'll eventually get diabetes since it runs in my family (and i love that sugar in my coffee).
maybe in highschool i would cry after every boy that broke my "heart", then in college i started to define anything that had to do with the heart as a "concept". i think that has carried on to today. it's a very well guarded part of me, and good thing too...people like to try to rip it apart.
maybe that's why i am the way i am now, especially with my friends. i try to protect them, i won't lie to them...i like being straight with them (now). if something is really bothering me now, i'll say it (i'll watch my verbage of course, but in the end i'll get my point across). but i'm very loyal to those that i consider friends, especially my best friends and good friends. nothing can come between that...nothing. that of course makes me sensitive to everything...so if somethings going on with them, i try to make sure they know i'm there for them (no matter what--distance means nothing to me!) and if i think somethings wrong between us, then i'll try to fix whatever it is (even if really there's nothing--it's my daymn imagination i tell you).
so lately i think i've been on "ultra-sensitivity mode", i don't know why...it just started popping up lately. all my insecurities have started to surface, and i know i'm faulty (i'm working on it), my "paranoidness" has started setting in...i'm learning how to "let go" of things. sometimes i feel that it get's too much, i start to get "emotional" (no you bastards...it's not PMS). it's hard to explain, sometimes i just want to shut everyone out--other times i want to let everyone in. but no matter what, i have learned to speak my mind. sometimes i feel like i'm ganging up on someone, being too sensitive to things that i think are going on--but at the same time i feel like i'm pushing them away while doing that. maybe i do that on purpose (not a test or anything), it's just i have to make sure (otherwise it'll just eat at me to no end).
it's weird really. but just know that i'm working on it. it's really hard when my imagination starts playing tricks on me, i have these vivid dreams with some people (to the point that i start questioning if these things happened--or not--or if they're "premonitions" [which really scares me]). hard to explain really. i start to distance myself, or bring myself closer, or stay in the middle. sometimes i feel like a yo-yo. sometimes i think i'm doing it to find a way out (even when i know i'm still in it). i guess i've had to much time on my hands (can't wait till school starts--half a week to go!)
i don't know. it's usually just easier to let things go, completely. shut the door. walk away. but for some reason, i can't walk. something holds me to where i am. i'm on pause.
but at the same time, i'm doing new things. trying to open up, but remembering the past (trying not to make those same mistakes). but while remembering everything, little things here and there start to re-surface and those insecurities start to pop up here and there. i know, i've been through a lot--everyone has. these past few years have been really trying on the soul. but, i am still standing...and i'm going for my goals (as most of you know i'm very goal oriented).
i might not be all together here, and some of you might think i've completely lost my mind. yes, i do think the worst (and i'll come up with the worst possible senario)...it's just that it's been really bad, and every time i made a bet with myself on something bad--it comes true. well maybe i haven't won all the bets i made with myself, but a good number of them i have. those that i lost, i have learned to let go...those that i won, well...still working on it. that's when the yo-yo set's in, and it starts my never ending cycle.
but seeing that i'm still around, still on my own, and my ankle's haven't been sprained lately...i think for the most part, i'm alright. i've learned to live with some things, other things i have sadly let go. but the things that i have now, i hold dear to. i will protect everything and everyone as much as i can. i might be silent, i might just watch. but when i speak, please listen. sometimes i don't even have to say a word--just hear me out. don't talk over me, don't push me out of your way, and don't push me. don't give me a label, i've already given myself one.
i'm figuring things out for myself, and i'm trying to not break me in the process (nothing else has). so yeah, i am stronger than i look. i'm finally realizing that. my silver lining is starting to appear. i'm just taking it day by day. i still have hope, i hold that the dearest...above all else.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
ROSCOE'S!!
that was the best shot from the night (after all the testing we did with her during the night). we tried night mode, but regular mode w/ timer worked pretty daymn good right? so yeah, this was my first night to use my little pentax. she rocks man!
wanna see more? *click* *click*
so yeah, i'm pretty daymn full. roscoe's was not good for my cholesterol, but the company was so good...and i met YANO! i'm really glad you came out & had our "traditional" la "irc" din din. so it was a most lovely night for myself. good conversation, and tons of laughs. man, we might not be irc'n any more, but we're still meeting years later! ha!
so thanks guys for comin out & thanks for testing my new cam out w/ me!
when your imagination takes over your mind...
and you can't separate it from reality (or don't want to)...then you're in trouble. do you ever think up situations and start believing them to be true (like your imagination would create images--weird ass images/made you cry images)? i was doing that for the past few months. thinking the worst situation possible, and then i started to believe them to be true. but the more i go on, i find that none of it was true. i just have a problem of thinking the worst possible situation, and sometimes (well at least they used to) come true.
someone told me...if you think it, it will happen. so i'm going to try to think of positive thoughts. *sends good vibes out* i mean, to some point that is possible...but in my case it takes a lot of hard work and good vibes to make anything happen. but that is my theme isn't it?
my destiny = making things happen (no matter what).
it's just weird how i let all those different "images" take control of what was reality. then i went and told some people about these said "images" and they encouraged me to go the other way (not deal--fly far away), after all not like there was anything really "there" *shrug* (or maybe they just wanted me to open up another door). i don't know. it's just weird how some things panned out. maybe the next time "images" start poppin in i won't go to everyone else, and just the one the "images" are about. *shrug* sometimes i don't know about what people say to me (like they have an ulterior motive)...the ones that don't know me that well that is. then again sometimes the ones that do know me sometimes say the oddest things that throw me off even more. i don't know. i'm probably just babbling.
or maybe when i have questions, i should just ask...or when i have problems (instead of questioning myself or asking for advice) i'll just go straight to the source (cut off the middle man) and deal. that seems to work, well at least lately. it's just sometimes my mind can play the weirdest tricks on me, and i'll just start believing them to be true...no matter how hard i try to fight it (it still does).
Monday, August 16, 2004
after you put everything in perspective...
you start having the time of your life.
thanks to everyone who stuck by me (especially when i went all psycho/depressed/blah). *hug*
you make me feel so beautiful...
beautiful
-faith hill
(Spoken:)
I love the way you stand in my way
You won't move 'til you get a kiss
And how you tell me that my name
It tastes so sweet on your lips
I love the way you hold me with your eyes
Hold me so tight that I can't move
It's like everything I've ever known is a lie
And you're the simple truth
Is it a dream or is it real?
All I know is you make me feel so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
You make me feel so beautiful (Feel like I could fly)
Beautiful (cross the clear blue sky)
Beautiful (Baby I could cry)
You make me feel so beautiful
(Spoken:)
I love how soft you touch my skin
Like you're touching the wings of a butterfly
I wish we could just lock ourselves away in a room
Where there was no such thing as time
I've never let anyone get this close
I've always been afraid
But you break down every wall and I feel so safe
Every part of who I am
Is so in love cause what I have is beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
You make me feel so beautiful (Feel like I could fly)
Beautiful (cross the clear blue sky)
Beautiful (Baby I could cry)
You make me feel so beautiful
Beautiful...
You make me feel so beautiful (When you touch my face)
Beautiful (When you say my name)
Beautiful (Always find the way)
You make me feel so
Beautiful
-----------------
a lot has to do with my imagination, but you know...things come and go in my mind. (even though these things that go on in my mind have never actually happened--its just one of many things i think about.) little things that happen make me smile, and i hold dear to those little things. i know things haven't been that great for me, but i'm trying to find the silver lining to everything...i think i found it (or am getting closer to it). but i do feel better...taking it day by day.
school starts next week. i'm really looking forward to it. time's gonna pass with a quickness, and before you know it...i'll be re-applying to east coast schools (well just one re-apply--the others i'm still debating on). so far 2004 has had it's up's and downs...but i'm also getting closer to all my friends (both here and there), i'm really liking that part about this year. i wish i had more money, so i could do a trip out east...but i don't have any time till next year (so i'm better off saving money for when i go check out apts and all that). man. i just wanna get out of la, just tired of it...and i'm not ready to go home yet. a masters would be nice, then i could finally do something that i want to do...not just something that i kind of fell into.
i'm liking the person in the mirror more and more. maybe i was just experiencing "cabin fever", or perhaps i was just tired of doing nothing (going absolutely no where). i'm glad i'm taking this next step. i'm finally doing things for me, not just for the money either...for me.
i know, i'm babbling. i'm just glad i have everyone that's around me. i miss you all so very much, and i look forward to seeing everyone (hopefully very soon). school schedule's gonna screw me up--so patience please...just know that everyone is in my thoughts....
*mwah* & *HUG*
Sunday, August 15, 2004
babygirls back...
babygirls ass looks daymn good! the dude who hit me, did a good job. she's hot once again! whoooo ha!
---------------
i've been playing with my new toy...pentax optio s4 *sigh* she is friken hot! so i must thank louie for telling me about his sis's cam. so thin! fits even in my smallest purse! she rocks! i'll be testing her out on tuesday when we all have dinner with yano.
---------------
and i started a new workout schedule. hehehe daymn school is interrupting with my workout schedule, so i gotta work around it. i started this week (also they're re-doing the aerobics room floor so step is cancelled for 2 weeks), so i've been running my ass off and lifting again. i'm already feeling the burn.
so yeah, i figure this will keep me busy. school/volunteer work, work, and gym. i am most definitely going to be busy. i gotta focus on getting a's so i can get into rutgers in the fall. ahhh, can't wait till it all begins. one more week!
Friday, August 13, 2004
stressed out?
yeah, i think so. stress, negativity, rear-ending...i think everythings been building up. after talking to some of my people this afternoon/night i realized how unnecessary it all is. i apologize for this. you didn't deserve it, no one does...i'm going to try to fix this. i'm gonna try to be how i used to be--before all the negativity started to surface.
maybe my past has been resurfacing (not the people, just the issues), finding it's way back into my mind...thinking the worst possible situations--and having them come true. i know, not supposed to bring the past into the present. (i'm gonna have to keep telling that to myself--until it sticks!)
my body has also been acting funky (cholesterol and all), pain in my thighs (gotta keep on running). it never used to hurt this much, i never had heart burn before--but i did this week!
i gotta get back to my happy place. i was happiest when i was being the gym bunny that i was...gotta get back into the habit (and it's good for my health!)
i'm gonna fix this. i'm gonna get back to normal. i'm just glad my people are still around. i guess they have as much faith in me, as i do in them.
and ima keep this in mind--that a friend pointed out to me..."because if you spend too much time and effort worrying about those other things you're not even sure about, you'll totally miss out on enjoying what you already have."
i think it's because of my past that i'm like this. i know you learn from your past, but sometimes the past kinda fucks you over and messes with your head--then you believe that, that that's how you are (when really it's the complete opposite). weird how you realize things. guess it's been haunting me. but no more. didn't break me back then, and it won't now.
taking it day by day now. working on gettin' to my happy place. thank you for being there with me, cause you know my ass is there for you (all of you).
Thursday, August 12, 2004
babygirl got smacked on the ass AGAIN!!
so i was on hollywood & highland, fully stopped...light just turned green--we all go. a truck cuts in front of two cars in front of me, we stop...except for the guy behind me. baymn! i heard it, felt it a little...now my head hurts. pulled into the parking lot at BK, got the info (but i should have gotten more--i know). turns out he works at honda, so he's gonna fix her all up. i hate this.
doctor apt tomorrow morning at 8:30. maybe she can give me something to make my headache to go away...
this is the 3rd time i've gotten rear ended, first time was in the sentra (really bad), 2nd time i wasn't even in the car--i just watched as she was slammed into the wall (and a .5 for when the bitch rammed into me in the parking lot and stayed there), and now this. always on the ass. what the hell man? i just don't get it...
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
kobe bryant updates...
here's this fascinating link that i've been looking at over the past few weeks...
abc news - kobe bryant - latest news
i just wanted to share with ya'll...you can read the civil complaint on there!
man, i hope he'll be able to play next season....
-----------
[side note] daymn, i'm writing a lot more now....
don't sweat the small stuff...
i think some of the things i'm going through is a test. who's test? i don't know, but i think the universe is sending out "tests" to see if i can handle the bigger things that will eventually be thrown in my path.
do you think that's possible? that before you take that "giant leap", little things here and there are thrown in your path...and depending on your reaction--the next thing will be thrown your way (and so on and so on). do you think that God (or whomever/whatever you believe in) in his/their own way will test you before you go to wherever you're meant to be? or do? or become?
because if that's the case, i think i'm doing just fine. little things (stupid, stupid litte things) keep being thrown in my path...and although they irritate the hell outta me--i'm learning to let go. i see the bigger picture, and the good outweigh the bad (so far)...so i think i'm good.
it's all a learning process right? although, i do love the litte things, i'm not gonna sweat the small stuff...it's just not worth it. especially if in the end, i'm where i wanna be (doing exactly what i'm meant/want to do).
it's all relative. besides, it's a new day. =)
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
happy birthday wishes...
happy birthday jayce!!! i so wanted to do this earlier (and wish you a happy day early on)...at least i texted right? hehe
so yeah, hope ya'll had fun at hopkee.
happy birthday!! =)
Monday, August 09, 2004
i'm tired...
have you ever wished you can be transported into a different place with just a snap of your fingers? or perhaps you wish that your closet opens up to narnia? i wish that all the time. i want to be transported somewhere, that's not here. maybe that's why i'm pushing so bad to go far far away, i know i'll be away from those that love me...but i'm just not ready to go home.
sometimes i want to disappear...just for a little bit. or maybe for a long time, who knows! i'm just tired of how things are, how they've come to be. how i've let some things become the way they are. it's cumbersome at times.
i know i shouldn't let things like this bother me (as some good friends have told me recently)--i actually promised to try not to let it all bog me down. i just get in a funk sometimes, and i don't know how to get myself out of it. i mean, i'll be in it, get out of it, then i'm back into it...it's a vicious cycle. i hate it.
sometimes i just really want to pick up and go. go, far far away. maybe that's why i want to go off so badly. or maybe it's cause my dad has me trained, that i have to move every five years (well, until i find my place in the world that is).
maybe i'm just searching for where i belong, and this place that i'm at is just a pitstop. maybe things happened the way that they did, so i know what to do (or not do) the next time around. lessons learned, yeah...i would say so.
i'm just really really tired. i know things will pick up, they always do. i want to learn how to break vicious cycles. i want to learn what it is that makes me happy, brings me to a higher level.
i want to feel a completeness. i know, one of these days right? i think i'm ready for my next step.
the voice within...
sometimes it's good to listen to what others have to say about certain subjects, but i have come to the realization (with some help ;) ) that when it comes right down to it...the decision is mine to make. no matter what anyone else says, or tries to influence me in any way...it's not their decision to make.
i just wish some people would listen to me--as much as i listen to them. is that so hard to do? i mean, when it comes down to it....my decision is the one that matters right? especially if i'm the one going through it.
Saturday, August 07, 2004
for all you who use ipod for PC
if you're like me and would like to use your ipod to it's "full" capacity (or want to use all the options it comes with), use this. i have been searching the net for something like this, and i finally found it!
now i'm using my "pod" like a "palm"...it's so cool. but i'm not using the "isync" with my "contacts", i saved all those individually as vCards and just copied them into my "pod's" folder. but the "sync" works wonders with the calendar, it's just outlook was being a little bitch getting everything exactly the way i wanted it.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
scheduling problems...
so i had to work out a work schedule to work with the classes i wanted to take at UCLA. well, that didn't happen. so when i finally came to grips with that, i looked into CSUN. i found 2 perfect classes that start late, and CSUN isn't too terribly far from work. so i emailed the dean of admissions at rutgers with the class synopsis of each class, so i could see if they were okay for me to take. and while waiting for her response i worked out my schedule with my boss, he took it to the partners and BAYMN...new work schedule for me.
so i called the dean this morning to verify my classes, and she said they would be very good for me to take...and and and she said she wanted to take one of those classes to. so yeah. everything worked out. and...one of the classes may be transferable once i get into the program as an elective.
i already emailed the prof's of the classes to get a syllabi of each, got one response...still waiting on the other. at least they know i'm interested in taking their classes (and why), i'm just hoping all the upper div students are all taking morning (or afternoon) classes-so the night classes will be open for us working people to take. ;)
hope everyone's doing good. you're always always always in my thoughts. *mwah* *hug*
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: WO
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs, but known to vary from 85 to 550 lbs.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
Surface often covered with painted film.
Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
Melts if given correct treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various stages ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
Has a great affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no apparent reason. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
The greatest money reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES:
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be a great aid to relaxation.
TESTS:
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
HAZARDS:
Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
Illegal to possess more than one.
Extremely volatile when disposing of, regardless of level of caution and care exercised.
CONCLUSION:
While this element is highly unpredictable in its behavior, there is no other known element in the universe to replace it. Despite the hazards listed above, it is highly sought after and irreplaceable. Without it, the element known as MAN would cease to exist in its present state. In fact, it would cease to exist altogether.
got this one from mike. thanks man!
it says it all in the conclusion...
Sunday, August 01, 2004
my findings...
so this is what i've been doing since i got my computer back (i promised one of my bests that i'd do this). so all weekend i've been staring at my screen, checking out other schools...but i think so far i'm still going to focus on rutgers (i am working with the dean of admissions to get in).
right now, i'm taking a break...my eyes are hurting! although, i am diggin' excel more (i think i just like my new version--even though i've had it, i finally had an excuse to use it).
so there you have it. i'm still going to look into these schools (since i got the time), oh and i'm still looking into those classes at UCLA (someone keeps adding into that class i want--they need to stop already!!).
oh and just to let ya'll know, in the fall...i'm going to the #11 ranked grad school for social work. see, there IS a silver lining. =)
Saturday, July 31, 2004
blessed are the forgetful:
for they get the better even of their blunders.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
how happy is the blameless vestal's lot! the world forgetting, by the world forgot. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
-Alexander Pope
constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating...
finally saw the movie again, now i want it on dvd (add it to my giant collection). it's an interesting concept when you think about it. permanently take out memories from your mind, to completely erase someone...to never feel pain from them again. but erasing the pain, you also erase the good things (and the lessons learned). i don't think it'd ever go through with that type of process (or procedure), but just think if it were possible. i mean, i know i've forgotten bits and pieces here and there...selective amnesia if you will. it's just interesting to think about.
but if you watched the movie, it also shows you don't know what you have until it's gone (or almost) at the same time. makes you stop and think, always re-thinking everything that you did...or want to do. second guessing yourself. sucks though. i always end up in that cycle, a never ending depressing cycle--that i hope one day to break...
the big "3 0"
so shannie finally turned the BIG "3 0"!! hehe yeah, she's finally "old". yeah i know 30's not that old (since i'm 6 months older than her), i just like reminding her whenever i get the chance. =)
so here's some pic's from her birthday brunch. *click* *click* enjoy! not too much, i was concentrating on all the eating (even if some people don't believe i actually eat =P)
so happy birthday girlfriend! i luv ya! *MWAH*
oh and yes, computer is back baby!! thank you louie!! she's all reformatted & trojan free! she's running way fast, better than ever! of course i had to get all my mp3s off the ipod (so my 16 disks of crap, was a waste), but i was able to save everything else on separate disks...so i'm all good. i think i put everything that i had back on...anyway, thank you thank you to all of you who helped me in my time of troubles. it is much appreciated. *mwah*
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
my new path
the dean of admissions to the masters program at rutgers called me. the only thing holding me back for admissions is my grades. so she told me what to do, and i already started looking into it.
i'm going to take ucla extension classes and hopefully get a 4.0, then i can re-apply, re-write a new personal statement, and send my new transcripts over to rutgers and hopefully be accepted.
so that's the plan, i have my path set now. so come fall quarter...i'm back in school. maybe not where i wanted to be, but i'm on my way.
Another Way to Look at Things...
* You have the capacity to choose what you think about. If you choose to think about past hurts, you will continue to feel bad. While it's true you can't change the effect past influences had on you once, you can change the effect they have on you now.
* The best way to forget your own problems is to help someone else solve theirs.
* Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.
* You can't base your life on other people's expectations.
* One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks.
* Getting people to like you is simply the other side of liking other people.
* You maybe disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.
* The only people you should ever want to get "even" with are those who have helped you.
* Pride is tasteless, colorless and sizeless. Yet it is the hardest thing to swallow.
* God gave us two ears but only one mouth. Some people say that's because He wanted us to spend twice as much time listening as talking. Others claim it's because He knew that listening was twice as hard.
* Shared joy is double joy and shared sorrow is half-sorrow.
* The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
* If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
* The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
* Fall seven times, stand up eight.
* An open mind collects more riches than an open purse.
* You can make more friends in a month by being interested in them than in ten years by trying to get them interested in you.
* Be kind. Every person you meet is fighting a hard battle.
* The manner in which it is given is worth more than the gift.
* An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything.
* You can either complain that rose bushes have thorns - or rejoice that thorn bushes have roses.
* * * *
got this from one of my friends, bolded the ones that i really, really liked. i know i'm the forward queen, and i don't always forward them to everyone...but i just thought i'd share this one with ya'll.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
in anticipation...
so this week i've been trying to find out what the deal is with rutgers. i've called, and checked the website a million of times....they know as much as i do. hurry up committee!! let me know what the deal is!
i have some people telling me to breathe, and calm down...and i have others telling me to keep calling and demand an answer. and i have others still that keep asking me that question...have you heard anything yet? arrgghhhhh, makes me want to pull out my hair!! if only sjsu didn't take so daymn long getting my transcripts to me--i would have known by now!
so to prepare (in case the psychic is right), i've already filled out my fasa forms for financial aid, and i'm looking into apts (thanks to ver7igo's suggestion--since no one else knows the area). this is also in case there is no housing available on campus (i really hope there is *cross-fingers*).
man, all this waiting is killing me! all i know is, if accepted (although i really should say when--keeping the good vibes and all)...august will be hell. but you know, in the end i'm gonna be a hell of a lot happier. i might be in the hole, but i'll be happy.
oh and also to save money, i've been bringing my lunches (more like, i'm in the process of finishing all the food in my freezer). yesterday this chicken was just nasty to me, but today....man it's the bomb!!!
Thursday, July 22, 2004
happy birthday to one of my bestest friends!!
even though you probably won't check this....happy birthday lady!! *mwah* you're FINALLY 30!!
love you!!
*mwah*
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
standing still
sometimes you have to pick your battles, and know when to fight, stand still, or move on. this is a very valuable lesson to learn. you can't always be fighting (cause you won't always win), and you can't stand still forever (no one should ever go through that), but you have to at least try before you move on (otherwise it was just a waste of your time).
i suppose standing still is neither here or there, it's kind of like being invisible. feeling like you're being treated as if you don't exist, even if you are...at the same time. really hard to explain i know. sometimes it's a good thing, but in this case...i think it's bad. you feel like a "toy" that's been disregarded, thrown in the corner...covered by dust. or a book, the pages are yellowing, creases all over...yet you have no interest in reading it ever again. so it goes to the bottom of the pile, with books on top of books...lost without a trace. or an old model, sitting on your book case...covered with dust. just there. doing nothing. standing still. out of sight, out of mind.
so what do you do when you've been standing there for so long? you walk away. there is only so much you can do, you can put up with, before you feel that you can't do anything. you can only be "understanding" for so long, before you lose yourself and your "ideals" in the process.
granted, you don't lose all the time, and before the battle...it was interesting, intriguing, wonderful, and at times beautiful...sometimes you just have to realize that it's best to let go. stand still. or simply walk...
Monday, July 19, 2004
The Sicilian Defense...
from the Semi-Open Games and unlike the Open games, does not share typical formations. The Sicilian is the sharpest defense because after 1. e4 c5, the symmetry is already broken but the battle for the center is not conceded.
have i ever told you all that i HATE chess?
**edit: i forfeit.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
psychic predictions
so, some of you know that i spoke with a psychic a week or so ago. i got the tape of the "session" exactly a week after, and i listened to it again. that was just the weirdest feeling...it sounded like two entirely different people (not at all like it was me and lysa speaking).
one thing came true (so far) that she has predicted, except, it was off a bit...she told me to look at my front right tire. well, it was my front left tire. i went to get my alignment this weekend, and apparently i got a screw in the left and it only had 13 lbs of air in it. i knew it looked a little low, but my bro put less air in the front than the back--so that's what i thought it was.
she already had particular "names" right, but even before i spoke to her i was keeping my distance (i should have been keeping my distance--but you live and you learn), it was just funny to hear her get THAT name right.
i won't be able to see if the second part of it's right for maybe a few weeks, and the third part of it would probably be a few months after that (we talked about three sections and extra's). it was kinda of more in the line of "predictions", as opposed to people or things in my life.
but we did discuss "reasoning" of my wanting to move. how she believed deep down that i'm going for a "bigger reason" and not for the "cherry" on top (heh, if you only knew). how the "catalyst" got me there, but is not the reasoning for me going...but without the "catalyst" i wouldn't be so focused as to going to grad school, or moving for that matter.
i know some people feel or felt like going to the psychic was a waste of my time and money, but i got a lot out of it....and i've never been to a psychic before (it was really cool). this whole year has been a year of "doing" things, as opposed to just "talking" about it. i've been talking about everything long enough, i'm actually doing everything i've been talking about for the past few years.
i just hope the first half of what she said comes true soon, the other half i'm willing to work on it...but keeping in mind what she had to say also...
Saturday, July 17, 2004
you got the makings of greatness in you,
but you gotta take the helm and charge your own course, stick to it...no matter the squabs. and when the time comes you got the chance to really test the cut of your sails, and show what you're made of...well i hope i'm there catching some of the light coming off you that day.
~treasure planet
Friday, July 16, 2004
i'm still here
by: Johnny Reznik
I have a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard.
All a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway?
You don't know me,
And I'll never be what you want me to be.
And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, not a man.
You can take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They're the ones that stay the same.
They don't know me,
'Cause I'm not here.
And you see the things they never see,
All you wanted, I could be,
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid,
And I wanna tell you who I am.
Can you help me be a man?
They can break me,
As long as I know who I am.
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They're the ones that stay the same.
They can't see me,
But I'm still here.
They can't tell me who to be,
`Cause I'm not what they see.
And the world is still sleepin',
While I keep on dreamin' for me.
And their words are just whispers,
And lies that I'll never believe.
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can they say I never change
They're the ones that stay the same.
I'm the one now,
`Cause I'm still here.
I'm the one,
`Cause I'm still here.
I'm still here.
I'm still here.
I'm still here.
* * * * *
this is just the song going through my head, at the moment....
too much things going on up in there, it's like a war zone. but no matter what happens, or what anyone says, or thinks...i'm still here. (that was so friken gay) but as the saying goes, what doesn't break you . . . makes you stronger.
**edit: oh and btw, i hate this new blogger "post" option, it screws up my "template" every time i have to change something. it just makes me do double work, they should give you an "option" to see if you want any other "options".
Thursday, July 15, 2004
a watched pot never boils
so i was doing what has turned into my "daily" check on rutgers website to check my "status", and after inputting everything i hit "submit"...then it happened, a stupid glitch! saying i came to that site because i might not have paid (but i did, i have the receipt to prove it!). i was freaked! so i closed the window & opened up a new one, went back, inputted...and there it was..."no decision". whew! that's better than them not having my info right? although, it would be nice to have "accepted" instead of "no decision". but that just goes to show me, patience! so i have to keep telling myself...a watched pot never boils (at least that was going through my head after that whole "incident" happened).
so to answer everyone's question, no i have not yet received my acceptance (or otherwise) letter. i should be receiving some sort of correspondence before the end of the month, so please don't ask. it's kind of like asking me when i'm getting married and having kids, it invokes that same type of feeling when asked that question. so i'll just do this, when i find out...everyone will know. =)
* * * *
and for the girlies...especially if you like your hair stick straight like mine, get this!! believe me girls, i have tested this bad boy and it rocks! i don't even have to wet my hair, shoooot, i can shower...air dry--then straighten it...and it looks just like the jennifer aniston look that i've been going for! it'll also be good for when i go back to school, less maintenance in the morning. ;)
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
good days gone bad....
so i was having an alright kind of day. work kinda breezed by, and i was pretty much happy. (of course after my lunch time venting--but it's all good.)
so yeah, i was late as usual to step class. you try getting from century city to burbank in under an hour (with construction on olive avenue!!). but i wasn't too late, i still was able to get steps to get my step on.
it was actually a pretty good class, got all the steps down, turning turning, step up, left, right...i had fun. then it came down to the stretching. i turned and this girl was just glaring at me, straight doggin me! some new girl, doesn't even come that often...just was straight doggin! maybe she's mad that i come in late and know all the steps, or perhaps she saw my tats and thinks i belong to some gang...whatever the case, that was just uncalled for. and she noticed me noticing her, and she just looked away. that didn't look like a look of concentration. and right after class, she straight got her shit and booked. normally i notice she lingers a bit, but not today. maybe she does this all the time, i don't know...i was just really offended. i know i don't talk that much, i just come...step, do abs, stretch, then go. but maaaaaaaaaaannnnnn....
when i first got the newest tat everyone tried touching it, and was all asking me about it. no one ever started doggin me, i mean we all talked about having tat's done. but no one has ever made me feel like i wanna say something back to match that offensive look. eh, whatever.
and then i got home and got my cingular celly bill. did you know that for 6 minutes of answering/talking on my phone in rosarito, it cost me almost 20 bones? 6 minutes! only 6 minutes! cingular sucks ass. i swear man, when i move i'm going to change my plan to smaller minutes, take off the internet...and try to make it to the end of my plan and switch to t-mobile or something. i would change to verizon, but their phones suck ass.
so yeah, i know it didn't go like super super bad...but man i was really offended! step class is like my turf. she sometimes would go the wrong way and crash into me. or take a break and not move, and be in the way. and that other girl...don't get me started!
i'm not even hungry. i know my "diet" sucks ass too. whatever, i'm going to go and enjoy my strawberry, french cheesecake. hmmm, perhaps i can finish the rest of the cake (even though i told myself i would take all week to eat it). eh, whatever. i already blew my "diet" earlier when i popped in some truffles & sucked down on my butterscotch lolly from sees. i love me some sees....
burning bridges
you know how some of your "friends" are there for a reason, season or lifetime? well i suppose i have some "reason" friends & some of them are getting on my last nerve. you try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt right? then they go and say some shit that only the lowest of the low would ever say, something that they pulled straight out of their ass and thrown in your face.
i hate it when that happens.
but you value their friendship (you think), but things that they do just keep piling on and on and on. a neverending cycle if you will...a sad, sad cycle.
so to keep your sanity you "burn that bridge". am i a bad person for doing that? you try and try to make things work (relationship/friendship wise). you even let some of the their annoying habits not get to you, but it keeps piling on, and you keep making more excuses to everyone. then you get to the point where you say to yourself...what the hell am i doing? why is this person still in my life?
i've been asking myself that very question as of late. i still don't have any answers, yet i'm still around. they still annoy the fuck out of me, but i just smile and think...oh they'll get it, i have faith in them.
but WHY do i have faith in them? when they KEEP doing the thing that annoys me the most? i mean, a lot of my friends have "disappeared"...but the good ones, the good ones are still around. they're the ones asking me...what the hell are you doing? why the fuck is so and so still around, calling you, im'ing you? what the hell?
i have no answers. all i know is, i don't want to feel like i've wasted time getting to know someone, and being their friend...only to walk away. but i guess sometimes if that person repeatedly goes beyond those personal limits you have...there's a point where you need to cut your losses while you're still fairly ahead...and move on.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
tuesday bloody tuesday...
and the funny things people say
i think i want a "subheading" line added to my template. anyone know how to add that? anyway....so it was after step class last night and i was walking to the garage with one of my "steppers". he asked me what i was going to do, i replied....sleep. he goes, you know in new york they would go home and take a nap, then start clubbing at 1am, party till 5, go home then go to work at 7am (rinse, repeat). now mind you, i didn't even mention new york/jersey...or the fact that i'm hoping to move there next month (dammit, i want my acceptance letter already!!). he just started giving me tips on how "new yorkers" do the night life. i thought that was weird.
then before i left work i was talking to big boss...she asked me if i went to the company party this past saturday (i didn't), i gave her some excuse...even though i didn't really hang out with broski. she was all talking about how the office supply peeps went without the kiddies to play with, since i told her that i went to disney earlier in the year with lan and the kiddies...i didn't think i'd have any fun without them. *shrug* she was all, well next year you should go--if your brother doesn't come down again. all i said was we'll see, but in my head i was thinking....i might be leaving next month (*twiddles thumbs*).
i just think it's weird how some people are just randomly starting to talk to me, always asking how i am...how i'm doing. it's just weird. i know a few weeks, or maybe even a month ago they were all just letting me be (me and my quiet little self). but now, everyone is stopping by to talk to me (not just ordering me around). it's weird.
maybe i am in the alchemist, and i'm finally taking a notice of what's going around me rather than passively walking by. weird.
on 6th sense
my 6th sense thing is starting to bug again. i hope my aunt's okay...i'm surrounded by death (not me personally--but by my people). a dear, dear friend's lolo passed recently (your family is always in my thoughts & prayers), and random relatives are passing. i'm having thoughts again about people...it scares me when i do. sometimes it actually means something (especially when momma is having thoughts too). i think it's 'cause we're all getting older, and the older we get--the older they get. it's inevitable i know, it just sucks. but you know, things happen for a reason. they're in a better place (at least that's what i tell myself).
and on that "things happen for a reason" saying...do you ever wonder if this and this didn't happen, i wouldn't be here (or there)? or i wouldn't be thinking of this (or that). me and lan were discussing that the other day. if some things didn't happen, then some people would still be around us. but i think (we actually), that there is a bigger picture....or a "goal" if you will. and to get to this "goal" things have to happen (or leave....whatever), and no matter what it takes to get to this "goal" people will come or go. like "he/she" i.e. "god", "buddha", "higher entities", etc. has a master plan for all of us....and no matter what, we will all get there (even if it causes heartache, pain, numbness, etc.).
i felt a little better after that, like my reasoning (no matter what it is, or was) doesn't matter--cause whatever it is/was it got me to this point in my life. you know, things do happen for a reason...it's all the questions--not the answers. especially if people are blowing shit up your ass (what do THEY know anyway right?).
besides, no matter what it takes you will get to the "master plan"....everything always seems to fall into place. people always have their "opinions" on things, but that's all it is, not like it's actual "fact"-even if they think it is. god, if i had a dolla' for every time someone said they know it to be true because they're being "real" or whatever...i probably could pay for my out-of-state tuition based on that! yes, please tell me what you are, cause i probably couldn't figure it out on my own!
okay i'm rambling, i think i've said enough. enjoy peoples!
Monday, July 12, 2004
Nothing Gold Can Stay.
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
-Robert Frost
* * * *
*hug*
Saturday, July 10, 2004
new editions and testing
so i finally got around to test that pop up picture thing i asked yano about awhile ago when she was giving out html tips. took me a while, but there you have it! these are a few of my favorite pic's, with a few of my favorite people. next thing i have to figure out is...how do you center, and have my font flow rather than change colors...or whatever it decides to do at any given moment.
also, i've added a few links to my frequent hits - blogs & sites, and i also categorized everything (to make it easier for viewing--especially for downtime at work ;) ).
as you can see...my coloring changes after centering. i have no clue how to fix this, so today while waiting for people to call me it will be my mission to find out how to fix this!
oh and last night we went to see spiderman 2! movie rocks man. but as my bro put it, they had to put the 10 - 15yr love story of peter & mj into 2 movies, and the cg wasn't too over the top (he is after all a cartoon character). there's probably more i want to say about it, and there are some quotes that i loved from it...but i'm on a mission. i'll get back to this later.
hope everyone's doing good, you're always in my thoughts. *hug*
**edit: i fixed it, i fixed it!! but all the centering shows up only in netscape but not in explorer, guess i'm only partially fixed....
Friday, July 09, 2004
i'm still learning
[stolen from mel, who got it from mike.]
* * * * *
TO LOVE...
If you're afraid to love a person because of friendship, then you have choices: either to tell what you feel and let the love take place forever; or to hide the feeling under a friendship full of pretentions.
Love can never be so beautiful without friendship; one leads to another and the process is irreversible... the best of lovers are the greatest of friends!!!
Love doesn't have to have a happy ending because love doesn't have to end at all.
A man realized he wanted his love back not wanting to be hurt again. The girl said "no". The man cried out to God, "if it was meant to be, why did I lose her?" God replied, "You didn't lose her... you let her go!"
When you love someone, don't expect that person to love you back the same amount. One of you will be ahead, the other behind. It's either you catch up or the other waits.
When you love, its not for you to be understood but for you to understand; not for you to take but for you to be taken, to listen not to dictate; to sacrifice, not to demand; not to count nor measure but to love...
Love is not wondering how long it will last... love is wondering how long it will stay in your heart.
Think and take time to listen to your heart. Sometimes you need not ask yourself who you love more but ask who really makes you happy and who makes you feel loved.
People who are not willing to make a sacrifice are lying when they tell you they love you. The test of love is our capacity to sacrifice.
We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
Letting go of someone dear to you is hard but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you're weak; it only means that you are strong enough to let go.
To love is like playing the piano. First, you must learn to play by the rules. Then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.
One should not love just to fill in an empty space but to have someone to stay by his side to complete the missing piece in his life.
If you want to catch a butterfly, don't run after it. Instead, just sit down and open your hands. It will land on your palm when it needs a rest... that's the way to find love.
In love, never put yourself in a situation where you are not sure where you stand in a person's life. Never assume, never expect. So that if they choose to drop you, you have enough strength to move on...
* * * * *
a lot of these struck me pretty hard, so i thought i'd share. but yeah, i'm still learning how to love (again), how to open myself back up, and when to stand still. some of you know the deal, others....well it's okay that you don't. but i know in time i'll know which way i'm going, until then i'm fine as is...
Thursday, July 08, 2004
i will remember you...
By: Sarah McLachlan
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
* * * *
even though there's not much i can say...i've never been in your situation (although i wish i have), my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family (i only wish i could do more). i just wanted you to know that i'm thinking about you and your family, and praying that things will get better, and hoping that one day soon the light will shine and only happiness will come your way instead of the sorrow that has been crossing your path. *hug*
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
those were the days...
a year ago i was so carefree, didn't give a daymn 'cause there was always tomorrow. the closer things get (or seem to get) the more i think of what i haven't done yet, or what i want to do before eventually picking up and going. i know this is all premature, i'm just preparing myself just in case i get good news (you never know--i just like being prepared).
and to some i've become "different", or "distant"....sorry, just been really busy with all that is buzzing in my head. those that know me well, don't take it too personal--besides i've already started preparing them. i'm "focusing" on particular people....prioritizing if you will. and i'm assuming/accepted that everyone will (or mostly everyone) will understand.
i feel like i'm on some kind of deadline, like i gotta get this and this done by this date otherwise everything will fall apart. don't get me wrong, i thrive for this kind of thing--it is my essence. it's just weird going through it all again. the nervousness, the excitement....all the possibilities. i also feel like i gotta schedule everyone in (too bad i never got the replacement calendar for my day runner--like i ever use that thing anymore), i do have to make plans with all my bay area people (i actually was told i MUST).
i mean if i don't go now, that just means that i have a year to take care of things as opposed to two months. that does sound appealing mind you, but two months sounds way better. it's a rush, and i know some of you don't understand...but it's okay--you don't have to.
i miss the days that i just did whatever, whenever. now i'm saving whatever i can, bringing lunches, not going out (again). i'm actually preparing myself for when i'm going to be a starving student again (maybe i'll lose even more weight). heh. i really can't wait, it's like when i first moved to la...that kind of excitement. i mean sure, i would like to move 3,000 or so miles away from home to try something new, it's scary--but i think i'm ready for it.
those that oppose me can stay the hell away. the engine started a while ago, and i'm finally doing it (hopefully anyway). those that had no faith, step. and yes regardless when...i'm still going (so please don't get in the way--or try to make me feel bad).
i know some people were laughing at me thinking i'd never amount to anything...but look at me now man. i might not have the house, or the family car (or the gigantic ring on my finger)...but i'm not settling for anything. all you non-believers stay away, cause one way or another i'm going to get my masters....and i'm going to make a difference in this daymn world. no matter how big, or how small the dent is...i'm gonna do it. you might not think so, but i do...and that's all that matters.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
psychic talks
so call me retarded, mental or whatever--but i did it. i contacted the psychic, the author to psychic diaries....lysa mateau. we had a little "chat" today at my designated time. very, very interesting talk we had, some things i already knew about me (some not so much). we also discussed my brother alfrancis (who passed away at birth).
i was just fascinated how she was able to pull a bunch of stuff out. she told me that if she was right in front of me i would probably be laughing at her since she was physically pushing some people away (funny how she knew the right names to say too). and it was really weird when she was talking about my brother, like he was showing her things (since technically he never was able to talk)...and he has the first part of my daddy's name (he was mentioning or showing her two male's with the same name....just to show that he's out there. that in and of itself was weird. i mean, i can feel him around me sometimes...and at night i talk to him (even if i know i won't get any kind of verbal response), sometimes i see signs that he's there. one day i'll see him, but not anyday soon.
then we started talking about my future. she doesn't see me staying in the place i'm at now (and all i asked her was...am i moving?), she see's this as a good move for me. i know some people think i'm going for someone...but even she believes that THAT is NOT the reason. it was more of a "catalyst" for it, but not the reason. and if this "reason" weren't to occur, it would have taken me longer to get off my ass and do something about it. so regardless the reason, this is a good thing for me. this is something that i'm meant to do, so i'm glad i finally got around to do it....even IF some of you think otherwise...i know better (so do my girlies). she also said that my reasons for moving is two fold, one isn't my decision (has to do with an acceptance of something) and the second part is all me (whether or not to accept the acceptance).
i will also not be alone for the rest of my life, what happens with that will happen sometime in my future....but not here! so basically, la just isn't happening...it could happen in the east, or the bay (maybe even in the midwest)...but not down here.
she also pointed out some things in my personality that i have to get a control of, which slowly i am...babysteps, always babysteps. i'm growing and changing, but i don't move that fast you know. but she did say i grew alot in this past year. which, even though i've seen it (and it's been pointed out to me) it's always nice to hear.
so after my "chat" with lysa, shannon and i dissected it. first she got mad at me (i refused to tell her what i was doing at 6:30), then we went through it point by point. in the end we came up with, as long as i felt good about it--that i got something out of it, then it's all good.
i've NEVER been to a psychic or talked to one, never had my palm read, or anything like that. i do own some taro cards (yet, i don't know how to really read them), and i've "witnessed" a wigi board "reading"(?) on a halloween night during college sometime (the early years). so this was my first psychic "encounter", and i think it was good. will i do it again? who knows! all i know is that i'm glad i did it, glad i talked to her.
if you want to know more about her, check out her book psychic diaries, it's a good read. and if you do a reading with her, you get a recording on tape, so when i get my tape in the mail--you can bet your bottom dolla' ima dissect that shit.
i think i am content, i'm also very excited for my future. bring it on!
Monday, July 05, 2004
4th of july fun...
so home was fun, good times, good eats & seeing my people is always good. saturday i spent the majority of the day with with Lan and family. of course after i spent an hour with the watch repair dude as he cleaned up my watch & conversed with me. he told me the "gist" of his goings on (even if this was only the 2nd time i've been there). i felt like a counselor or something, but he was really cool...and he didn't charge me for my "maintenance" on "coachie" (i think that's what i'm naming her). but after all that, i headed over to Lan's and picked up her and the little miss and we headed over to the great mall to watch harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban (yes i know my 3rd time). afterwords we went to red ribbon, picked up the mango cake and went back to celebrate auntie's birthday. good food, but i think everyone drank too much. however, i didn't bust out the cam to take pictures of the little ones....they were having too much fun running around the house.
the next day was 4th of july, so i got into the car with my bro and we went mall hopping (had to get mom & dad's anniversary present before we headed up to rio vista--too bad we forgot it on the kitchen counter). then we FINALLY got around to head up to rio vista and enjoy the 4th of july bbq that my parents were preparing.
here's some pictures from the day! *click* *click* not so much, but i like sharing--so enjoy!
then this morning we went to breakfast early to celebrate kristy's birthday! so happy birthday kristy!
so now i'm back in lala land, tired and doing laundry. hope you all had a wonderful 3 day weekend! hope all is well on your side. take cares!
*mwah* & *hug*
Friday, July 02, 2004
home sweet home...
so the drive wasn't so so bad, getting through L.A. wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be (especially during rush hour). i especially liked the 152 when i was zooming in and out (love me those curves). anyway, i got all the crap out of my car that i brought home with me (and my room isn't all that packed--thanks bro!). so considering that my back seat had a shitload of crap...i made good time.
so now i'm in my bro's room (course he's at the girlies) & lola's asleep. it's so empty without my parentals and the doggie. it's okay though, i love being here...nothing like the bay area. i'm not even tired, considering i didn't get my usual starbucks before heading out.
but now i'll get to whole point of this post....i wanted to wish all of you a happy 4th! looks like i probably won't be around a computer on the 4th, and if my plans go through tomorrow i won't get on tomorrow either. so enjoy everyone! don't get too drunk, and if you do....please don't drive! i betcha bottom dolla' that there will be cops roaming the streets of wherever you are! so yah, enjoy the long holiday! i'm sure i'll have pictures to show you all come monday.
so yeah, i really wish i could be spending the "holiday" with some of you....but alas, we can't all have what we want right? i probably won't even make it to the bbq with lan, but ish all good meng. unless i get back in time....but we'll see. anyway, you all have a wonderful 4th of july weekend....i'm going to say hello to my bed.
adieu!
*hug* & *mwah*
Thursday, July 01, 2004
friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime....
People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime. When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love! is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
* * * * *
you know you have your "season" friends, and your friends for a "reason", but the ones i live for are the ones for a "lifetime". not all of those friends read this, but they know how much i value them. i mean the "season" friends are nice, but they never last all year long. i don't have much "reason" friends, even they don't have much of a lifespan...
those "lifetime" friends, those are the ones who'll be there. you can count on them, they can count on you....and regardless if you haven't talked to them in a while--they're still there. you can NEVER get rid of them, no matter what you do. believe me, i thought i lost some of them...but i didn't. and when i make a friend, and i believe in them--they never lose me. and the ones that are really good, good, bestest ever friends, they know when to push and when to step....THAT'S what makes a friend, and that is why i value each and every one of them. i LOVE you guys. *mwah*
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
im an evil genius!
You are an SEDF--Sober Emotional Destructive Follower. This makes you an evil genius. You are extremely focused and difficult to distract from your tasks. With luck, you have learned to channel your energies into improving your intellect, rather than destroying the weak and unsuspecting.
Your friends may find you remote and a hard nut to crack. Few of your peers know you very well--even those you have known a long time--because you have expert control of the face you put forth to the world. You prefer to observe, calculate, discern and decide. Your decisions are final, and your desire to be right is impenetrable.
You are not to be messed with. You may explode.
20 Questions to a Better Personality
* * * *
thanks for the test anna!! that really is me, so me. i LOVE personality tests, it's always nice to see what you end up with. evil genius, be afraid!! be very afraid. heh, i think that's kinda cool actually.
oh and this is the final (final!) version of the "burgandy scheme". i finally got it to look how i REALLY want it to look like (in both netscape & explorer). so let's see how long this one will last.
wow, i was busy today! 3 posts in one day? i haven't done that in a long long time!
i'm not a perfect person...
that line has been going through my head ever since i got to work, maybe it's cause that was the last song playing on the radio.
anyway. i'm sure as hell not perfect, but i know i'm friken anal! thanks to those who helped me decide on no boarders. kept putting them on, taking them off, on, off, on, off. as you can see....i decided on off.
and on the colors, those are my absolutely favorite colors in the world! and as jayce pointed out, those are the colors to rutgers (IT'S A SIGN). well, and they're also the colors of the niners...
i know i haven't really wrote anything of substance lately...just been my usual random self. which is good right? since i'm really friken random. i'm way random, crazy random. eh. which goes to show i'm not perfect, nor do i ever try to show or say that i am. i mean, we all are just trying to make it through the day...live our lives the best way we all know how right? like for instance, i've been in a weird ass mood funk. it's like, stay the hell away from me. i think it's just a "defense" for when i actually get things going, like it'll be easier for me to deal with things if i stay the way i am now.
i mean, i have made it a point to do things with all the people who have been there for me since day one (or close enough) since i really haven't been able to. and you know, there is only so much one person can do.
i know it's a bad "defense", but hey sometimes you gotta be on "d"....it helps you get through the good and bad times. it's like those daymn walls that grow with time, but it's a different kind of wall. no one wants to feel pain, so instead of dealing we all numb ourselves...we all know eventually it's going to happen--instead of dealing i go on "d".
i mean my walls really aren't that thick, and the "exceptions to the rule" always ALWAYS get through. no matter how far you think you push them, or how much you don't want to--they get through. and rather than stress over things, i've learned to deal with things. so i'm on "d". it's not that bad you know, i just keep a lot of stuff inside...sometimes i let it out, but most of the time it just stays buried in my subconscious.
but you know, no matter what i do the ones that mean the most will always be there. i might show my "feelings" in a "odd" way, or do things to prove to them i'm being "real", they're still there. regardless if i talked to you yesterday, or 3 months ago, or even a year ago...they're still there. i mean, i might not talk to some of my best friends for over a year, but the minute we get back together...it's as if you never left. i love that. everyone that means something, always does that with me (and me with them). priceless. it's a never-ending cycle...that i hope with some will break...
splish, splash...
or should i say, i feel like having some wine. HA! okay, did a few changes here and there. lemme know whatcha think. =)
i've been wanting to change this up for a while now, so for now...this will do. comments, suggestions? anyone? anyone?
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
shake me up & take a sip
| How to make a eileenjoy |
| Ingredients: 1 part intelligence 3 parts craziness 5 parts empathy |
| Method:Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little emotion if desired! |
randomness
for all capricorns
You are wise on your climb to the top of the mountain. The rest of the herd comes to rely on your leadership along rocky shores. You guide gently rather than using coercion. Your gift is to make the difficult look easy, encouraging others to conquer their fears. You are in a tremendous position of trust and power. Surround yourself with people who share your vision and complement your energy and enthusiasm.
quiz time!
Your soul is STEADFAST. You are a fiercely loyal person who would never cross a loved one. People always know they can rely on you and your dependability is well-known. You're probably a little on the quiet side, but your faithfulness is never doubted, and you always back up your kith and kin whether they want or need it or not. You are a dependable and trusted soul.
What Is Your Soul's Trait?
brought to you by Quizilla got that from bumblebootie...thanks girl! that is SO me (from what everyone tells me at least). please welcome!! in other news, introducing Seneca Delyn Samily...the newest addition to the family.
and here's her big sister Cienna...
show her the way young Cienna! they are the cutest little girls. i knew del's only gonna have girls, it's punishment for when he was a bad mofo back in the day. heheheh
* * * * *
so that is all for now. i have a bunch of random thoughts spinning through my head, once i figure everything out i'm sure i'll let all of you know. but for now this will do...i'm just waiting for the weekend--i'm homeward bound again! yay for 3-day weekends!!!
hope all is well for you, you're always in my thoughts. *MWAH* *HUG*
Your soul is STEADFAST. You are a fiercely loyal person who would never cross a loved one. People always know they can rely on you and your dependability is well-known. You're probably a little on the quiet side, but your faithfulness is never doubted, and you always back up your kith and kin whether they want or need it or not. You are a dependable and trusted soul.
What Is Your Soul's Trait?
brought to you by Quizilla got that from bumblebootie...thanks girl! that is SO me (from what everyone tells me at least). please welcome!! in other news, introducing Seneca Delyn Samily...the newest addition to the family.
and here's her big sister Cienna...
show her the way young Cienna! they are the cutest little girls. i knew del's only gonna have girls, it's punishment for when he was a bad mofo back in the day. heheheh
* * * * *
so that is all for now. i have a bunch of random thoughts spinning through my head, once i figure everything out i'm sure i'll let all of you know. but for now this will do...i'm just waiting for the weekend--i'm homeward bound again! yay for 3-day weekends!!!
hope all is well for you, you're always in my thoughts. *MWAH* *HUG*
Sunday, June 27, 2004
my girls, old friends & good times
so this weekend my girly girls drove down from nor cal and scooped me up, then we all headed down to daygo! of course we did a pit stop at the carlsbad outlets and i added something new to my coach collection. =) yeah yeah, i don't wanna hear it (last one i promise...for now) ;).
so friday night after getting all settled in who do we hook up with but ron, dave and steverz!
they took us to the la jolla coves, mt. soladad & one of the bridges at midgetland. oh and they also took us to get some carne asada chips--that of course we couldn't finish. like that's surprising to anyone. anyway, it was really good to see you guys (even if you were making fun of us all night.) =P
then the next day the girlys and i headed down to rosarita! my first time ever, so yeah i was a little freaked out when we were crossing the border...i kept thinking oh my god we're in another country, we might get kidnapped. then as we got deeper in i noticed how similar it was to the philippines, so i started to feel comfortable (weird, i know). i mean, i've been to tj before, but i've never been so deep into it like going to rosarita. but the $1 corona's and margarita's were nice & i love me some carne asada taco's!
the girls drank way more than me (which is always expected), but i'm glad they had fun. i even found a cool looking shot glass to add to the collection. but walking around, taking it all in, seeing the people, drinking with the girlys, having laughs....good times had by all.
oh and why was it that i was the only one questioned alot coming back from mexico? after asking my citizenship he made me say my entire name, birthday, and birthplace, then he asks me what's the capitol of the united states. after that he then asks me how many states there are in the u.s.--i think he got irritated when i got technical and started to say...well, there is 48 on the continental u.s. and alaska and hawaii...so i ended up stopping mid sentence and saying 50. i don't know why i was the only one out of the group questioned like that--i was also the most sober out of the group. bastards!
here's more pictures if you wanna see how much fun we did have...*click* *click*
so all in all, this weekend was so much fun. there were some things that i wish didn't happen (but it wasn't my call either), but even though all of THAT happened--everything turned out pretty much good.
so with all that said, i'm gonna go chill. hope you all had a wonderful weekend! take cares! *mwah* & *hug*
they took us to the la jolla coves, mt. soladad & one of the bridges at midgetland. oh and they also took us to get some carne asada chips--that of course we couldn't finish. like that's surprising to anyone. anyway, it was really good to see you guys (even if you were making fun of us all night.) =P
then the next day the girlys and i headed down to rosarita! my first time ever, so yeah i was a little freaked out when we were crossing the border...i kept thinking oh my god we're in another country, we might get kidnapped. then as we got deeper in i noticed how similar it was to the philippines, so i started to feel comfortable (weird, i know). i mean, i've been to tj before, but i've never been so deep into it like going to rosarita. but the $1 corona's and margarita's were nice & i love me some carne asada taco's!
the girls drank way more than me (which is always expected), but i'm glad they had fun. i even found a cool looking shot glass to add to the collection. but walking around, taking it all in, seeing the people, drinking with the girlys, having laughs....good times had by all.
oh and why was it that i was the only one questioned alot coming back from mexico? after asking my citizenship he made me say my entire name, birthday, and birthplace, then he asks me what's the capitol of the united states. after that he then asks me how many states there are in the u.s.--i think he got irritated when i got technical and started to say...well, there is 48 on the continental u.s. and alaska and hawaii...so i ended up stopping mid sentence and saying 50. i don't know why i was the only one out of the group questioned like that--i was also the most sober out of the group. bastards!
here's more pictures if you wanna see how much fun we did have...*click* *click*
so all in all, this weekend was so much fun. there were some things that i wish didn't happen (but it wasn't my call either), but even though all of THAT happened--everything turned out pretty much good.
so with all that said, i'm gonna go chill. hope you all had a wonderful weekend! take cares! *mwah* & *hug*
Monday, June 21, 2004
autocross'n & daddy's day!
that was babygirl before the race. i have to say, she did me proud. of course it helped to have my bro in my car for the first two times telling me to go, go, go...brake! GO, let off the gas, go, go, go!! heheh yes, for my first autocross with babygirl...we did good. i started off with 57.194 and i ended up with a 55.345 (55.22 on the fun run), only 10 seconds longer than my bro. and from what i'm told, i did pretty good for my first time out (with mostly everything stock). i had lots of help and tips from my bro's friends...so i'm sure that helped me out (i'm just surprised i remembered everything).
oh and while i was chillin in my car waiting to go for my second run, who should i see pass by my car? why, who else but piaadoll!! i had to wait till she went on her run to make sure it was her, then i went over to say hi after my run. it was good seeing you girl! i wish we could have hung for a lil bit longer, but i wanted more pointers from my bro. oh and i was in the novice sts class (i remembered to ask him after).
then earlier today was the whole reason for my trip...daddy's day!
we ended up waking up at 6:30 to head up to rio vista to have breakfast with the parental units (slept on the way up, and back). so yeah, daddy enjoyed his present (but it needs a little modification)...he enjoyed his breakfast, and enjoyed the company. it's always fun to come home, wish it could have been longer.
wanna see more pics? *click* *click*
so there you have it, another great weekend at home. hope you all had a great weekend too, and if you're a father (or a father to be)...happy fathers day! see you bay area heads in two weeks!!
enjoy!
**edit: sorry, was wrong on my times...and i am burnt! daymn you, you california sun!!
Friday, June 18, 2004
happy early daddy's day!
just wanted to wish my daddy a happy early daddy's day (cause i know i'll be too busy this weekend to post this up). also, happy early daddy's day to you fathers out there, and fathers to be (manong merrick!!).
have a wonderful weekend everyone, i'm outta here at 12:45! bay area, the girls are coming home!!!
*mwah*
Thursday, June 17, 2004
EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!!
Your Patronus is the Wolf! The wolf is a symbol of
wisdom, loyalty and independence. He is one of
history's more revered (and feared) characters. That your Patronus is a wolf says that you are very
wise as a person. You tend to be loyal to your
friends, even when they screw up, but you are
also independent. Finding that balance is key;
finding it will ensure that you will be a
wonderful witch or wizard!
What is Your Patronus? Version 1
brought to you by Quizilla
experience everything...
regret nothing (especially if you've learned from it). and rather than think of what could become, take a chance...you never know what might happen (it might be the best thing you've ever done in your life). and when the time comes, everything will fall into place.
random thoughts? yes--they just popped in my head (as usual). my head's all a jumble right now (and pounding like hell--advil to the rescue!!), but that's normal in my case right?
oh one more thing...never forget who YOU are, never let others define you.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
outside, reaching in....
strength can come in two forms: physically, or mentally. it's been a trying new year, let's just start off with that. now we're halfway through...and i feel like the battles i fought, helped me realize some things that i'm only now taking care of. make sense?
i never thought i'd be strong enough to do half the things that i've already accomplished, and i'm being constantly reminded by my beautiful friends. i'm constantly searching for some sort of "strength" to get me through whatever i'm going through. i keep asking for patience because i know in the end, if things were meant to happen--they will. i also know that no one else will help get you through things (especially when it comes down to the last count), you just gotta find it within you.
one thing that i know about myself is that i always land on my feet. so no matter what happens in the upcoming months (*cross-fingers*), whatever He throws out at me (whether i have to move cross-country or not), i'll be able to deal. not only do i have "faith", i have "love" from my peoples...so no matter what happens--i can do it.
some people have been "testing" me so to speak, but i'm trying to not let them get to me. you can only do so much before your head explodes, but i tend to just let it go (or go smoke a pack of cigs). i seem to still be all together (we think). but no matter what, no one will break me down--they won't get to me (those voices in my head...HA!).
because i know that no matter what happens, the people that were there for me from the beginning, will still be there. the ones that truly care for me, will still be around--no matter what i do...because they know me (not the dumbasses that "think" they know me, but the ones that REALLY do).
i think i'm being tested again, the calm before the storm. maybe i have to go through this to see if i'll make it in the big new world. i can do it, i know i can...always gotta test yourself, never settle, think big, yeah....i can do it.
yes, this is random. but you know what...i forgot my book so i decided to blog during my lunch hour.
so there you have it. i am who i am, said sam i am. but you know what, don't push...cause if you keep pushing--you might be left behind. things happen for a reason, timing IS everything, and i'm just trying to make it through the day.
woof, woof!
No bones about it, you're a good-hearted, people-loving Bernese Mountain Dog. Down-to-earth and loyal, no one works or plays harder than you do. You put your nose to the grindstone when it really counts, but you never neglect your social calendar. Simultaneously strong and sweet, you're very tuned-in to the feelings and needs of the other dogs you run with. Without having to be asked, you always have a helping paw to lend and a sympathetic shoulder to lean on. "Communication" is your middle name, and when that's paired with your unswerving devotion, you get a breed that everyone respects and trusts. Woof!
What Breed of Dog Are You?
* * * *
that actually describes me. HA!
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
capricorn...
You love it when the good guys win. This is another one of those happy occasions. Your truth is a shining jewel, worth more than all the artifice and hype that your opponents are throwing at you. They'll never have what you have, and they might never understand why, or even what it is. But their enlightenment isn't your concern. You'd rather celebrate with the people that helped get you this far. When they add their devotion and imagination to yours, it's an unbeatable team. Don't ignore these fortuitous combinations and rare moments.
* * * *
this is so true, especially now...
people and things have been getting to me, but i know...this too shall pass. hopefully i'll get to the sunshine sometime soon. =)
Monday, June 14, 2004
Friday, June 11, 2004
National Day of Mourning
some of you may be sick of it, but since i'm not--i'm going to post this in honor of the man. he has affected my life in so many ways, and he will always be remembered...
* * * *
America Bids an Emotional Farewell to Reagan
By Alan Elsner
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - America bade farewell to Ronald Reagan (news - web sites) on Friday in a majestic state funeral at Washington's National Cathedral where past and present world leaders lauded the former president as a prophet of freedom and moral victor of the Cold War.
"Ronald Reagan believed ... in the courage and triumph of free men and we believe it all the more because we saw that courage in him," said President Bush (news - web sites), delivering a eulogy to his predecessor.
"As Ronald Wilson Reagan goes his way, we are left with the joyful hope he shared," he said.
The ceremony capped six days of mourning and nostalgic remembrance for the 40th president of the United States, who died last Saturday at age 93 after a long struggle with Alzheimer's disease (news - web sites).
"He won the Cold War, not only without firing a shot but also by inviting enemies out of their fortress and turning them into friends," former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher said of her close ally and friend.
Celebrated by supporters as a champion of freedom and free enterprise, Reagan also provoked furious opposition during his 1981-1989 presidency. Critics accused him of building up massive budget deficits, cutting programs for the poor and supporting right-wing hard-liners in Central America.
The one-time Hollywood movie star, known to millions as "the Gipper" after his favorite film role, had himself said goodbye to the American people in a moving letter revealing his illness in 1994 and had since lived in seclusion, cared for by his wife, Nancy.
"It has been 10 years since he said his own farewell, yet it is still very sad and hard to let him go," Bush said.
Veterans of the Cold War struggle against communism that Reagan helped end were prominent at the funeral, attended by 25 current heads of state or government, 14 foreign ministers and 11 former heads of state.
Thatcher was present in the congregation but her message was delivered on videotape since her health has become too fragile for public speaking.
ELEGANCE AND EASE
Former Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney recalled Reagan's elegance and ease. "No one could more eloquently summon his nation to high purpose," he said.
All four living former U.S. presidents -- Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, George Bush and Bill Clinton (news - web sites) -- filed into the massive faux Gothic structure on a hill over Washington, which took 83 years to build and was only completed in 1990.
Mikhail Gorbachev, the last president of the Soviet Union who crossed swords with Reagan at memorable summits in the 1980s and then allowed the Cold War to end peacefully months after Reagan left office in 1989, represented Russia.
Former President Bush, his voice breaking with emotion, said Reagan and Gorbachev had combined to end the Cold War. Referring to the best-known line in Reagan's best-known film, he said, "The Gipper and Mikhail Gorbachev won one for the world."
A bell tolled and rain fell as the hearse bearing Reagan's body arrived at the cathedral from Capitol Hill, where it had lain in state for two days while tens of thousands of people filed past.
Onlookers lined the four-mile route from the Capitol to the Cathedral standing several rows deep. Police had to prevent the crowd spilling into the streets.
After the funeral, Reagan's body was to be flown back to California for a private sunset burial attended by family and special guests on the grounds of his presidential library just north of Los Angeles.
Government departments, the New York Stock Exchange (news - web sites) and many businesses were closed as Americans paused to pay tribute.
Lech Walesa, the one-time Polish shipyard electrician who led the Solidarity labor movement and later became president of a post-communist Poland, also attended. In a Wall Street Journal article, Walesa said Poles owed Reagan their freedom. He hailed the former president as a western cowboy who fought against evil.
Apart from his Cold War record, proponents credit Reagan with restoring U.S. confidence, battling inflation, cutting taxes and presiding over an economic boom.
He was, however, also blamed for lax control over his administration that led to the Iran-Contra arms-for-hostages scandal. But opponents were frustrated that scandals did not seem to stick to Reagan and dubbed him the "Teflon president."
Since his death, the U.S. media has provided blanket coverage and glowing assessments of Reagan's legacy and sunny personality. Most agree that he will go down in history as one of the most significant U.S. presidents of the 20th century.
There is little doubt that Reagan changed the U.S. political landscape, moving the country to the right while paving the way for Republican dominance of Congress.
* * * * *
as a sign of respect, this will be my only post for today (and the weekend). he was, in my opinion a great man, and a great president...rest in peace.
now, a moment of silence.
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
finally it comes...
so some of you might remember that i'm applying to grad school, well, my transcripts FINALLY came in today! so today, after some help from a few friends, i have constructed a letter to Rutgers to include with my "official" transcripts, letters of rec, resume, and a hard copy of my personal statement. i hope they understand my lateness (not like it was my fault--SJSU needs a priority request for transcripts)!! i hope my personal statement & letters of rec speak to them and make them want me to attend their school.
i'm so nervous and i don't know why. man, it's just another step...the next one will be the big one.
wish me luck everyone!!
now i must look into scholarships...
random thought(s) 2
How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
~ "Eloisa to Abelard" by Alexander Pope
Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Joel: Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.
Clementine: Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant.
Joel: Valentine's Day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.
thanks mike! that was a good movie....
**edit: sorry, i'm adding as i find them...
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
random thought
...we need to be willing to let our intuition guide us and then be willing to follow that guidance directly and fearlessly...
~ Shakti Gawain
stole this from bumblebootie. it was just speaking to me...
and now we're even...
so this started out as a really sh*tty day, and just got worse and worse and worse as the day wore on. even my lunch was interrupted by a f*cking idiot... office f*cking politics, i hate it. actually at one point, i just hated everyone (well not everyone--i was just seriously pissed off). something must be in the universe.
but at least 5:30 hit, and i was outta there as soon i could...and then game time. man that was a good game. i was getting worried, i was really really worried. but they pulled it off, they won it in OT. HELL YEAH! they brought it baby! we're still alive (like there was any doubt--it was just really close).
man, something is in the universe....something evil, terrible. i can't wait till this is all over (*cross-fingers*), i'm just tired! tired of everything going on around me, personally & careerwise....i just feel like i'm gonna blow. and some people around me are seriously pissing me off, and they just keep doing it over and over (why don't i say anything? i don't know). i know i have to let some things go, but some things just keep getting to me and i don't know what to do.
it's like i'm playing chess, and i'm waiting for my turn. man, i can't wait till things start poppin'. maybe then i'll finally be happy...
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Ronald Wilson Reagan
February 6, 1911 - June 5, 2004
i wasn't old enough to vote for him, but he is the first president that i fully remember. he was not only charming and brilliant, but he had a way about him that made you believe him and give you hope for our future. "Overall, the Reagan years saw a restoration of prosperity, and the goal of peace through strength seemed to be within grasp." through his administration it shaped my political ideologies -- those that stay strong with me today.
it was truly sad when he started getting sicker, and we all knew what would eventually happen. but rather than remember that, i choose to remember what he did, how he made me feel, how he gave me hope, and how proud i am to be a part of this wonderful country....
"Whatever history might say about me when I'm gone, I hope it will record that I appealed to your best hopes, not your worst fears; to your confidence rather than your doubts. My dream is that you will travel the road ahead with liberty's lamp guiding your steps and opportunity's arm steadying your way." ~ R. Reagan '92
"We will always remember. We will always be proud. We will always be prepared, so we may always be free." ~President Ronald Wilson Reagan, June 6th, 1984
let's do it for the gipper...
Saturday, June 05, 2004
it's better the second time around...
so this time around we went to the mann's chinese theater in hollywood (love that place), and you're not supposed to take pictures...but check this out! *click me* but hey, i saw some lady taking pics with a big ol cam, so i figured i might as well do the same! (well margie said i might as well take them since she was too--and we saw a bunch of flashes all over the theater.)
and yes, second time is better--i noticed some other stuff (or what wasn't). so yeah, i'll probably see it again sometime soon (like i usually do). i really wish it was longer, and more dialogue regarding harry's parents and all the relationships with their friends. but anyway, can't wait for "goblet of fire", that will BE the best movie (well until J.K. Rowling finishes 6 & 7 then maybe my favorite will change--but we'll see.)
anyway, i'm gonna go continue re-reading ootp. hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!
*mwah* & *hug*
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