What I learned in 49 years...

On the eve of my next trip around the sun.  What have I learned? 

• Trying to let things go, especially if I have no control of whatever that is.
• Hustled hard with my second gig especially the later part of the year, and I survived.
• Eventually, even when I was as careful as I could be...I still got COVID.
• I am okay with letting go the fact that I won't have little humans.  My fur kids give me so much joy.
• I am accepting the fact that I'm getting ready to be in the next part of my life.
• I am ready to be in a new Age-Group in Road Races.
• I've learned to be more flexible and bend when it comes to training.
• Had to end my seven year run streak during the summer when I got really sick.  And no, I couldn't wobble through a mile, it was that bad.
• I PR'd this year in my half marathon, and I ran my fastest half in NYC.  So that's a big WIN.
• I am also so so happy in my relationship, I'm so glad one ended so I could be where I am. 
• I have hope in my career, I'm excited to see what is going to happen.

I know age is just a number, but I am privileged and so lucky to make it to my 50th year.  Half a century old and still kicking. 

Today was a really good day.

♥️🥰

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Fiesta Fun Run - 10k

I can't believe I came in 2nd this year for the Fiesta Fun Run - 10k!  The second half was tough since it was hot, but I kept turning over and pushing forward!  Really I was following my "rabbit" in the orange shirt, and just did not give up.  Yassss!!

 

143♥️

 "To achieve peak happiness—autonomy, competence and relatedness—we have to do what we believe, do it well, keep getting better at it and connect to other people in the process. The surest way to achieve all that is to live authentically." 

- Kennon Sheldon, Ph.D

It's been 5 years....

 I still miss you.

Love Mama.

1:55:15

I set my last PR at this race in 2019.  I've run this race since then, and I finally broke that time after 4 years.  My times were up and down, until this year.  I have trained so hard to cut of 53 seconds.  

Got injured at the end of 2020 and have been working on healing since then.  At the end of 2022 I started feeling like myself.  Regardless of this injury, I never stopped working.  In 2021 - the end of 2022 my race times weren't what I expected. Constantly disappointed with myself.   

Emotionally I was broken because of things not running related, but I continued to push and do the work.

Change happens when you least expect it, and I am finally happy.  Not because of the results, but because the journey that took me here.  You know all the steps you took, the work you put in, and although most people just see the time.  I see everything else.  I also know I have more in me, and I'm going to keep working.

Happiness comes from within, and I'm working on that as well.  I can finally say that I am truly happy.  Not complacent, or content, I'm actually happy these days.

Thanks for reading.

On the eve of my 49th year....

So this year has been filled with a lot of up's and downs to say the least...  

• My second oldest brother moved away to another country, then he got married towards the end of the year. 
• I PR'd for the 10k and 5k, and I did sub 2 a half this year, not my best sub 2, but I did it.  Also, because I paced a faster group I PR'd at SFM - First Half.  But didn't do that great for the marathon.  Let's just say the last part of the year wasn't great for my running.  But to be fair I ran a marathon the weekend before I ran Monterey Bay Half so I missed another sub 2 by seconds...
• I have been working through an old injury, with recently another injury started bothering me, but I figured what I needed to do to rehab and heal quicker. 
• My Ninang died earlier in the year.
• My Pug Love, Lizzie Loo Loo decided to go to the Rainbow Bridge to join her younger/bigger brother. After she reached her 15th birthday.  Oh how I miss her howls, but I understand it was her time to leave us.
• A long time relationship ended for me, but to be fair it has been fading.
• I am exploring a situation, and it makes me happy. Haven't felt that feeling in a long time.
• Toki and Boston are quite healthy, they dislike each other strongly, but that's how they roll.

So what did I learn?  Happiness does not hide in being content or complacent.  I was perfectly content being unhappy.  I found other ways to find some happiness or satisfaction. I turned off feelings and told myself that this is what it would be like for the rest of my life.  Like I had no control of my feelings, which as a therapist, I know is not true.  The only thing I truly have control of is my actions and my feelings.  So once I fully allowed myself to let go...I surprised myself to find myself in something else, a situation if you will, that makes me happy.  Now I know I'm going to take my time to fully heal.  I sometimes get mad at myself for not leaving earlier, but what good would that be to keep getting mad at myself?

I have to trust myself more.  So moving forward, I choose myself, and I choose those that make me happy.  Like puppies who go crazy for treats, running shoes, running clothes and things that make my heart happy.

Looking back at my life, I'm not exactly at where I thought I'd be at 49 or even the eve of 49.  I've done a lot of silly things in the past, but I'm still here, growing, evolving.